Just Stuff Going On

Sunday's sacrament meeting was hard for me. Mistakes were made.  Plenty of them.  A couple people were kind enough to say I did well, but those truly (yes, really, I'm not just saying that) felt just like an obligatory "good job!" comment.  I'm so relieved it's over.  I took a couple ibuprofen - been told they're off limits since we've started the statin.  Didn't care.  Knew I couldn't make it through the meeting with my ever-present, groan-inducing pain.  Relieved that meeting is over.

Monday it was off to lunch with our Bishop's Storehouse friends then to IMC to visit my friend that I minister to. We'd been to the hospital to see her on Friday and Saturday.  She still hadn't been out of bed yet so we've been very concerned.  Got to the hospital to find it swarming - yes, actually swarming - with law enforcement.  Some shooting at a funeral a few miles away had brought a couple victims to the hospital for treatment.  So many of their friends, etc. showed up (and with no one knowing who had guns and how many) the hospital was put on lockdown:  precautionary measures they said.  We hung around for a while but it was clear the lockdown was going to last for hours (and it did).  As we left we circled the hospital campus, counted 40+ police vehicles before stopping the count and still didn't count them all.  It was weird.  Everything calm outside except for the very alert police presence, weapons and all.  I was glad to finally arrive home.

And the long awaited follow-up with the cardiologist visit was this morning.  Bottom line:  we're really good.  I went in feeling rebellious.  When the nurse asked me to step on the scales, I just calmly said, "not today, thanks." Surprisingly she just said ok, didn't even shrug her shoulders or anything. My ready explanation didn't even matter.  She didn't care.  Ok, then.  I had already pretty much decided to see this particular visit (needed the information) through and then find a different dr.  

As it turns out, I'm ok with her.  If  I only have to see her like once a year.  At one point, trying to answer her question and being interrupted by her three times, I finally said, "I'd like to finish what I was saying".  Again, surprisingly she just nodded and waited for me to finish.  My take on that is that she's been called on this abruptness before.  I think my whole issue is that she is business and business only.  No chit chat, no pleasantries, no social niceties.  Just cold hard facts.

Pretty roses at Costco.

Anyway, she went over the test results thoroughly.  I think she expected our hearts to be in w-a-y worse shape.  They're not.  Especially considering our ages, my family genetics, our carrying more extra pounds than we'd like. She said we are doing really well, both of us. (First pleasant and kind thing I've heard her say.)  Continue to take the statin, get our blood panels done in three months to see what progress has been made and then we'll see where we are. Seemed like she was not expecting the results from both of us to be so similar. Twinners, I guess. No one else beside The Husband I'd rather be twinners with.  :^)  Hopefully most all the tests are done now - they have been horrendously expensive and not all the bills have come in yet. Information is nearly always beneficial.  Just despise how much it often costs.

Straight from the dr. to Costco.  We were out of so many basics, I walked away sort of down-at-heart at how much we spent.  I love the feeling of knowing we have supplies that we use and need.  Not loving the feeling of our shrinking funds.

Robert has invited me to play for him when he sings in Sacrament meeting in a few weeks.  Spent some time at the piano and discovered that I'm slower to learn music than in the past. It's been quite some time since my last foray into special musical numbers.  It shows.  I can only play for just a while before my back is so painful I can't play anymore.  I actually looked into a chair or stool with a back for pianists, etc.  Trouble is, I was taught to be an edge sitter.  Backs on chair don't work unless you sit fully on the chair and use the back rest. Won't be getting one of those chairs. Can't play unless I'm on the edge.

So, today, I'm very grateful that the heart news is about as good as it could be.  I'm grateful we could manage the costly Costco visit.  Grateful for something good to read if I can only find the time to do it. And grateful to be home for the day, something for dinner, embroidery to do tonight.  Hopefully next time I put my thoughts (that I want to remember) on here, I'll be less verbose.  It'll be a challenge.

Too Many Words

And I have too many words because today started out as a circus.  Truly.

Took a risk (rain predicted) and walked outside.  Rather walk outside in the morning than be on the treadmill.  Came home to a message on the security alarm panel that something was amiss.  Spent probably 40 minutes working with the alarm company - talking on the phone while using the app and simultaneously working the website on my computer.  W-A-Y more tech stuff than I have ever used all at once and am still astonished that I managed it.

At the same time, the guys came to fertilize the lawn - needing me at the front door for some input.  We also had two very quick power outages to complicate matters. The Husband trimmed the tree  branches that threaten the heads of every person coming up our front sidewalk in the midst of it all. 

And  also simultaneously, I was receiving constant texts on my phone.  My friend and the ward sister I minister to fell yesterday.  Broke her hip and several small fractures in her femur. Couldn't do surgery yesterday because she had already taken her blood thinner.  First thing this morning she was in surgery - now has a rod and a screw (as far as I've been told) in her leg.  She'll be in the hospital for several days and then off to rehab.  When you're 81 things take longer to heal and she already seems very fragile.  I was set to take her dinner today like usual on her cancer treatment day, but didn't turn out to be needed.  I so worry about her. 

So, between the alarm, the fertilizing, the power outage, the texts and all the things, I was a bit frazzled.  Alarm thing required a new password which needed me to make note of it in a secure place before I lost track of things.  It was 11 a.m. (been up since 5:30) before I managed to get my hair done and my clothes on.  I called the woman at the alarm company back and said that now the alarm was making this strange beeping noise, only to realize (while on the phone with her) that the beeping was the refrigerator telling me its power had been interrupted.  Sheesh.  Embarrassed.

But I got ready in time for our Thursday lunch with our friends.  I so love this association and am grateful every day for their kindness and willingness to spend time with us.

I'll include a many-times-cropped picture taken through the family room window of the squirrel providing its daily entertainment at the feeder.  Pretty soon it'll be time to get more seed cakes. 

Cute squirrel.

The fires are so scary.  But it's much cooler today and the humidity is higher, we had some rain overnight which always helps.  Those firefighters deserve a special spot in heaven, IMO.  

Sunday is the sacrament meeting that they call the "music testimony meeting".  Whoever in the congregation wants to, comes to the pulpit, tells why a certain hymn is meaningful to them and then we sing one verse together.  It can be and has been a very powerful meeting.  Music is a wonderful blessing.  I'm on the organ Sunday.  This particular kind of meeting is stressful and a lot of pressure for the organist and chorister (no way to know ahead of time what to practice) - something that no one seems to consider.  I hope I make it through with dignity and grace because I'm certain mistakes will be made.  Just hope I can cover them up well enough to make them less intrusive.

Today my most gratitude is for repentance. I have surely needed to avail myself of it the last little while.  I'm such a flawed and selfish person.  Our days the next while will include visits to the hospital and then the rehab place, I hope it isn't too far away, she'll need some visitors for sure.  

Restless

 Both of us - The Husband and me - are restless.  I try to get us out every day at least somewhere.  I run out of places / ideas pretty quick.  Neither one of us is big on shopping (I very much dislike spending $) and there's only so many places to go that aren't sweltering hot (it's August and we're in a heat dome) or a store of some kind.  Today's only outing was over to the car wash which took hardly any time at all.  The car feels better, but the both of us are still a bit restless.  

Over the last while, I've managed to get us to IKEA (cool inside for meandering around), Target (also cool and managed to only spend $13), Nuttall's fabrics (pretty much a waste of time - we are all still mourning the demise of JoAnn's) and Pine Needles (I felt like a kid in a candy store - wanted at least one of everything). One of these days it'll be the grocery.  Tomorrow will be the temple.  Thursdays are often lunch with our friends and Friday is another wide open day. 

I've books to read (and another two coming to me today) and towels to embroider, crocheting to do and a couple cross-stitch projects.  I remarked that I've never had so many unfinished projects, I've worked hard my whole life to finish one thing before starting another.  Frankly, it's just too hot to crochet with yarn in the summertime.  All of that means I do have plenty to occupy my time.  (And those are all just the luxury things I fit in around the household management.) Those are all pretty solitary pursuits.  Which leaves my sweet Husband on his own trying to find stuff to do.  The iPad and Play Station help.  But he, understandably, gets tired of those.  Road trips aren't really an option.  

Besides feeling a bit restless, I worry.  There's so much to be concerned about.  Little seems to be resolved as the days go on, little is under my control.  Lots to care about, figure out and fuss over.  I'm apparently good at only one thing - worry.  (I'm currently worrying about how much it's going to cost us for those nuclear stress/rest tests on our hearts. Don't exactly know how we'll pay for those.)

We continue our morning walks.  This morning's sighting was a deer and the fox.  I was
quite a distance from the fox, got a few pictures.  Cropped means the pictures are less clear than I like, but Mr. Fox wasn't letting me get  any closer. The hibiscus are among the few plants that are currently blooming - that heat thing again. 

Saturday we lunched out.  The Husband is still in the mode of eating out - that was our habit after our shift at the Bishop's Storehouse.  He always is trying to eat out so I don't have to fix so many meals.  I had a craving for a hamburger, we rarely have those.  So off we went.  I tried to not feel guilty or sinful (that heart thing, still waiting for the test results, consultation with the cardiologist isn't for weeks still).  I keep reminding myself that we're doing our best.  That's all that's required, right? So Five Guys it was.  I love their fresh fries and that fact that I can customize my burger.  All I had was a small burger and half (well, maybe I snarfed a bit more than my half) of the small fry order.  I was miserable the rest of the day and overnight.  I simply cannot eat as much as I used to.  

It's a good thing I really enjoy being at home.  I think I've caught up on lots of stuff lately.  Spent some time on the phone yesterday trying to get Cody to come give us a firm bid and precise measurement for the laundry room window replacement.  It's time.  Then it'll be the fireplace if I can find someone to do the work. After I get the ceiling paint fixed from the water mark then it'll be on to concentrated weeding-out, decluttering, getting-rid-of.  I try but my oomph for that sort of thing is gone by the time I'm done with the regular stuff. 

Today, I'm grateful for so much.  For the ability to still do things that are enjoyable.  I actually am still looking for at least a tiny bit of joy in every day.  I'm very grateful for our home and that it seems to be currently safe from all the fires that abound throughout the world.  My heart breaks for those who have lost homes.  I'm so grateful for the ability to cool our house, be comfortable.  And be able to pay for that comfort. I'm grateful for repentance.  I need it so much.  I really want to be a better person, work hard at it, sometimes my feistiness spills out in spite of my desire to control it and than I feel awful that I didn't behave better.  I'm grateful for omeprazole to settle my stomach. (Cardiologist lecture notwithstanding, I've been too miserable trying to do without it.  Her arena is the heart.  Leave my constantly unhappy stomach alone.) I'm even grateful for the new brushes to clean the toilets.  It's always a good day to be grateful.

Another Thursday

And we got to go to lunch with our friends.  I know Thursdays won't always contain some time with them, but when it does, I'm ever grateful for them.  Our world is very small, meals out with them makes it feel less so.

I'm working hard at being positive and not complaining.  But I think I will always complain about the heat.  This heat dome / heat wave or whatever you want to call it is exhausting.  I'm fearful (when am I not?) about the electricity (air conditioning) bill and the water bill. They remind us all the time to be careful with the water because of our ongoing drought.  We try.  But then they also tell us to be sure to keep the trees watered because the trees are so beneficial.  It's tough to know how much is the right amount.  So many people are replacing grass with rock (doesn't need watering or maintenance) but I'm loathe to do so. Rock absorbs and radiates so much heat in an already hot season.  And maybe that makes us need more air conditioning?  I don't have any answers.  Only know that I dislike summer, have always disliked summer and will probably always dislike summer because of the heat. 

We've had a quieter week.  My headaches are diminishing and the tylenol is helping somewhat with my back pain as long as I'm consistent in taking it.  We didn't make it to the temple yesterday, I'll try again next week.  But I have managed to make some progress on my embroidery and reading. Summer isn't really a good time for evening tv, which we grow accustomed to in the winter.  Thank heavens for Netflix.  I haven't the patience to sort through the thousands of offerings on Amazon.  

I'm admittedly besotted with our daughter's cat.  When our daughter and grandson are at work, the kitty will seek us out - not always to lap sit, but just often to perch near us.  She's a great comfort and peace-bringer.  

Rising moon

Our walk the other morning found us watching a couple foxes merrily cavort through the big field.  I tried and tried to take a picture, but they were far off, and when you zoom to get a good picture then try to crop it nothing comes out but fuzzies. We watched them for several minutes.  Made my heart happy to see them.  The Husband chatted with a man on his porch - told him we'd seen the foxes and the man said they come around there every week or so.  Such a delight to these city-dwellers.

The bird feeder has a new cake of seed and berries on it.  I warned The Husband that the squirrels would go through it pretty quick, they love that kind of thing.  Sure, enough, it took the squirrel no time at all to find it and have a good breakfast.  I suspect we'll be back at the bird center soon for a re-supply.

And I did purchase a Butterfinger.  Got a two-pack so I can share.  Apparently all that was necessary was that I have one in my possession.  Haven't yet eaten it and it's been days.  I'm savoring owning it until I can savor the taste.  I guess I'm big on anticipation.

Tuesday night, ten p.m.  The Husband says come, now.  So I grabbed my slip on shoes and headed out back.  The moon was just rising and it was stunning.  The picture makes it look brighter out than it was, it was actually pretty dark out.  But so beautiful.  And I was so happy The Husband shared it with me.  One of the few times I was happy he's in and out late at night checking on the world. 

Today I'm grateful for friends that don't ghost or ignore us.  For beautiful moon rises.  For wildlife around this town that reminds us of our Creator and the gift of beauty that surrounds us.  I'm grateful for good books to read (and an abundance to choose from), for kitties that make me feel important.  And, oh, yes:  I'm grateful for ice cream.  Trying to be careful how much / how often we have it, but rationalize that it's good for my bones. 😊