Wish I Had A Picture -

 - of the sweet hug we saw a woman give her horse this morning.  We often walk that route and The Husband always greets all the horses there, there's about 4 in that particular area.  This morning The Husband greeted not only the horses, but the woman also.  She came over for a bit of a chat.  The horse is named Caesar - great, great grandson of Secretariat, so good bloodlines. Caesar was also a racehorse.  Anyway, we learned about her horse and a bit about herself.  She said this horse saved her, almost teared up (which made me struggle with the same tearing up). I told her I wish I'd had a picture of the way she hugged him and patted him and stroked him.  The look on her face was pure love.  😢

Last night we attended a benefit concert downtown SLC.  We didn't go for the "benefit" (fundraising) part, but for the music.  Live music is always very fun and my hope was that The Husband would really enjoy it.  (We truly need more "out of the box" non-routine activities, it's good for him.) I think he did.  I did, very much so.  Want to always remember this little tiny portion.  The singer has an 18 month old son.  Says he sings to him every night, while the little guy holds his Kermit the Frog, "The Rainbow Connection".  Sang it for us last night, after mentioning that he's never sung this song in public before and we were all captivated.  His eyes were closed as he finished off the song and you could just see him thinking of his precious son, was feeling all the feels.  I wondered how many of the audience noticed (as I did) the unobtrusive quick swipe of a single tear off his cheekbone.  He jumped immediately into a very upbeat and energetic song; in my opinion, though, "The Rainbow Connection" was truly the highlight. Very tender.

Were making our way down the baking aisle at the grocery.  I reached over and nabbed two bags (they're smaller now, remember?) of chocolate chips and heard a loud "load it up" from behind me.  Curious, I looked around and an older guy caught my eye and said, "that's not near enough".  Ha ha ha. We fellow chocolate chip lovers recognize each other.  Completely removed any guilt I might have felt about buying those chocolate chips and was even mildly tempted to grab another bag.

I've very often, throughout my life, felt pretty invisible.  More so since entering "old" age.  I've had the thought a couple times that perhaps the reason people talk to me  (like the horse woman this morning, the chocolate chip guy yesterday - it still happens often enough that I notice, especially since I'm not usually initiating conversation with anyone)  wherever I am is Heavenly Father's way of letting me know I'm not quite completely invisible.  Is that possible? 

Today I'm so grateful for the stars in the morning.  Our walks begin in darkness, it feeds my soul to watch the day arrive.  I'm grateful for benches along the way of our walks for The Husband to have a bit of a rest.  I'm grateful that we were able to attend the concert last night - tickets were buy one and get the second half off, another reason to be grateful, made it easier to justify that luxury.  I'm grateful for the kindness of strangers, and that someone feels comfortable enough around me (sometimes a complete stranger)  speak freely.  And I'm so grateful for my loved ones.  I might wish that things were better between us, but at least no one seems to actively dislike us and I consider that a blessing.  I'm grateful that we celebrated our 56th anniversary.  No one else I would rather journey through this life than The Husband.  I'm so grateful he's tolerant of my innumerable flaws and instead notices my (so far unfulfilled) potential.  💖

Just Lots Of Thoughts

So.  Where to begin?  Actually had the fireplace fixed.  Called a company and they came within a few days - I expected a long wait for service.  Interesting guy  that did the service - he's from Ukraine and we had a bit of a conversation.  There were several things wrong with the fireplace, several things mean several more increments of money outgo.  Learned that when the gas flame is blue and getting blue-er it means it is being oxygen deprived.  The culprit?  A piece of roofing shingle that managed to find its way into the vent pipe.  Since then things seem to be working well.  Though we aren't having the fireplace on just now - still too hot.  Is it obvious that I'm pretty done with summer and the heat?

While he was here I practiced the piano.  He was excited to show me a video he took of the fireplace burning with the piano music as the soundtrack.  I guess he enjoyed the music. 

These people that come work on things around the house?  They like to be paid with a check.  When I paid for the window, I didn't realize I wrote the very last check.  No idea where the order form ended up.  After quite a period of time online/on the phone with the credit union, I finally got some checks ordered - got the smallest number of checks possible.  They arrived quickly but oh, so wrong.  So many things.  I was going to try to just live with it, but decided that since I'd spent the money to have them done, they might as well be done properly.  Again, on the phone.  Nice young man who helped me, seemed to know his stuff.  Though he admitted that he'd never actually written a check, wouldn't really know how.  Sheesh, I'm feeling my age.  The new ones he ordered will arrive soon, fingers crossed.

Bought some new seed for the birds.  Watched a squirrel (think it's a fox squirrel) absolutely decimate a whole lot of the last seed cake we had out there.  Thought these feeders were squirrel resistant.  But the critter is determined, determined and determined.  At the store, the guy recommended the hot pepper seed cake. With only a bit of hesitation we bought some.  Watched the squirrel this morning head for the new seed. Was only there momentarily.  Leapt to the other feeder with the remaining non-peppery seed and did his best to finish it off.  While I ate breakfast I watched him visit the non-pepper seed a lot.  It appears the pepper seed is effective for this little squirrel.  Birds don't have the sensory receptors that mammals do so the birds don't mind the pepper.  So far, I think we have a winner. (The picture was taken through the window and cropped many many times, hence the blurriness.)

And finally: I had some serious trembling and heart racing yesterday.  Stopped at a store we rarely go to.  Pulled into a shady parking spot and remarked out loud that it might be tricky getting out of that particular spot because of the lot traffic.  Wanted the shade so parked there anyway.  Shoulda listened to my inner voice.  In and out of the store quick, got in the car and was backing out, after looking and looking and looking to make sure it was all clear.  All of a sudden:  crunch.  Yup, I bumped someone.  Pulled the car forward and got out.  Can't see a single thing on the car.  The woman who crunged me?   She was pulling forward out of a spot she'd backed into and just kept going, apparently not even looking to see that I was already backing out of my spot. She didn't stop.  Didn't look my way.  Didn't even slow her forward progress, just headed out to the street and was gone.  I was a wreck.  Was still trembling when we arrived home 25 minutes later.  Sigh.  I always think about the cost and complications of something going awry.  Wish I could stop that kind of "future" thinking.  (Is that the same as "borrowing trouble"?)

I think yellow roses are my favorite.  Two of these five were ready for the trash yesterday.  Instead, I cut off a good length of stem, plunked them in fresh water and this morning they were all happy and smiling. Glad I didn't give up on them.

I'm feeling a bit less stressed today.  Now that Robert's song is over and there's not that pressure I'm feeling better.  I think it went ok, he sounded good to me. I made a couple mistakes, though tried to not let them be obvious.  Only two people said anything to me about it.  Perhaps no one liked it.  As long, though, as Heavenly Father was accepting of our offering I'm good.  I don't really need (though it could be pleasant) the validation of other people.  I just want to bring the Spirit and please our Creator.  I hope that happened.  Not sure I'll ever know.

Grateful today for no damage to the car.  And no lasting damage to my heart.  😄 Grateful for cooler weather for a few days - 49 degrees when we left the house for our walk.  Grateful that they're coming in a while to paint the ceiling.  I'm nervous about this, but hopefully it'll go well and won't break the bank.  Grateful for food in the cupboards, recipes to use them with and hugs from loved ones.

It's Official...

...again.  I'm old.  Just had my 7*#@ birthday.  And frankly:  I don't feel any different.  Different from when I was in my 20's, 30's,40's - for sure.  But that's only the physical feeling different.  I do have aches and pains.  I have stenosis in my spine, arthritis in my hands, feet, back, neck, etc., a partial thickness tear of my rotator cuff, hair that is growing more white than brown on the daily basis (also hair that is thinning),  and well, it's painfully (haha) obvious that I'm no longer in those earlier decades.   

liked this

But, truly, I feel great.  I complain.  I try not to.  I hurt - a lot and a lot of the time.  But I feel mostly full of life still and ready to tackle the issues that plague me whether physical, mental, or spiritual.  It's good to still be alive and hoping for some fun sometime.

I told The Husband I didn't want any fuss for my birthday.  He mostly obliged.  Our daughter came into town the day before and treated us to a yummy (ate w-a-y too much) lunch and a wander around a little store. Received a rare phone call from our son, it was so
good to hear his voice.  And his 10 year old son, even called me on his own to say Happy Birthday.  Texts from our other son and his family.  Our daughter and grandson also treated me royally on the day.  I got to have my choice of Papa Murphy's pizza - hawaiian, which I know some people think is an abomination.  But I loved it. Leftover pizza will be so good.  Even was given wonderful gifts - though truly, I don't need a single thing.  Our daughters are extraordinarily generous, thoughtful and creative.  Those are such admirable qualities and I love that they have them in spades.

Received birthday cards from the dentist and one of the finance guys.  The ministering brother and his wife gave me a new apron which I used this morning.  😊  I love that people are so kind.  I generally feel so undeserving of anything from anyone.  

Today's goal:  to eat less sugar.  Birthdays somehow include a lot of that.  I don't do birthday cakes (completely dislike the frosting), I prefer pie and we finished it off yesterday.  So happy to share.  

We finally got the replacement window installed.  $341 and I felt lucky to have that done.  Next up is the ceiling.  Have an appointment for next week.  Then it'll be the fireplace and I think I've got a company that will work for that.  This stuff really needs to be done.  I just love the sense of accomplishment when things get crossed off the never-disappearing list of tasks.  

Headed out this morning for a walk.  We missed yesterday morning, up too late the night before.  It was a beautiful walk.  Upper 60's, thin sliver of moon watching over us through the clouds.   Was almost home when I saw this poor snake.  I dislike seeing things die, but it's hard to feel too bad about snakes.  They're not my favorite.

I'm so grateful for the kindness of people.  Physical expressions (gifts) of love are never expected but I have so enjoyed them this year.  I'm grateful for still being able to sit at the piano and make some sort of music.  Just saw an ad for a t-shirt that said "Never underestimate a woman who still plays piano in her seventies."  So fun, wouldn't wear one, but I thought it was cute. Mostly, though, I'm grateful for still being alive at this age.  Grateful for hope for a bit of fun that I'm thinking is just waiting for me to find it.  And grateful for the ability to fast on Fast Sunday with prayers in my heart for help that I can be a better person.

End Of The Week

It feels good to have the Saturday chores done:  the bathrooms cleaned, vacuumed the entire main floor, clean sheets on the bed, the sheets and towels washed, dried and put away.  The Husband is wonderful to help me with the vacuuming.  My back gives out about halfway through.  (Though I have added a couple core strengthening exercises to my morning routine - I only spend about 10 minutes doing them - and I think they have helped somewhat.  Consistency, right?)

The backflow inspection went fine once the guy finally, finally arrived.  I get all stressed and feeling quivery when stuff seems like it's going awry and I haven't any control.  Told The Husband this morning, I do my best to be prepared for whatever is coming (in this particular instance, being in the right lane as I drive so I'm not scrambling at the last minute to get in the proper lane to get where I'm going).  It's a personal approach that has been super beneficial all my life.  It isn't always possible to be completely prepared, but I do my best and find that for me it helps.

We've had some rain a couple times this week.  Was up in the night closing a couple windows (always trying to save money by not running the air conditioning at night if we can get by without it) because it was raining hard.  Then late morning today another drenching downpour!  We love it and are so grateful for every single drop that comes.

Had just enough money left on our Chick-Fil-A gift card for a meal today.  We shared one of the new chicken waffle sandwiches (loved it) and each (I struggle to share ice cream😆) had one of the new smores shakes - I didn't love that one quite as much.  Next up is to get another gift card to Chick-Fil-A.  I love having money on my app that pays for a meal, it always feels like a treat.

Found a penny the other day.  Probably too late in the day for good luck (find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck) but I picked it up anyway.

Stopped at Target the other night after our Hale play (which was a fine play, just not one we super liked for numerous reasons).  Bought two items.  Thought the price seemed high.  Checked the receipt before we left the check-out area.  The person before us had purchased gatorade.  They finished their transaction and left the area before the checker scanned our two items.  But...that danged gatorade showed up on our receipt.  Glad we checked and got a refund of that amount on our card immediately.  But seriously, how did that happen?  And how often does that happen to other people?  And does that mean those people ahead of us got their gatorade for free? 

Put on a pair of jeans the other day.  Haven't worn jeans in about a year.  Likely be nearly a year before I wear them again.  Just can't do the belt.  Decided that I'm a person that feels better with stretchy waistbands.  On the lookout for some nicer looking elastic waist (i.e. old lady) pants.

Piano practicing continues.  I'm on the organ the next three weeks.  Last Sunday also.  Substituted on the piano in R.S. last week, too.  And I'm working hard on the song that I'll accompany when Robert sings in a few weeks at church.  I'm slower to pick things up these days.  Harder to transition from 2 flats (I never learned my key signatures and figure I don't really need to learn them at this late date) to 5 sharps within the song than it used to be.  Though playing sharps has always been harder than playing flats for me.  No idea why.  Add in the painful back and arthritic hands and no ibuprofen and practicing sessions are shorter for me these days.  Though, frankly, I welcome the opportunity to practice something different than the hymns. 

Moon 

This morning's moon was stunning.  We tried to watch the eclipse the other night and caught a few minutes of the beginning.  But by the time we arrived home from the play, too many clouds had moved in and we couldn't see anything. But we tried.  I took several pictures of the moon flirting with the clouds this morning, this one turned out the best.  I was actually surprised that any of them were worth viewing. 

Today I'm grateful for completed chores.  Grateful for sweet women to chat with.  Took some peanut butter and ritz crackers to my friend in the rehab.  She'd asked her family for some peanut butter and crackers and they wouldn't take her any.  I didn't know why (personally thought it sort of unkind to not bring her something she's asked for) until I asked her and she said they just laughed and thought it was funny, couldn't take her seriously.  I told The Husband I'd just drop off the food and be out in a jiffy, but she needed to talk.  She was alone which surprised me.  I kept attempting to leave and then going back inside the room because she had just one more question, then one more thought, then again another thought.  And I remembered how it feels to be alone and lonely so I said a quick mental prayer that The Husband wouldn't mind waiting in the lobby a minute or two more.  Felt like I needed to just stick around a bit longer.

I'm grateful today for the chance to try again. And again. And again.  To be a better person.  To be kinder, gentler.  I know my frustration and anger don't come from any good place.  And I want to be in a good place and a good person and a good disciple of the Savior.  So I'll keep at it.  Maybe, eventually, my efforts will be good enough. Grateful for hope of forgiveness.