Dream

Had a dream last night.  It ratcheted up my nervousness and worry about tomorrow's funeral.

My friend was asked to sing at a relative's funeral.  I was invited to accompany him.  As time went on, my role increased to include all the organ playing at the funeral.  It's fine, really, happy to help.  It's often better for me if the funeral is for someone I don't know.  Funerals - no matter whose - are still hard for me.  (A friend said the other day that when you do stuff that is hard for you but you do it anyway then you get extra brownie points.  What a lovely thought.)

So the dream:  the chapel was dark,  the regular organist was upset because she wasn't asked to play and I was so she left the organ all covered with dark unidentifiable crud.  She refused to tell me how it worked (none of the setting buttons were labeled).  The piano was across the chapel in a strange spot and closed, so difficult to access.  And on and on.  Unsettling.

Every piano is different - even amongst the same brands.  Not all churches have the same organs.  So I'm already nervous about walking in to the church tomorrow - to play prelude, hymns, postlude and accompany a singer on the piano - essentially blind as to the set up.  I've practiced and practiced, hoping my preparation will balance out the ever-present nerves I'm plagued with.  Fingers crossed, prayers said.

Spring!

We have a couple great daughters.  They are kind, true, brave and generous.  One has a birthday in a couple weeks.  I have felt some anxiety trying to figure out a gift for her. Without success.  Gift cards seem so impersonal.  (Though I love to have them.)  I try to not give cash after finding out all the cash we birthday-gifted a loved one ended up going to bills.  I'm fully aware that once a gift is given what the recipient does with it is totally up to them.  But somehow it leaves a bad taste in my mouth to see that my gift intended for some little luxury just for them ended up going to bills.  So cash isn't my go to any more. I wish I was creative and clever and could come up with just the right thing.😒

Saturday's storehouse shift was short.  I over-reacted.  Decided I wasn't fit to be there, was definitely not bringing the Spirit (as the sweet opening prayer requested for us all).  Honestly, it was kind of fun to be free those extra hours.  Felt like a kid unexpectedly let out of school early.  Fingers and toes crossed that this Saturday will be better. Lots of texts have been exchanged and I want to think there'll be peace.

Sunday afternoon the weather was lovely enough that we went for our Sunday stroll. We saw lots and lots of daffodils blooming.  Most of the crocus seem to be done.  I love Spring!! 

Monday we drove down to Utah County to pick up our tax stuff and pay the preparer.  What a relief to not have to pay any again this year.  Tuesday we went to an afternoon movie and then dinner with our friends.  Such fun to be with them, though I suspect we won't be doing it often.  We're old and not quite as with it.  Yesterday was class at the rec center.  I don't mind missing the class on Monday and Friday but I absolutely love getting to the Wednesday class with my favorite teacher.  Today is lunch with a couple friends (ministering), tomorrow is the funeral, Saturday the storehouse and our week is finished.

I'm so grateful for things to do that keep us busy and somewhat involved.  I know our world is very small compared to lots of other people.  But we do what we can and look for more opportunities. I'm grateful for spring flowers.  I'm grateful for refillable popcorn buckets, The Husband surely enjoyed not only the eating, but the sharing.  I'm grateful for some sunshine.  I'm grateful for finally figuring out the dang thermostats.  (Lesson learned:  don't trust the installer to know how they work, because the installer doesn't, and didn't give the best advice. But I'm finally on top of it.) I'm grateful today most especially for prayer and the hope for Heavenly help as I navigate the little (that feel big) trials that I encounter every day.  

Weekend

So, it was an interesting weekend.  Things at the Bishop's Storehouse change all the time.  There's currently a surfeit of senior missionaries there on Saturday mornings.  I dislike not having things to do.  I also dislike (more like resent and rebel) when I'm told what to do & constantly "taught" about how to do things properly (their way).  I tend to be surrounded by bossy and controlling people.  Must be a lesson in there that I'm supposed to be learning and am failing at.

Treated ourselves to late lunch at Olive Garden.  I will never tire of their soup/salad combo.  The Husband went for their lasagne though he felt like it was expensive.  I figure he got two full meals out of that so it wasn't really that expensive.

Came home and discovered that one of the bulbs in the bathroom/shower had burned out.  That bulb was original to the house, installed with all the other bulbs by the builder just before we moved in.  24 years ago.  We have more than a few of those original bulbs.  I was nervous about having the extension ladder brought in to replace it, those ceilings are high - probably around 12 foot. And the shower wall/door is glass, the floor slanted so the water drains.  The Husband:  my hero.  I have been grateful our entire marriage for his abilities and how he has always taken such good care of us.   The thought, though, was astonishment that we still have lightbulbs in our house that are working fine after 24 years.  Knock on wood.

Wanted to walk Sunday afternoon, it was sunny out and warm-ish.  But the wind was too fierce.  Stayed windy all day yesterday.  This morning we woke to this view.  That was hours ago and the snow is still hiding those hills. A good stay-in day.

Wish I had a picture from our morning walk yesterday.  We watch a squirrel descend a tree, climb the next one, scamper out on a long (swaying in the wind) branch, to hop over to the swaying branch on a tree across the trail and then scamper down again.  I couldn't help but wonder if it was more fun to cross the trail by jumping across in the trees than just rushing across the trail on the ground.  It was so cute.   I loved hearing the birds.  I can hear them better than The Husband.  Over by the library I'm convinced there are a couple of red-winged blackbirds, their call is so distinctive.  Haven't managed to see them, but I've heard them.

And I'm practicing to accompany Robert in a funeral sometime this week.  They know their loved one is passing, so they are doing as much pre-prep as possible.  Robert will sing a song he has also been asked to sing in our Sacrament meeting on Easter Sunday.  It's been tricky practicing because the music he gave me had no words included.  I count on them to keep in sync with the singer.  I've written them in as best I can, but am pretty sure it's not quite accurate.  I'll keep practicing and hope that I know the notes well enough that following the singer will be possible.  My goal is always to focus on the singer, the music and the Spirit it brings.  

Today I'm so grateful for plumbers that can come out pretty quick and fix a leaking broken valve.  The first plumber we called could get us in on Friday.  Really, four days away? ( Four days is a very long time to be without water in the house.)  Called the next one and was so very pleased; they came out, assessed and estimated time and cost and got busy with the repair. Made it all look easy.  And my tears of frustration and concern were absolutely unwarranted.  Too much going on all at once and I was too easily overwhelmed.  I'm so grateful for repentance and hope that my forgiveness (from The Husband as well as heaven) will be complete.  I'm grateful that Amazon makes returns so easy.  I had such high hopes, I don't often get new things to wear and was hoping these would work.  But no, back they went.  Instead, I've ordered a new little hand-vac to replace our apparently faulty one.  Would rather have a new blouse.  But truly, I already have plenty. 

I'm grateful for the ability to stay at home in the daunting weather, with good furnaces, a good roof, food in the cupboards and determination to be a better human being today.  I won't give up.  Even though any progress seems small and temporary.  I'll keep trying.

Mid-Week Meanderings Through My Mind

Yum!!

 Got a text from our neighbor/ministering brother yesterday morning.  He's got some pork roast in his smoker.  Would we be interested in some meat for taco Tuesday dinner?  Of course. 😋 Not only did he bring over some super-yummy shredded pork, but also the coleslaw, salsa and corn tortillas.  I added a sliced apple and we had a complete dinner.  There was enough pork leftover for The Husband's lunch today.  Now, I'm often feeling forgotten and unimportant in the world.  But every once-in-a-rare-while some experience comes along that is so totally unexpected it kind of throws me.  We don't really ever expect anyone to be so generous and kind to us.  It was a lovely dinner that tasted probably w-a-y better simply because it was a gift.

Ran to Utah County today to finally take our tax papers to our CPA.  It takes these financial institutions lots longer than I think it ought to, to get the required information to us. But then, obviously, I'm not in charge.  (Probably a good thing.)

Sometimes it seems like perhaps a good idea to quit reading the news.  Sometimes, though, an article pops up that piques my interest.  I liked this one: Aristotles Virtues / Happiness  I agree with a lot of those virtues.

Told The Husband today sometimes I just want to stop with the "being responsible".  I want to just eat what I want, whenever I want; to just play the day away; to spend wantonly without regard to cost or what it would mean for our future finances; to just - I guess- be selfish.  Being responsible can be taxing.  Not sure I like that label or the burden it brings.  So, did we stop for that gelato that was calling to me as we drove past?  Nope.  Was responsible.  Darn-it.

I'm grateful that today we've got a good ethical person doing our taxes.  (Fingers crossed we won't have to pay.)  Grateful for the completion of a small project.  And grateful for another one just waiting for me to begin.  I hope for the ability to continue to take care of all that needs taking care of - that I'll be up to the responsibilities that are mine, in spite of my fears and inadequacies. Perhaps someday I'll manage to conquer at least a few of those faults.  

Scripture

Came across this Doctrine and Covenants (chapter 78) reference this morning.  I included verse 19, because it felt important.

17 Verily, verily, I say unto you, ye are little children, and ye have not as yet understood how great blessings the Father hath in his own hands and prepared for you;

18 And ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along. The kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours.

19 And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more.

I guess I must have needed to read that this morning.  I work hard at being grateful and having a thankful heart.  That "good cheer" part is a bit more challenging.  Especially when life gets in the way, as it is wont to do.  I want to be led along by our Creator.  That will be the best path.