Wednesday Post of Scattered Thoughts Without Any Theme

I can't decide if the last couple days have been just a bit weird or if things are normal and I've forgotten what normal is like.  Here's a non-comprehensive list of things I noticed.

Welcoming the day...
• Got up yesterday morning to the most awesome sky.  I continue to feel reverence for the beauty of the world that was created for our inhabiting.  My phone camera could never do justice to the color of the clouds that faded as I watched.

• Enjoyed seeing the creatures that I've seen the last couple days.  Yesterday I got a kick out of watching the woman feed her horses.  Breakfast anxiousness made them block her entrance into the pen, causing her to shoo them off but barely far enough for her to get the wheelbarrow through the gate.  My unskilled descriptions can't do justice to the scenario that caused me to chuckle at its cuteness.

• Would have managed a picture of the deer I saw this morning if not for the lady coming along behind me scraping and shuffling her feet so noisily that the deer bounded off to safety.  It was only about 12 or 15 feet from me, standing still as a statue - on high alert looking straight into my eyes.  Cool.

• Blooming finally ended (mild sob), stem snipped and the time was right - so off I went for help with re-potting of the orchid from the broken pot to a new one.  Wrong to feel pride, I know, but I didn't mind at all when the lady there complimented me on the healthiness of my orchid.  "Whatever you're doing, keep it up, it's a healthy, happy plant" she said.  (It's hard not to preen at that.)

• Watched at least 6 people rush to help a couple women push their broken down car from the middle of an intersection today.  So many people pushing that a couple had to run in front to stop the car as it came to the side of the road.  It's always heartwarming to see people spontaneously help this way.

• Was standing in the aisle at Wal-Mart absorbed in my decisions when I was assaulted with a balled-up foil gum wrapper.  Hadn't noticed any noise from either of the adjoining aisles, was alone on my aisle. Yes, I do believe that was weird.

5 year old's first lost tooth.
• Had a dove fly into the garage yesterday.  First time for that.

• Enjoyed lunch out.  One-on-one time is good.  Got to see the space from the first lost tooth.

• Just heard the sister we visit teach finally had her little baby girl.  (And I'm so excited to already know what to take them for dinner - a rarity for me.)

• So enjoyed this little passage that I read from a book about living our covenants every day:  "Rather than suggesting a long list of more things we should be doing each day, we can do what we are already doing with greater intent...  Striving to become more awake and alive in the process of our daily life rather than merely passing time brings joy, purpose, and ultimately helps to build the kingdom of God." No, nothing really new here, just liked the way it was phrased.

• Giving a couple friends birthday gifts tomorrow and hoping they'll sense the love behind the physical gift.

• Am loving how nice the car looks since its makeover.  Thanks, My Love, for the wash and wax.

Today's gratitude: for hope.  In the future, in my family, in my goals and dreams.  In all aspects of life.

Righteous Life

Headed out the door this morning and beheld this beautiful rainbow - in a spot in the sky where I've not seen a rainbow before.  (I so love rainbows!)  Reminded me of the religious symbolism of the rainbow.
The rainbow faded as I watched...

Which turned my thoughts to church, to the Savior.  Which reminded me of the song we sang a couple weeks ago - the words have been stuck in my head.

"As now we praise Thy name with song, the blessings of this day
Good words.
Will linger in our thankful hearts, and silently we pray
For courage to accept Thy will, to listen and obey.
We love thee, Lord; our hearts are full.  We'll walk Thy chosen way."

Which reminded me of this little sign I saw in a catalog.

Which makes me think of the right way to live, how often I fall short.  How much I want for everything (and usually everyone) to be perfect.  Not really going to happen in this lifetime.  But I hope I can remember - and more often than I forget - to treat others well. We hurt each other, exclude another and are thoughtless.  This is one way I don't want to follow the crowd.  Am I spitting in the wind hoping to do better?

Had a lovely weekend.  Spent early morning Saturday morning giving my car a much-needed-long-overdue wash followed by a wax.  It was fun to be working together with The Husband.  Had a very low-key rest of the weekend.  Even managed a little stroll last night just before the rain.  Couldn't have been a more welcome way to spend a couple days.  Made it a little easier to anticipate the week:  a couple lunches out, a couple errands, a new baby for a lady I visit teach and maybe even a little bit of fun sprinkled in.

It's Friday, It's Friday...

Friday is such a fun way to end the work week.  I'll just go stream of consciousness here:

Cheeky Dandelion
• The Husband works hard to keep the weeds out of the yard.  Teensy though it is, I thought it was mighty cheeky of this dandelion (the single one I found in the yard) to bloom at the edge of our lawn.  (The fun yellow, however, somewhat redeems the noxiousness of the weed.)

• Remarked that I ought to listen a bit more carefully before sticking my nose in the roses to smell.  That buzzing noise wasn't just my ears.  More like a bee...)

• Continue to find humor in the quirks and foibles of my CDO (that's OCD in alphabetical order - yes an inside joke) even though I try so hard to mellow out. Pretty sure my CDO is a gentler version of the dictionary-defined kind.
Blister-Free!!

• And that aging thing.  Dislike certain parts of it.  Like other parts better.  Getting more comfortable in my own skin and less like I need to care what others think.  I'm old after all.  At least that's my excuse - for everything:  socks with sandals, old-lady hair, loss of memory, frumpy body...whatever.

• Sprang for a new pair of walking shoes.  Decided to give a (fairly new) local company a chance.  They're quite homely, but boy are they comfy.  Even a historically problematic callous on one of my toes has disappeared.  Good walking even at a brisk pace. (Definition of brisk:  subjective.)

• Still learning.  Every day.  About acceptance, love, tolerance, kindness, thoughtfulness.  Seemingly no end to the things I still have to conquer in this world.

• Finally found the anniversary card I bought for The Husband for 19 July.  That age (memory) thing again. Happy Anniversary My Love.

Today's gratitude:  for a working washer and dryer that adds so much convenience to my life.  Yep, today's laundry day.

Today Was

A (rare) fairly stress-free day. One of those mostly-stay-at-home days when it is lovely to putter around, fold the laundry, iron, catch up on some reading.  They don't often happen and when they do I treasure them.  (Too many of them in a row and I get restless...I guess there's just no pleasing some people.)
Pretty.

Was invited to lunch.  The Husband and I had a delightful time chatting and enjoying our frozen custard.  Butterfinger mix-ins was an unusual treat for me.  YUM!

Most of my orchids are done blooming.  The spent blossoms are dropping nearly faster than I can pick them up.  This one, however, decided to grace us with its beauty.  Nothing quite like fresh flowers in our home.

And my favorite memory from yesterday: having a special 7 year old slip her hand in mine and hold it as we walked along.  Can't even begin to describe what that does for my heart.

Today's gratitude:  for peace and contentment in my soul.

Only 9:45 a.m. and...

My head is already full of thoughts.

From my early-morning walk:

1. iPod was out of juice.  Thus I was able to clearly hear the theme song from Rocky coming from somewhere above me.  An old tree at some long ago point had a platform built in its branches.  A couple of younger teens had slept there last night.  The song was their alarm to wake and face the day. I bet they had fun!

2. Noticed a lady walking along reading.  Made me smile - and wish I'd brought along a book of my own.

Aahh,  shade...
Been thinking a lot lately about service.  I think people are generally service oriented.  It does us good to help another.  Recently have been hearing people talk about how they bless another's life with their service and how they love blessing others this way.  This makes me uneasy and uncomfortable.  Service is fabulous. Helping another equally so.  The attitude that we serve to bless another's life is subtly but distinctly different.  It somehow conveys a tendency toward arrogance or elevation of one's status above another.  Not so good, in my opinion.  True service - to help another -  fulfills our Heavenly Father's purposes.  It is unselfish, charitable and altruistic - the good kind of service.

And this was my car yesterday afternoon and will be again today as I head out for lunch and some errands.  I seek whatever small spot of shade I can find in this 100+ degree weather.  It helps.

Today's gratitude:  for the shade of trees!

Weekend

So, yesterday when The Husband spoke at the funeral he did wonderful.  He's always so poised and articulate.  We laughed and remembered and loved the remembering.  Funerals are so definitely for the living.

I felt important.  Yep, I actually did.  The little girl around the corner turned 2 today.  They often sit behind us in Sacrament meeting.  After the block meetings I was chatting with her Mom and the little one came up to me - lifted up her arms in that sweet "please-pick-me-up" gesture so cute on the little ones.  The reason for my reaction:  she often has a scowl on her face.  If she doesn't know you pretty well, she just doesn't want to talk and her face conveys the message with clarity.  (In fact,  I don't actually remember ever seeing her request to be picked up like that before.)  YAY for me!

Am still grumpy about my step counter.  Tried to download my steps on Friday from two days.  Had lots of steps to record on the Virgin HealthMiles website.  Error!!  Some malfunction showed I hadn't stepped even one step on the first day and only a few on the second.  Grrrr.

Coconut macaroons still a favorite.  Eons ago when The Husband was commuting to CA on a weekly basis he'd often bring me one of those delectable cookies from a shop at the airport.  Had a giftcard to a local eatery that needed to be used.  My treat was a chocolate covered macaroon.  Heaven on my tastebuds.

Today's gratitude:  for young souls with accepting hearts that don't care that someone is fat/homely/old/poor/un-cool/friendless and welcome us anyway.

41 Years

41 Years ago this very day we were in the Logan Temple being sealed as a couple for always.  And our screaming-hours-and-hours-past-feeding-time-3-month-old-(preemie)-daughter was sealed to us.  A day we celebrate not only on the anniversary date, but every day of our lives.  What a privilege to have found each other.

Ran a couple errands this morning and managed to stop in and see our son in Provo.  We hardly ever get to see him.  What fun to see his Tiny House project.  It is quite a feat and we are impressed with all he's done - without going into debt no less.  The cedar ceiling is particularly lovely.  It is an amazing undertaking.
Isn't he a beauty?

And what fun for me to watch these two men I love (Husband and son) talk together about projects they are both working on and how things will work.  What a blessing to have handy guys around that aren't afraid to "get into" a project and actually enjoy the implementation of such projects as well as the completed product.

Leave some breakfast for me!
This morning's bike ride was interrupted by the sighting of four lovely deer - each one sporting antlers in various stages of growth.  I always think it bodes well for the day when I see some of the wildlife that inhabits this earth.

Yesterday's walk yielded this flock of ducks all foraging in the weeds along the trail for breakfast. Of course they scattered the closer I got so it was impossible to snap a picture of all of them.  (And I didn't want to delay my walking partner.)

Now it's off to the church to help set up for the funeral tomorrow. The Husband is speaking, one of those taxing privileges.  I know he'll be equal-and-then-some to the task.

Today's gratitude:  for our eternal marriage/partnership.

The Lone Voice....

Received an email from the woman hosting book group this month with the notification of the book choice.

I'm just astonished.  I so often feel like the "lone voice in the wilderness" in my plea for decency.  This is a prime example.

The Lone Voice in the Wilderness.
The book she chose is written by a woman who made a grundle of money and fame for writing a series of books targeting the tween reader.  This is her first foray into adult fiction.  When first published I rejected the book as a possible read based on many reviews decrying the smutty nature of her writing. Nothing has happened in the intervening time to change my mind.

And here we are having this book chosen for the book group (of which I am still-kinda-sorta-maybe-not really a member).  The book chooser:  a woman who professes to be steadfast and true in the gospel of Jesus Christ and all that entails and stands for.

First thing I did was once again research the book.  Even read a couple small excerpts.  The writing hasn't changed.  It is still smutty.  The kind of thing that neither uplifts or enriches.  And truly does not add one whit to the plot.  The tipping point for me is that this kind of crap is so unnecessary.

Bottom line:  I won't be going to book group this month.  Again.  I won't bother reading stuff that disgusts me.  Nor is it worth my time discussing it with women who have waded through the filth in their  reading.  And again:  I feel like the "lone voice in the wilderness."  I must be comfortable out there by myself - I'm so often in the wilderness, alone. This editorial cartoon so aptly describes the sensation.  (And this isn't a criticism of this particular movie.  It just seemed to capture my emotion of the moment.)

And....another funeral on Saturday.  Our friend/former home teacher has gone to heaven.  A relief for him.  Sad for us.

Today's gratitude:  for lovely, wonderful books to read that the author took care to craft in such a way as to make the reading a good experience.  Clean books can and often do equal good reading.

Skill

Revisiting an old subject:  that of listening.  IMO listening is a sadly declining skill.  Under appreciated/utilized/practiced.  But totally crucial to successful relationships.

In the last couple days I've been aware of several instances where not listening has caused issues. Feelings can be hurt, misunderstandings can occur and frustrations abound (when the speaker has to repeat because of poor listening/listeners).

Reluctantly allowed myself to be dragged off to a dinner last night.  11 people around one big long table at a restaurant.  (there nearly were 14 people there.  Though we missed those who couldn't come, I was secretly grateful there weren't more attending.  I'm s-o-o not good in crowds.)  Aside from the fact that it was difficult to hear (not to be confused with not paying attention) I found myself being a bad listener.

Some souls just like the sound of their own voice repeating the sound track from their mind.  Some people (droning on and on deleted because I was bored with the sound of my thoughts as I proofread what I'd preached) are just not interested in other people.

Good Morning Caw Caw!!
I found myself pretending (and mostly trying) to listen to a woman go on at length about her opinion, while at the same time trying to stretch my ear clear over to the other side to hear what was being said by the others.  Bad, bad listening practice.  Successful?  Not in the least.

So, I really need to work on that listening thing.  And being patient with those who don't listen or work on listening.  Sigh.

Rarely do I see a crow around here.  This one greeted me this morning - felt like it actually called out to me as I headed toward it on the trail.  As soon as I snapped this shot  - it was gone, flying off into the clouds.  Fun way to greet the morning.

Snow Cones and what???

Yellow is such a happy color.
Been watching these teensy weeds along the trail.  The blooms can't be more than 1/4" across.  And I realize they're weeds.  Still, their happy yellow makes me smile.

So...we stopped at one of those Sno Shacks that seem to be in every strip mall parking lot for the traditional birthday sno cones for the daughter.  Sitting there in the chairs they provide, enjoying the breeze and the treat we idly watched a young family come for treats of their own.

And were stunned into silence as the Mom took the little guy (maybe 2 1/2 or 3 years old at max) over by the tree, pulled down his swim trunks an helped him water the tree with his tinkle.  Said tree is next to a very main thoroughfare in our little burg - 5 lanes wide.  Cars whizzing (no pun intended) past with rarely a break in traffic.  (Also right close to several establishments with restrooms that could have been utilized.)

Daughter said her appetite for the last tidbit of her sno cone was gone.  Pretty soon, so were we. Shaking our heads all the way.  I'll be keeping an eye on the tree to see if there are any ill effects.  Makes one wonder...

Inside My Head

I always say that when The Husband is gone I tend to live too much inside my head. Then, when I manage to talk to someone it seems like a week's worth of thoughts explode outward; most likely causing the other person to question their time commitment to this particular conversation.

Been thinking today about a phrase I heard: faithful and true heart.  My heart yearns to be faithful and true. And kind and loving. It takes some leap(s) of faith to go forward in life, ever striving and working for a new, improved version of myself.  Which brings me to today's Rose Is Rose.  I'm a big fan of even a small leap of faith.  Larger leaps might be harder, but when successful...Wow!

Rose is Rose

Was surprised today.  Bought 10 or so cards for some upcoming birthdays. The cashier thanked me for putting all the cards in a pile so their bar codes were visible without her having to turn them around or lift the envelope flap.  Didn't think something so minor would matter.  But to her it did - enough for her to remark on it and thank me for my efforts. Sometimes it does feel like life/the world hinges on very small things.
Clock That Can't Count

The Husband inherited this little clock from his Grandmother via his Mom.  Its annoying tick and hourly chimes (spring chime) have finally landed it in my sewing room (the place where it causes the least irritation). Recently we've noticed it has begun to act out.  The closer the hour gets to 12, the more erratic becomes the number of chimes.  No longer can we count the chimes in the middle of the night to know the hour in which we are not sleeping (though we wish we were sleeping).  The Husband took it apart the other morning.  Couldn't find anything wrong with it.  Put it back together.  And yep, it still likes to play with our minds.  Sometimes it chimes accurately.  Most often it doesn't.  Way to keep us on our toes.

Today's gratitude: for kind people who are patient with my thought torrent when I've been alone for too many days.

Ashamed

I am a little ashamed of myself.

I've mentioned how much I enjoy my solitude as I walk in the morning.  Lately I've encountered a woman and her two friends that annoy me - a lot.

Only one of two deer I saw today.
She is determined to greet everyone she meets and have them return her morning hello.  (Her greeting is w-a-y too chipper-loud.  She is by nature a loud somewhat pushy person. I have seen this person at church meetings.  I'm aware of her personality.) Now I realize that civility and good manners would compel me to return her greeting.  But something about her makes me feel mulish.  So I rebel.  I've tried looking away, giving her a meager smile, lifting my hand in a half-wave.  Nothing deters her from barraging me with her "good morning, how are you" and demanding my response.

She walks in the opposite direction so I generally see her going and coming.  This morning's outbound walk brought not only a good morning from her, but she actually stuck her hand in front of my face and waved it as she yelled her good morning.  (And yes, she yells.  At this point it might be inferred that I could be irritated by just about anything she does.  And that would probably be correct.  Hey, I never said I was perfect, in fact I fully recognize that anti-social part of me. I'm just a frumpy old lady.)

I actually felt a little like my personal space was violated.  It was, really, just rude.

So I did something rude in return.  When next I saw them coming toward me and I knew I would be yet again accosted I just couldn't do it.  So... get closer...wait for it... then at just the right moment I pulled out my phone, looked at the screen and proceeded to talk to it.  I channeled my inner Angelina Jolie-actress and played the part to the hilt.  I pretended to have a phone call.  I was dishonest.

The bad(good) part was:  it worked.  She didn't talk to me.  Just walked on by.  Had she turned around she would have seen me stuffing my phone back into my pocket and breathing a huge sigh of relief.  Peace returned.

And now:  I feel guilty for being unkind.   (Surely by now I should be ok with ignoring someone that tells me what to do. Somehow that seems at odds with trying to be kind.)  Maybe tomorrow I won't see her.

A Couple Of Strike-Outs

I came home from my abbreviated walk on the trail with my spirits lifted because I was able to get back out.  I've missed it these last 4 days, and it felt good to walk.

Presented the raggy baby blanket I made for the gal I visit teach.  Her baby is due in 17 days. I think she liked it.  It was such fun to do.

Got frustrated trying to get in and out of the neighborhood with all the construction.  That same flag-man who yelled at me is not the best at his real job:  directing traffic.  His hand directions are unclear and he's even bossy with his hands.  We will all be so grateful when the construction is all finished.  (Probably just in time for them to start the next construction project.  We know how it works.)

Crow
Set out to do a couple errands.  Drove 11 miles to get a specific gift only to find they are out.  And I need to wait.  Sigh.

Next item on my list:  they were also out.  Sigh.  (Although I remembered that Target across the street carries it; on the off chance, I drove over and Yippee! made my purchase.)

Next item:  went to three places.  Ended up going back to place #1 and got what I needed.  Isn't quite what I wanted, but it will do.  Sigh.

Treated myself to lunch at Olive Garden.  Soup and Salad.  Yum!  UN-Sigh.

And then decided that it might be best to spend the rest of the day at home.  Won't need to sigh so much that way.

One of the yards backing the trail is overflowing with plants and birdhouses and signs and scarecrows and trellis and all manner of yard decoration.  This morning revealed a new character.  I think it is supposed to be a crow.  Not very scary.  But a welcome-crow.  Cute.

Today's gratitude:  That The Husband is very conscious of the amount of air in my bike tires.  Watched a young lady pedaling along.  She was working quite a bit harder than she needed to because her tires were only about half inflated.  Thanks, My Love, I so appreciate your attention to my every need.

Another One Bites The Dust.... (Glass that is)

The funeral today was so very nice.  A wonderful tribute to a much-loved man and how privileged I felt to be there.  (The music went ok.  I made several mistakes, but fortunately I have lots of experience with mistakes and I just go on and pretend like I didn't make them.  Hoping that the listeners will be a bit uncertain about whether or not they really heard what they thought they heard.  "Naw - couldn't have."  Sometimes that works.)

I thought a lot about my friend this morning.  How do you face the day when you bury your loved one?  Several of my dearest friends have had this experience and it tears at my heart.

The best antidote for my stress/nervousness induced headache was a quiet meal.  And a gelato treat-for-dessert.  (Now I just have to get through Sacrament Meeting tomorrow and I'll be ok for a bit. The organ and I have a relationship of mutual loathing. Even after a lifetime of playing it, I'm still w-a-y out of my comfort zone when playing the organ.  But I'm happy to help out.)

Remnants of my broken glass. 
And just this morning was talking to a couple about being a KLUTZ.  Been that way my whole life.  Isn't likely to change at this point.  Dropped a 16 oz. glass on the floor.  Even the rug couldn't save its life.  (I needed to vacuum in there anyway.)  Managed to clean it all up without any cuts.  I feel like such an idiot.  Happens all the time sez The Husband.  Not to him.  Starting to wonder if my antipathy towards the organ extends to all things glass as well.  I surely seem to have difficulty there.

Tonight's gratitude:  for flowers in abundance that manifest in just a small way the love we share for others.

Holidays

Holidays are difficult for me.  There's always this unspoken hope for a picture-perfect-Norman-Rockwell kind of day.  And even though I call myself a pessimist, and don't expect much, there's still always that unquenched longing.

The Husband and I knew early on it would just be the two of us.  We've mostly lived off by ourselves, away from family - so not much opportunity for family parties. I never learned to throw a family party - and I don't really have that kind of creative makeup that allows me to be successful at that kind of thing.

Now that the children are grown, there are grandchildren and extended family members...things can be complicated.  I love getting together even though I'm not great at activities/games/meals/etc.

When I was a kid we'd go to see my grandparents who had most of their adult children living near and it was a non-stop-merry-go-round of activities.  We were townies who loved seeing what life was like in rural areas. (That was on my Mom's side.)  What a revelation to be given a nickel or a dime and be able to walk to the corner market and come out with what felt like grundles of candy.  It was grand fun.  (My Dad had siblings, nieces and nephews I never met; not much interaction with his side of the family.)  Admittedly, times were different then.  Simpler in a lot of ways.  I have fond memories.

I often wish I had known better how to have holidays and family get-togethers.  I watch other families push everything aside to spend time with each other and know a sense of envy (yes, I am aware that envy is a sin) - and disappointment in myself that I wasn't better at that mothering thing.  Holidays could be so different if I had been...more/better. (Also makes me wonder what it will be like in heaven, if I ever get there.)

This pretty little orchid probably is less than an inch long.  So fun to see it blooming again.  The other orchids are slowly beginning to fade.  One of them has lost two blooms.  I sorely dislike seeing them go, there is nothing quite like fresh flowers in a house.

Trail

I miss it when I can't get out in the morning - either on the trail for walking, biking or walking a different route through the city.  I had conflicts last Thursday and Friday.  Then again yesterday morning.  Tomorrow and Friday are work holidays for The Husband so I'm not sure what will happen then.

This old body of mine doesn't like it when I miss out on that early morning exercise routine.  (And I swear it helps to keep my mind working better.)

Maybe a good apple year, unless I've misidentified the tree.
So, I enjoyed my morning walk today.  Ran into that older couple going.  Then coming, she was by herself.  I chatted with her a minute, she said her husband likes to go a bit further than she does, but that he'd be catching up to her pretty quick.  And sure enough, along about 10 minutes later, there he was speed shuffling along.  (Actually, neither one of them shuffles, they're quite spry.)

I find myself filled with hope when I look at the trees lining the trail.  So many of them are fruit trees of one kind or another.  When I see the teensy fruit growing, getting larger all the time it gives me hope for the future.  At least this season those trees will have lots of pears and apples and peaches.  Somehow it refreshes my faith in the future.

Giving myself pep talks for the weekend.  Playing for the funeral on Saturday, substituting on the organ for Sunday and then my usual primary responsibilities have me on edge a bit.  I never want to disappoint anyone - particularly Heavenly Father - as I attempt to bring the Spirit into the meetings.  So I prepare...and practice...and practice...and practice some more.  Perhaps those angels who help me will be primed and ready to guide my fingers to the proper notes.  They have in the past.  I'm counting on them again.

Surely Monday Morning

An undercurrent of my mental conversations lately has been the theme of "respect" or esteem of other people.  I know we're counseled not to judge.  (And that takes my mental meanderings in a whole different direction...) There is however, a certain amount of judgement that must take place as we learn and live and try to align our souls-hearts with the will our of Heavenly Father.  And allow other people the choice to progress on their own without our intervention or demands that they fit their actions / personality to suit our plan for them.  (That requirement is what The Husband calls "Plan B"- or force.)

I have found myself losing respect for people.  People in general and also specific.  My esteem of them erodes when I see behavior that is incongruous with their professed philosophy.  I have even disabled my FaceBook account because of the chasm I see between the pictures posted (and language used) and the "Sunday persona".

The continuation of the thought process requires that I then examine my own behavior and professed standards.  Are they in alignment?  Definitely not 100%.  I try, sometimes failing and sometimes succeeding.  Hopefully succeeding more often than not.  Were I as charitable as I'd like to be, I could easily dimiss others' foibles as their own steps on the progression path.  (And quick as I think it I realize there is yet another of my difficulties to work on.  Being more charitable.)  I guess the bottom line of all this thinking is that I should try to live so that other people will respect me.  That their esteem of me doesn't plummet when they see me in an unfamiliar setting - or heaven forbid, when I'm driving.

I don't think my brain is yet finished with this subject, but perhaps by putting it down in writing, my thoughts will dwell a little less on it for awhile.  I'm ready for mental conversations with myself on other subjects.

Holding hands...
Monday morning has already brought:  dropped yogurt (on the floor and on the front of me) difficulties with my attire, a non-delivered newspaper, an unsatisfying conversation with the newspaper office (followed by me on my knees repenting of my rudeness) and listening to The Husband on the phone making phone call after phone call trying to track down something for the grow boxes.  Each time he hangs up from a call I wait for it.  Then... The Sigh.  Poor guy.

I have noticed that same older couple on the trail lately.  (This morning they had added a friend to accompany them on their walk.) Always, always holding hands like the connection completes the circle for the sustenance of their life.  I understand the feeling.

Today's gratitude:  for a few people who accept me as I am and don't try to improve me to meet their standards.  And for The Husband's willingness to always hold my hand.