I love to read and probably spend too much time doing it. I just finished a book that has caused me some introspection. It was just a novel. A mystery. I've always been partial to mysteries - love the set-up, the foot-work and the resolution. Often I'm way ahead of the author and know "who done it" long before the wrap up. Doesn't matter. Still like them.
This one, however, had a lot to say about relationships: family, friends, associates. And since I've been thinking a lot about this lately my emotions got more involved with the book than usual. And I found a few things to be grateful for:
That I have been blessed to have a BFF in The Husband. 41 years and planning on many more. (Thank you, My Love, I am so blessed that you found me.)
That I have somehow managed to come to terms with my own (lacking) childhood. My parents weren't the greatest, and it would be easy to think they didn't do their best by their children. But it doesn't matter. I was fed, clothed and taught discipline. That's far better than lots of kids these days.
That I understand the value of trust. In family, in friends, in associates. Trust lost is pretty nigh impossible to retrieve. Particularly in someone you counted on.
That family ties matter. That we are all so very imperfect, but those connections are hugely necessary.
That hurting hearts can heal. We can help heal hearts, but do it best by just being kind, treating others with respect, valuing others as much as self and "giving others a break."
And this is all by way of giving myself a "pep talk".
Flaps and Flubs
Been thinking a lot about those designer jeans - the ones I can't afford and don't think I'd pay for anyway (so not into the trendy, or labels). So many of them have flaps on the back pockets. Now seriously....I can go for the sparkly bum, love sparklies of all kinds. But flaps? Those thing that just add bulk and dimension to an already bulky and fully-dimensioned part of my body? And they just get in the way, snag on things, rip.....I guess I should be grateful I'm not into designer jeans. And I guess I'm too old to want to be that trendy.
Sent a text to a friend. Hit send before fully reviewing the text. Realized a nano-second too late the stupid smart-phone had auto corrected the name of the person I was texting. I hope she'll forgive me for calling her a "tank." The housemates (i.e. family) around here sure got a laugh at my expense. My humiliation has certainly reached a new level, one that I hope to not achieve again. Tanks a lot, phone.
Sent a text to a friend. Hit send before fully reviewing the text. Realized a nano-second too late the stupid smart-phone had auto corrected the name of the person I was texting. I hope she'll forgive me for calling her a "tank." The housemates (i.e. family) around here sure got a laugh at my expense. My humiliation has certainly reached a new level, one that I hope to not achieve again. Tanks a lot, phone.
Fall
Another huge perk of the autumn season: scuffling along through inches deep crinkly leaves.
The King's Singers - sang like kings tonight! This evening's VIP sighting: Dieter Uchtdorf and wife.
The King's Singers - sang like kings tonight! This evening's VIP sighting: Dieter Uchtdorf and wife.
Forgiveness
Was reading today in the paper about forgiveness. The columnist mentioned an incident where he'd been forgiven. Not the forgive-but-not-forget kind, the kind to be brought up and reminded of later.
But the forgive-and-completely-forget-erase kind. It takes a huge person to forgive that way. Admittedly it is sometimes easier to hold onto the wrong, and only pay lip service to forgiveness.
But that true forgiveness. Something for me to work toward. Particularly when my heart has been hurt. I'll get there....
But the forgive-and-completely-forget-erase kind. It takes a huge person to forgive that way. Admittedly it is sometimes easier to hold onto the wrong, and only pay lip service to forgiveness.
But that true forgiveness. Something for me to work toward. Particularly when my heart has been hurt. I'll get there....
Scream!
It's sort of expected to hear screams around Halloween. But not particularly in the middle of the afternoon in the grocery store. But scream I did hear, and only about 10 feet away from me. And it was an employee.....
She saw a mouse.
Seriously, I thought she was being attacked or something. The mouse was probably 30 feet away. The other female employee (and a male friend) slapped a shopping basket over the top to trap it, and they summarily hauled it off with nary a fuss made. Really, why do some people scream (and this was a real scream!) over everything?
My thought for today: no use screaming over scurrying mice.
She saw a mouse.
Seriously, I thought she was being attacked or something. The mouse was probably 30 feet away. The other female employee (and a male friend) slapped a shopping basket over the top to trap it, and they summarily hauled it off with nary a fuss made. Really, why do some people scream (and this was a real scream!) over everything?
My thought for today: no use screaming over scurrying mice.
A New Day
I am happy to report that today was not a repeat of yesterday's woes. Things are coming along, slowly. Yes, I understand things that get taken care of will just be replaced with more frustrating things, but I can handle them if they don't all come at once. (Is it tempting the fates to even say that?)
Went to dinner with some friends, some other friends happened into the same restaurant so we all sat together and had some good laughs. The best line of the night? "He has his ears turned up!" (Yep, his hearing aids, still worth a chuckle.)
The Mighty Macs? Good movie. I'm a sucker for a good underdog story. It was also a good reminder to be true to yourself and your own (not someone else's) dreams.
Went to dinner with some friends, some other friends happened into the same restaurant so we all sat together and had some good laughs. The best line of the night? "He has his ears turned up!" (Yep, his hearing aids, still worth a chuckle.)
The Mighty Macs? Good movie. I'm a sucker for a good underdog story. It was also a good reminder to be true to yourself and your own (not someone else's) dreams.
Frustration Update
Tonight I'm doing great at having a heart full of gratitude. Here are a few of the things to be grateful for:
1. The kitchen faucet is replaced, and with only 3 trips to Home Depot. (Isn't there some unwritten law somewhere that any household project requires a minimum of 3 trips to Home Depot?)
2. Home Depot is only 10 minutes away.
3. The tooth extraction can wait.
4. The (unexpected) two crowns will be mostly covered by the dental insurance and can both be done before the end of the year, staying barely within the year's maximum payout.
5. The optometrist's office was so gracious about re-doing my lenses. I'm even changing the lens to a much preferred shape. All at no additional cost. The only downside - another 2 weeks or so before the glasses are ready.
6. The shop door is most likely fixable by My Hero / Husband.
7. I made it through the day without yelling at anyone, throwing a hissy-fit or melting down. Only shed a few frustra-tears.
8. The cuts we got on 3 of our 20 fingers will heal just fine, no stitches required.
9. It's oh-dark-thirty, jammies are on and this Monday is finally on it's way to bed.
1. The kitchen faucet is replaced, and with only 3 trips to Home Depot. (Isn't there some unwritten law somewhere that any household project requires a minimum of 3 trips to Home Depot?)
2. Home Depot is only 10 minutes away.
3. The tooth extraction can wait.
4. The (unexpected) two crowns will be mostly covered by the dental insurance and can both be done before the end of the year, staying barely within the year's maximum payout.
5. The optometrist's office was so gracious about re-doing my lenses. I'm even changing the lens to a much preferred shape. All at no additional cost. The only downside - another 2 weeks or so before the glasses are ready.
6. The shop door is most likely fixable by My Hero / Husband.
7. I made it through the day without yelling at anyone, throwing a hissy-fit or melting down. Only shed a few frustra-tears.
8. The cuts we got on 3 of our 20 fingers will heal just fine, no stitches required.
9. It's oh-dark-thirty, jammies are on and this Monday is finally on it's way to bed.
Am I The Only One?
Why is life so frustrating? If this is a test to see how well I deal with frustration, I'm totally flunking.
It's only 10:45 a.m. and already I'm gnashing my teeth. The things that are bothersome are really small. My head knows that. My emotions are taking a thrashing.
1. The Husband is off at the dentist with a broken wisdom tooth. He's quite attached to it. Dreading the seemingly inevitable extraction.
2. The kitchen faucet is kaput. Again. Different part this time.
3. The flourescent long-life (or not) bulbs are going out in the closet - again.
4. I'm off to the optometrist to get the glasses re-done.
5. We still have to figure out how to fix the weatherstripping on the bottom of the doors: yes, it means removing them from the frame. The front one is 42" wide, three layers of full-view glass. Heavy will be an understatement.
6. Aw, what am I doing? Listing them just makes them worse. I'm going to find some chocolate....
It's only 10:45 a.m. and already I'm gnashing my teeth. The things that are bothersome are really small. My head knows that. My emotions are taking a thrashing.
1. The Husband is off at the dentist with a broken wisdom tooth. He's quite attached to it. Dreading the seemingly inevitable extraction.
2. The kitchen faucet is kaput. Again. Different part this time.
3. The flourescent long-life (or not) bulbs are going out in the closet - again.
4. I'm off to the optometrist to get the glasses re-done.
5. We still have to figure out how to fix the weatherstripping on the bottom of the doors: yes, it means removing them from the frame. The front one is 42" wide, three layers of full-view glass. Heavy will be an understatement.
6. Aw, what am I doing? Listing them just makes them worse. I'm going to find some chocolate....
Pack Rat / Dark Side
The Husband has a hard time throwing things away. Yesterday we acquired a new fry pan. Standing in the aisle at the store I pointed my finger at him and told him I wanted a promise he would toss the old one in the garbage. With a totally straight face he told me he couldn't do that. I let it go figuring I would take care of it.
So this morning getting ready to put the freshly washed new pan in the pan drawer, and looking for the old one to get rid of, I discovered I'd been beaten to it. The old pan has disappeared. Ostensibly to the hiding place with the other replaced pans to be used for target practice the next time the guys go shooting. (The last time was years ago. We'll have at least a full replacement set by the next time they go.)
We have 3 - count them - 3 air compressors. Only one works. The broken (and replaced) two are for parts scavenging - never mind they're all different brands.
I may have "never met a container I didn't like", but I try to not save them all. :^)
I heard this sentiment tonight - not word for word - but the idea is the same. Something along the lines of not letting your dark side out, nothing good will come of it. That "dark side" encompasses many things: frustration, anger, resentment, envy, arrogance, selfishness....
Sometimes I think I'm a poster child for all of those traits of the dark side. Sigh....and it's true, nothing good ever comes from it. Thank heavens The Husband has a good supply of patience for me. (Along with all those "things" he just can't seem to part with!)
So this morning getting ready to put the freshly washed new pan in the pan drawer, and looking for the old one to get rid of, I discovered I'd been beaten to it. The old pan has disappeared. Ostensibly to the hiding place with the other replaced pans to be used for target practice the next time the guys go shooting. (The last time was years ago. We'll have at least a full replacement set by the next time they go.)
We have 3 - count them - 3 air compressors. Only one works. The broken (and replaced) two are for parts scavenging - never mind they're all different brands.
I may have "never met a container I didn't like", but I try to not save them all. :^)
I heard this sentiment tonight - not word for word - but the idea is the same. Something along the lines of not letting your dark side out, nothing good will come of it. That "dark side" encompasses many things: frustration, anger, resentment, envy, arrogance, selfishness....
Sometimes I think I'm a poster child for all of those traits of the dark side. Sigh....and it's true, nothing good ever comes from it. Thank heavens The Husband has a good supply of patience for me. (Along with all those "things" he just can't seem to part with!)
Headaches and Hassles
So, yesterday we picked up our new glasses. I wore them off and on all evening, but had issues seeing up close and also with bad headaches.
Put them on first thing this morning and before you know it - my head felt like it was in a vice. Wore the old ones all day. Went to a meeting tonight and decided to give the new ones another try. Ended up trading them for the old ones halfway through the meeting.
So now I have the option of putting the glasses in a drawer and forgetting about them, or going back to the dr.'s office and asking for their help in making things right. I suspect the base curve is wrong - that has happened to me before. The prescription is great for my distance vision, not so much for the all-important-close-up. I really hate taking things back, especially something this expensive and made just for me. But then, I guess that's all the more reason to ask them to make it right.
It's a hassle, but then so is a headache - a hassle that is. So either it's a headache hassle or a hassle headache. Either way it hurts.
Put them on first thing this morning and before you know it - my head felt like it was in a vice. Wore the old ones all day. Went to a meeting tonight and decided to give the new ones another try. Ended up trading them for the old ones halfway through the meeting.
So now I have the option of putting the glasses in a drawer and forgetting about them, or going back to the dr.'s office and asking for their help in making things right. I suspect the base curve is wrong - that has happened to me before. The prescription is great for my distance vision, not so much for the all-important-close-up. I really hate taking things back, especially something this expensive and made just for me. But then, I guess that's all the more reason to ask them to make it right.
It's a hassle, but then so is a headache - a hassle that is. So either it's a headache hassle or a hassle headache. Either way it hurts.
FrIday Already?
What happened to the week? It was filled with:
Primary Programs
home teaching (here and away)
trips (nearly) downtown
lunch at Cafe Rio
Young Men
laundry
vacuuming
tile cleaning
dishwashing
picking up new eyeglasses for the two of us (my distance vision is superb, not sure about the bifocal part. Think the progressive lenses might be off a bit but will try them out for a week or so, hoping the headaches will resolve)
Halloween levels of Angry Birds
multiple trips to the grocery
lots of catalogs in the mail
lunch out with a friend at Olive Garden
unsuccessful attempts to spend money
hopes
disappointments
fabulous weather
an early morning bike ride (11 miles isn't bad for not having been on my bike in ages)
an after dinner bike ride to the library
Nothing extraordinary, just a typical week. Decided I'm grateful for typical. Wish for lots of typical (i.e. calm, peaceful, low stress).
We'll end the week tomorrow with the completion of some home maintenance things, maybe a movie, the Saturday evening meeting of Regional Conference, and some always welcome together time.
Next week will be busier, already the calendar looks more crowded.
My only hope for next week is that it has more hugs involved.
Primary Programs
home teaching (here and away)
trips (nearly) downtown
lunch at Cafe Rio
Young Men
laundry
vacuuming
tile cleaning
dishwashing
picking up new eyeglasses for the two of us (my distance vision is superb, not sure about the bifocal part. Think the progressive lenses might be off a bit but will try them out for a week or so, hoping the headaches will resolve)
Halloween levels of Angry Birds
multiple trips to the grocery
lots of catalogs in the mail
lunch out with a friend at Olive Garden
unsuccessful attempts to spend money
hopes
disappointments
fabulous weather
an early morning bike ride (11 miles isn't bad for not having been on my bike in ages)
an after dinner bike ride to the library
Nothing extraordinary, just a typical week. Decided I'm grateful for typical. Wish for lots of typical (i.e. calm, peaceful, low stress).
We'll end the week tomorrow with the completion of some home maintenance things, maybe a movie, the Saturday evening meeting of Regional Conference, and some always welcome together time.
Next week will be busier, already the calendar looks more crowded.
My only hope for next week is that it has more hugs involved.
Dragon Breath
I have a very strong natural aversion to onions & garlic. Just the smell can make my stomach churn. The Husband is so kind about it - he rarely has anything (at home or out and about) that contains those veggies. When he does, we make an immediate trip to the grocery to ferret out some parsley to mitigate the effects.
So today I went to lunch with a friend, she's been craving Olive Garden. I only had the soup and salad and breadsticks and I'm going around feeling like I'm in a dragon breath cloud. I hate how that feels. I hate how it tastes. I'm so grateful The Husband doesn't complain or refuse to kiss me. I'd hate that more.
(Went from lunch across the parking lot to the mall to try to find a new purse. Couldn't bring myself to spend any money. Didn't find anything I liked well enough to part with the green. I just can't.)
So today I went to lunch with a friend, she's been craving Olive Garden. I only had the soup and salad and breadsticks and I'm going around feeling like I'm in a dragon breath cloud. I hate how that feels. I hate how it tastes. I'm so grateful The Husband doesn't complain or refuse to kiss me. I'd hate that more.
(Went from lunch across the parking lot to the mall to try to find a new purse. Couldn't bring myself to spend any money. Didn't find anything I liked well enough to part with the green. I just can't.)
Early Wednesday
So I know I haven't really settled into my day yet, but I already have some thoughts:
1. How great it is to have a properly working kitchen faucet again (i.e. cold water coming out of the cold side and hot coming out of the hot, no leaks). Thanks, My Husband/Love.
2. How fun it is to get up this morning and not be barraged with all the noise from the heavy equipment working on our street. It is freshly paved and hopefully the garbage truck won't mess it up.
3. I'm nervous about our hearing at the county complex this morning. We've never done anything like this before, but The Husband is protesting our property taxes this year. Ours is the only house within the nearby 150-200 homes he researched whose property values increased instead of decreased. We'll see what happens. He's done an astonishing amount of preparatory work. I just hope they've all had breakfast this morning and decide to reduce our valuation and not take 20 years to do it.
4. Hoping for some inspiration as to how to effectively execute this calling that I have. Is it true that Heavenly Father doesn't care what calling you have / had? He won't care for me less because I've only been a "worker bee" my whole life instead of a "Queen Bee"?
1. How great it is to have a properly working kitchen faucet again (i.e. cold water coming out of the cold side and hot coming out of the hot, no leaks). Thanks, My Husband/Love.
2. How fun it is to get up this morning and not be barraged with all the noise from the heavy equipment working on our street. It is freshly paved and hopefully the garbage truck won't mess it up.
3. I'm nervous about our hearing at the county complex this morning. We've never done anything like this before, but The Husband is protesting our property taxes this year. Ours is the only house within the nearby 150-200 homes he researched whose property values increased instead of decreased. We'll see what happens. He's done an astonishing amount of preparatory work. I just hope they've all had breakfast this morning and decide to reduce our valuation and not take 20 years to do it.
4. Hoping for some inspiration as to how to effectively execute this calling that I have. Is it true that Heavenly Father doesn't care what calling you have / had? He won't care for me less because I've only been a "worker bee" my whole life instead of a "Queen Bee"?
Good
When I started on this blogging journey a couple years ago, I didn't really have a plan in mind. Just felt like sometimes you just have to say something, "put it out there". Like I have anything earthshattering to say....
And yet, in the process, I've discovered that the thought I might want something to write about each day has opened my mind and often my heart to the miracles both large and small that occur. I often pray that I will feel the Hand of Heavenly Father in my life. That prayer has been answered - and often - and it seems like I find myself trying to be more aware of those happenings. I want always to be aware of His influence and also somehow, in some small way be a conduit for good to those whose lives intersect with mine.
Haven't seen huge progress in my efforts to be a conduit for good, but I am more aware.
So, for that reason alone, I imagine, this blog has served a good purpose. I don't know how long I'll continue, or even if it matters. But I will pursue that good thing, that good hope, that good part of life, that good friend, that sweetness that permeates a life lived "good" and perhaps will see more progress. Good luck to me.
And yet, in the process, I've discovered that the thought I might want something to write about each day has opened my mind and often my heart to the miracles both large and small that occur. I often pray that I will feel the Hand of Heavenly Father in my life. That prayer has been answered - and often - and it seems like I find myself trying to be more aware of those happenings. I want always to be aware of His influence and also somehow, in some small way be a conduit for good to those whose lives intersect with mine.
Haven't seen huge progress in my efforts to be a conduit for good, but I am more aware.
So, for that reason alone, I imagine, this blog has served a good purpose. I don't know how long I'll continue, or even if it matters. But I will pursue that good thing, that good hope, that good part of life, that good friend, that sweetness that permeates a life lived "good" and perhaps will see more progress. Good luck to me.
Let's See....
Serve at the ward's "Day Of Service": check!
Fix the lights in the glass block: check!
Repair the leaky kitchen faucet: check!
Enjoy dinner (Cheesecake Factory) and a movie (Real Steel - great movie!) with friends: Check!
Feel good about Saturday: Check and double check!
Fix the lights in the glass block: check!
Repair the leaky kitchen faucet: check!
Enjoy dinner (Cheesecake Factory) and a movie (Real Steel - great movie!) with friends: Check!
Feel good about Saturday: Check and double check!
Beating Heart
"Every heart that has beat strongly and cheerfully has left a hopeful impulse behind it in the world, and bettered the tradition of mankind." --Robert Louis Stevenson
As long as my heart beats I wish for cheeful and hopeful impulses.
As long as my heart beats I wish for cheeful and hopeful impulses.
Road
So, our road has been at the roadbase level for over a week now. Yesterday we were informed even the roadbase was bad; they're removing it 15" down, filling it in and when that is done we'll have new pavement. It will take another 5 days or so.
This morning's efforts were expended in the front of our driveway - no getting our cars through that crater.
So I spent the bulk of the day at home. Being a homebody you'd think I'd love that (and I sort of did). But it's funny how the enforced boundary made me anxious to get out and about. Even though I spent most of yesterday doing just that, today I was ready to get out again.
Since I don't really care to shop, really dislike spending money, was heading out this evening and didn't need anything from the grocery there wasn't any reason for me to go anywhere.
But knowing that I couldn't made me want to.
I wasn't rebellious as a young'un. Could I be having that rebellious stage now?
This morning's efforts were expended in the front of our driveway - no getting our cars through that crater.
So I spent the bulk of the day at home. Being a homebody you'd think I'd love that (and I sort of did). But it's funny how the enforced boundary made me anxious to get out and about. Even though I spent most of yesterday doing just that, today I was ready to get out again.
Since I don't really care to shop, really dislike spending money, was heading out this evening and didn't need anything from the grocery there wasn't any reason for me to go anywhere.
But knowing that I couldn't made me want to.
I wasn't rebellious as a young'un. Could I be having that rebellious stage now?
Just Can't
Went shopping today to one of my favorite shops. Tried really hard to spend some money. Just couldn't bring myself to do it. There's not anything I really need, lots of things I'd like, and almost nothing out there worth the high price it costs.
Then went to Target - bought 2 birthday cards, some kitchen sponges, a replacement colander ($3) and a tube of lipstick. Tried hard to buy something really frivolous, just couldn't.
Went to Ulta- a store filled with total luxury items. Used my 20% off coupon to refresh my hairspray supply - NOT a luxury, but a necessity with this thin, baby-fine hair of mine. Still....didn't spend much.
Couldn't bring myself to stop for some lunch (there's food at home). Couldn't even spend much at the grocery.
Came home and brought in the mail. This time of year the mailbox is full of catalogs full of pretties. Got a mild case of the "wants", decided there was nothing I needed and tossed the lot of them.
The Husband always tells me to buy what I want, to bring home something frivolous and fun. I rarely do, most of the time I don't. I just can't bring myself to spend the money. And maybe that's why He says that - he knows: I just can't.
Then went to Target - bought 2 birthday cards, some kitchen sponges, a replacement colander ($3) and a tube of lipstick. Tried hard to buy something really frivolous, just couldn't.
Went to Ulta- a store filled with total luxury items. Used my 20% off coupon to refresh my hairspray supply - NOT a luxury, but a necessity with this thin, baby-fine hair of mine. Still....didn't spend much.
Couldn't bring myself to stop for some lunch (there's food at home). Couldn't even spend much at the grocery.
Came home and brought in the mail. This time of year the mailbox is full of catalogs full of pretties. Got a mild case of the "wants", decided there was nothing I needed and tossed the lot of them.
The Husband always tells me to buy what I want, to bring home something frivolous and fun. I rarely do, most of the time I don't. I just can't bring myself to spend the money. And maybe that's why He says that - he knows: I just can't.
Betrayal and Wonder
With my genetic heritage it's a given I'm going to be fat. In my younger, thinner (less wise) years, I thought (unfairly I now know) that people who were fat were that way because they just didn't care. I followed the common "just eat less, exercise more and you'll lose weight" line of thinking. Little did I know. That's one of those things over which we have little - or no - control.
When The Husband decided to do Atkins, I threw my lot in with his and after much longer than it took him, I managed (with lots more effort, and absolutely no fun) to drop 30 pounds. Then I broke my arm and because I couldn't really exercise (or prepare meals properly) promptly gained 10 pounds back. Over the ensuing roughly 6 years and several vacations filled with wanton eating (it's a vacation for Pete's sake!), I managed to put another 10 pounds back on. Still (I rationalized) I'm down 10 pounds from my peak and that's a good thing, right?
I more fully understand betrayal now. My body has betrayed me. I have some extra plumpness around my middle and absolutely no idea where it came from. I have a couple "handles" on my back above my waist- and what does my back think it needs those "handles" for? I now have a larger-than-life turkey wattle under my chin that waggles to and fro (I try to not shake my head with much vigor, afraid of the results). And I've previously discussed those upper arm dangles/flaps that cause me to always head straight for the longer, looser sleeves. (I'd love to go shopping and find clothes that fit my circumference AND my height. I'm tired of sleeves that hang down to my knees.)
And now, I'm wondering....Does heaven have weight restrictions? Are there fat people in heaven? And if there are, will Heavenly Father love me in the hereafter if I'm still fat?
And if there aren't fat people in heaven, if everyone is at their optimum slenderness, will Heavenly Father recognize me as a skinny person and let me in? And if I'm skinny only in heaven and not here, does that mean He will love me one place and not the other?
When The Husband decided to do Atkins, I threw my lot in with his and after much longer than it took him, I managed (with lots more effort, and absolutely no fun) to drop 30 pounds. Then I broke my arm and because I couldn't really exercise (or prepare meals properly) promptly gained 10 pounds back. Over the ensuing roughly 6 years and several vacations filled with wanton eating (it's a vacation for Pete's sake!), I managed to put another 10 pounds back on. Still (I rationalized) I'm down 10 pounds from my peak and that's a good thing, right?
I more fully understand betrayal now. My body has betrayed me. I have some extra plumpness around my middle and absolutely no idea where it came from. I have a couple "handles" on my back above my waist- and what does my back think it needs those "handles" for? I now have a larger-than-life turkey wattle under my chin that waggles to and fro (I try to not shake my head with much vigor, afraid of the results). And I've previously discussed those upper arm dangles/flaps that cause me to always head straight for the longer, looser sleeves. (I'd love to go shopping and find clothes that fit my circumference AND my height. I'm tired of sleeves that hang down to my knees.)
And now, I'm wondering....Does heaven have weight restrictions? Are there fat people in heaven? And if there are, will Heavenly Father love me in the hereafter if I'm still fat?
And if there aren't fat people in heaven, if everyone is at their optimum slenderness, will Heavenly Father recognize me as a skinny person and let me in? And if I'm skinny only in heaven and not here, does that mean He will love me one place and not the other?
Monday, Monday
It's a day for:
Spending hours at the dr.'s office - The Husband's warranty has expired and now he has a couple minor issues: plantar fasciitis, and some weird thing on his thumb the dr. calls eczema. (The Husband is wondering about that second diagnosis, but we'll see how things go.)
Managing to parlay the morning's outing into lunch at Gandalfo's. Can't beat their Reuben. Mmmmm
Picking up some more fresh Nashi pears - had to pay for these, but they are still fantabulous!
Watching the mud / dirt / roadbase get moved around. Hopefully in preparation for paving.
Spending hours at the dr.'s office - The Husband's warranty has expired and now he has a couple minor issues: plantar fasciitis, and some weird thing on his thumb the dr. calls eczema. (The Husband is wondering about that second diagnosis, but we'll see how things go.)
Managing to parlay the morning's outing into lunch at Gandalfo's. Can't beat their Reuben. Mmmmm
Picking up some more fresh Nashi pears - had to pay for these, but they are still fantabulous!
Watching the mud / dirt / roadbase get moved around. Hopefully in preparation for paving.
Options
Opted to refrain from movie attendance today: good decision for today, maybe not so good next week when we'll have more movies to see and we'll be feeling behind. Perhaps it's time to try out the Redbox - or Netflix?
Opted to run a couple errands, including taking some of those fabulous Nashi pears to our son, then opted to take him for lunch. Way fun.
Opted to enjoy the heated seats (and steering wheel) in the Charger.
Opted to remember how much I loved yesterday's sunrise walk on the trail - even though I'm suffering today with that danged sore knee. I fear I'll be opting for the treadmill and the elliptical in the basement for at least a month until I can really get this knee strong and well again.
(As to yesterday's morning walk - loved seeing those 5 deer bounding across the field, stopping at the trail to carefully look both ways before crossing, bounding up the hill, then stopping again at the upper trail to look carefully both ways again before crossing and bounding further on up the hill!)
Opted to savor every minute spent holding The Husband's hand - one of my favorite activities.
Opted to leave the furnaces off yet another day - trying hard to save some of those hard-earned $ before we have to have the heat on full-time. Not quite ready for that. Opted, then, to be grateful for the two fireplaces that spring into full-flame at the touch of a finger and warm the rooms quite nicely.
Opted to enjoy the chocolate frosted chocolate cake confection The Husband so sweetly snuck into the grocery cart. Saving the last one for tomorrow.
Opted to share this great article from the newspaper. I'm not a huge fan of the authors, but this particular article was worth reading, and sharing, and sharing again.
Why serendipity is better than control | Deseret News
Opted to end the day with a heavenward plea to have the right Spirit about me, to have my heart in the right place and to be kind to others (even those who might not, IMHO deserve it).
Opted to run a couple errands, including taking some of those fabulous Nashi pears to our son, then opted to take him for lunch. Way fun.
Opted to enjoy the heated seats (and steering wheel) in the Charger.
Opted to remember how much I loved yesterday's sunrise walk on the trail - even though I'm suffering today with that danged sore knee. I fear I'll be opting for the treadmill and the elliptical in the basement for at least a month until I can really get this knee strong and well again.
(As to yesterday's morning walk - loved seeing those 5 deer bounding across the field, stopping at the trail to carefully look both ways before crossing, bounding up the hill, then stopping again at the upper trail to look carefully both ways again before crossing and bounding further on up the hill!)
Opted to savor every minute spent holding The Husband's hand - one of my favorite activities.
Opted to leave the furnaces off yet another day - trying hard to save some of those hard-earned $ before we have to have the heat on full-time. Not quite ready for that. Opted, then, to be grateful for the two fireplaces that spring into full-flame at the touch of a finger and warm the rooms quite nicely.
Opted to enjoy the chocolate frosted chocolate cake confection The Husband so sweetly snuck into the grocery cart. Saving the last one for tomorrow.
Opted to share this great article from the newspaper. I'm not a huge fan of the authors, but this particular article was worth reading, and sharing, and sharing again.
Why serendipity is better than control | Deseret News
Opted to end the day with a heavenward plea to have the right Spirit about me, to have my heart in the right place and to be kind to others (even those who might not, IMHO deserve it).
Warning
Today's post will be a bit of "vent" (well actually probably a total "vent") hoping that the expressing of these thoughts will help my heart heal a bit and I will finally be able to let go.
So, if reading a catharsis doesn't sound appealing, just stop now.
Weeks ago a friend told me how I had disappointed her. That I hadn't been there for her, that when she needed me I wasn't there. I was so stunned I could only sit there and finally muster a meager "I'm sorry." Not liking confrontation, I appeared to buy in to her sentiments that I was a failure as her friend.
In truth my mind was reeling. As I thought back over the year, my perspective was that I actually had been there for her, but felt I had been pushed away, shoved aside by her. I had been the recipient of mean, accusatory e-mails (which I did not answer in kind, only defended myself), criticism when my behavior did not meet her standards; I extended multiple invitations that were turned down and I was left out of activities that we had previously done together. And her statement that I hadn't been there for her stung. I felt like I had reached out and been rejected - over and over.
(I do understand that there are 3 sides to most situations: Yours, Mine and Reality.)
Still I wanted to cry out how wrong she was. But mum I remained - didn't want to cause a scene and didn't want to make things worse. The result was that I felt much, much worse and she seems fine.
So now, we don't speak. And there is a hole. For years I enjoyed her company, enjoyed the activities we did together, enjoyed our chats. Now, I feel like I am less, like I don't have enough to offer, like I have been labeled disloyal. None of which feels good or right or true.
Women need women friends - that's a fact. There is absolutely nothing to trump the inexpressible joy and fulfillment of a good marriage. And I'm ever grateful for The Husband and his nearly unbelievable devotion to me. Still...there's something different about a woman friend. They are hard to find and harder to replace.
So, my thoughts today: It's hard to lose a friend. It's hard to get over the hurt. But I will persevere.
So, if reading a catharsis doesn't sound appealing, just stop now.
Weeks ago a friend told me how I had disappointed her. That I hadn't been there for her, that when she needed me I wasn't there. I was so stunned I could only sit there and finally muster a meager "I'm sorry." Not liking confrontation, I appeared to buy in to her sentiments that I was a failure as her friend.
In truth my mind was reeling. As I thought back over the year, my perspective was that I actually had been there for her, but felt I had been pushed away, shoved aside by her. I had been the recipient of mean, accusatory e-mails (which I did not answer in kind, only defended myself), criticism when my behavior did not meet her standards; I extended multiple invitations that were turned down and I was left out of activities that we had previously done together. And her statement that I hadn't been there for her stung. I felt like I had reached out and been rejected - over and over.
(I do understand that there are 3 sides to most situations: Yours, Mine and Reality.)
Still I wanted to cry out how wrong she was. But mum I remained - didn't want to cause a scene and didn't want to make things worse. The result was that I felt much, much worse and she seems fine.
So now, we don't speak. And there is a hole. For years I enjoyed her company, enjoyed the activities we did together, enjoyed our chats. Now, I feel like I am less, like I don't have enough to offer, like I have been labeled disloyal. None of which feels good or right or true.
Women need women friends - that's a fact. There is absolutely nothing to trump the inexpressible joy and fulfillment of a good marriage. And I'm ever grateful for The Husband and his nearly unbelievable devotion to me. Still...there's something different about a woman friend. They are hard to find and harder to replace.
So, my thoughts today: It's hard to lose a friend. It's hard to get over the hurt. But I will persevere.
Road
First thing Monday morning the crews were tearing out our road - all of the asphalt. The neighboring subdivision has been in this process for several weeks. Not so on our street. And we weren't notified ahead of time. So it was with some sense of surprise that we watched them work their way up to and just past our house - and stop.
Finally today both sides of the street are down to the road base and - yes, you guessed it - the rains came down. It has been raining steadily (and quite heavily) for some 5 hours now and our street is one muddy mess, puddles everywhere.
And predicted to rain for the next 3-4 days. No paving planned in this precipitation.
Wonder if we can get the city to pay for our cars to be washed?
(And if there are typos, it's because I've had my eyes dilated and can't see. At least that's my excuse today.)
Finally today both sides of the street are down to the road base and - yes, you guessed it - the rains came down. It has been raining steadily (and quite heavily) for some 5 hours now and our street is one muddy mess, puddles everywhere.
And predicted to rain for the next 3-4 days. No paving planned in this precipitation.
Wonder if we can get the city to pay for our cars to be washed?
(And if there are typos, it's because I've had my eyes dilated and can't see. At least that's my excuse today.)
Hope
So amazed today as I listened to General Conference how much of what I heard is what has been on my mind the last little while. Answers usually come in unexpected ways. Spent the evening watching the recorded second session while The Husband and The Son were off at Priesthood. Brought the Spirit into my heart.
Had some success in helping out a friend today, and of course, The Husband did all of the work. He really does have that part of life down. (Even when on occasion (although not today) the ones you're helping are the ones who disappoint.)
Feel like a slug after the rotten eating we did today: popcorn (with extra butter) at the movie (but that was in place of lunch) scrambled eggs for dinner and a gelato shake for after. Sleep will be elusive tonight, I fear. But what fun it was in the eating.
And all of this leaves me thinking about hope:
Hope that tomorrow will be as good as today (although with General Conference that's pretty much a given.)
Hope that more opportunities to help will pop up, and that I will be sensitive enough to seize those opportunities (and have the skill to accomplish what needs doing).
Hope that those things I hope for in my heart will be evident - and that I won't quit hoping for them.
Hope that tomorrow's food fare will be better.... (planning on some ribs for after Conference - should be fun!)
Hope to never give up on hope; that thing that gives us courage and determination and drives us ever onward.
Had some success in helping out a friend today, and of course, The Husband did all of the work. He really does have that part of life down. (Even when on occasion (although not today) the ones you're helping are the ones who disappoint.)
Feel like a slug after the rotten eating we did today: popcorn (with extra butter) at the movie (but that was in place of lunch) scrambled eggs for dinner and a gelato shake for after. Sleep will be elusive tonight, I fear. But what fun it was in the eating.
And all of this leaves me thinking about hope:
Hope that tomorrow will be as good as today (although with General Conference that's pretty much a given.)
Hope that more opportunities to help will pop up, and that I will be sensitive enough to seize those opportunities (and have the skill to accomplish what needs doing).
Hope that those things I hope for in my heart will be evident - and that I won't quit hoping for them.
Hope that tomorrow's food fare will be better.... (planning on some ribs for after Conference - should be fun!)
Hope to never give up on hope; that thing that gives us courage and determination and drives us ever onward.
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