It's Official...

...again.  I'm old.  Just had my 7*#@ birthday.  And frankly:  I don't feel any different.  Different from when I was in my 20's, 30's,40's - for sure.  But that's only the physical feeling different.  I do have aches and pains.  I have stenosis in my spine, arthritis in my hands, feet, back, neck, etc., a partial thickness tear of my rotator cuff, hair that is growing more white than brown on the daily basis (also hair that is thinning),  and well, it's painfully (haha) obvious that I'm no longer in those earlier decades.   

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But, truly, I feel great.  I complain.  I try not to.  I hurt - a lot and a lot of the time.  But I feel mostly full of life still and ready to tackle the issues that plague me whether physical, mental, or spiritual.  It's good to still be alive and hoping for some fun sometime.

I told The Husband I didn't want any fuss for my birthday.  He mostly obliged.  Our daughter came into town the day before and treated us to a yummy (ate w-a-y too much) lunch and a wander around a little store. Received a rare phone call from our son, it was so
good to hear his voice.  And his 10 year old son, even called me on his own to say Happy Birthday.  Texts from our other son and his family.  Our daughter and grandson also treated me royally on the day.  I got to have my choice of Papa Murphy's pizza - hawaiian, which I know some people think is an abomination.  But I loved it. Leftover pizza will be so good.  Even was given wonderful gifts - though truly, I don't need a single thing.  Our daughters are extraordinarily generous, thoughtful and creative.  Those are such admirable qualities and I love that they have them in spades.

Received birthday cards from the dentist and one of the finance guys.  The ministering brother and his wife gave me a new apron which I used this morning.  😊  I love that people are so kind.  I generally feel so undeserving of anything from anyone.  

Today's goal:  to eat less sugar.  Birthdays somehow include a lot of that.  I don't do birthday cakes (completely dislike the frosting), I prefer pie and we finished it off yesterday.  So happy to share.  

We finally got the replacement window installed.  $341 and I felt lucky to have that done.  Next up is the ceiling.  Have an appointment for next week.  Then it'll be the fireplace and I think I've got a company that will work for that.  This stuff really needs to be done.  I just love the sense of accomplishment when things get crossed off the never-disappearing list of tasks.  

Headed out this morning for a walk.  We missed yesterday morning, up too late the night before.  It was a beautiful walk.  Upper 60's, thin sliver of moon watching over us through the clouds.   Was almost home when I saw this poor snake.  I dislike seeing things die, but it's hard to feel too bad about snakes.  They're not my favorite.

I'm so grateful for the kindness of people.  Physical expressions (gifts) of love are never expected but I have so enjoyed them this year.  I'm grateful for still being able to sit at the piano and make some sort of music.  Just saw an ad for a t-shirt that said "Never underestimate a woman who still plays piano in her seventies."  So fun, wouldn't wear one, but I thought it was cute. Mostly, though, I'm grateful for still being alive at this age.  Grateful for hope for a bit of fun that I'm thinking is just waiting for me to find it.  And grateful for the ability to fast on Fast Sunday with prayers in my heart for help that I can be a better person.

End Of The Week

It feels good to have the Saturday chores done:  the bathrooms cleaned, vacuumed the entire main floor, clean sheets on the bed, the sheets and towels washed, dried and put away.  The Husband is wonderful to help me with the vacuuming.  My back gives out about halfway through.  (Though I have added a couple core strengthening exercises to my morning routine - I only spend about 10 minutes doing them - and I think they have helped somewhat.  Consistency, right?)

The backflow inspection went fine once the guy finally, finally arrived.  I get all stressed and feeling quivery when stuff seems like it's going awry and I haven't any control.  Told The Husband this morning, I do my best to be prepared for whatever is coming (in this particular instance, being in the right lane as I drive so I'm not scrambling at the last minute to get in the proper lane to get where I'm going).  It's a personal approach that has been super beneficial all my life.  It isn't always possible to be completely prepared, but I do my best and find that for me it helps.

We've had some rain a couple times this week.  Was up in the night closing a couple windows (always trying to save money by not running the air conditioning at night if we can get by without it) because it was raining hard.  Then late morning today another drenching downpour!  We love it and are so grateful for every single drop that comes.

Had just enough money left on our Chick-Fil-A gift card for a meal today.  We shared one of the new chicken waffle sandwiches (loved it) and each (I struggle to share ice cream😆) had one of the new smores shakes - I didn't love that one quite as much.  Next up is to get another gift card to Chick-Fil-A.  I love having money on my app that pays for a meal, it always feels like a treat.

Found a penny the other day.  Probably too late in the day for good luck (find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck) but I picked it up anyway.

Stopped at Target the other night after our Hale play (which was a fine play, just not one we super liked for numerous reasons).  Bought two items.  Thought the price seemed high.  Checked the receipt before we left the check-out area.  The person before us had purchased gatorade.  They finished their transaction and left the area before the checker scanned our two items.  But...that danged gatorade showed up on our receipt.  Glad we checked and got a refund of that amount on our card immediately.  But seriously, how did that happen?  And how often does that happen to other people?  And does that mean those people ahead of us got their gatorade for free? 

Put on a pair of jeans the other day.  Haven't worn jeans in about a year.  Likely be nearly a year before I wear them again.  Just can't do the belt.  Decided that I'm a person that feels better with stretchy waistbands.  On the lookout for some nicer looking elastic waist (i.e. old lady) pants.

Piano practicing continues.  I'm on the organ the next three weeks.  Last Sunday also.  Substituted on the piano in R.S. last week, too.  And I'm working hard on the song that I'll accompany when Robert sings in a few weeks at church.  I'm slower to pick things up these days.  Harder to transition from 2 flats (I never learned my key signatures and figure I don't really need to learn them at this late date) to 5 sharps within the song than it used to be.  Though playing sharps has always been harder than playing flats for me.  No idea why.  Add in the painful back and arthritic hands and no ibuprofen and practicing sessions are shorter for me these days.  Though, frankly, I welcome the opportunity to practice something different than the hymns. 

Moon 

This morning's moon was stunning.  We tried to watch the eclipse the other night and caught a few minutes of the beginning.  But by the time we arrived home from the play, too many clouds had moved in and we couldn't see anything. But we tried.  I took several pictures of the moon flirting with the clouds this morning, this one turned out the best.  I was actually surprised that any of them were worth viewing. 

Today I'm grateful for completed chores.  Grateful for sweet women to chat with.  Took some peanut butter and ritz crackers to my friend in the rehab.  She'd asked her family for some peanut butter and crackers and they wouldn't take her any.  I didn't know why (personally thought it sort of unkind to not bring her something she's asked for) until I asked her and she said they just laughed and thought it was funny, couldn't take her seriously.  I told The Husband I'd just drop off the food and be out in a jiffy, but she needed to talk.  She was alone which surprised me.  I kept attempting to leave and then going back inside the room because she had just one more question, then one more thought, then again another thought.  And I remembered how it feels to be alone and lonely so I said a quick mental prayer that The Husband wouldn't mind waiting in the lobby a minute or two more.  Felt like I needed to just stick around a bit longer.

I'm grateful today for the chance to try again. And again. And again.  To be a better person.  To be kinder, gentler.  I know my frustration and anger don't come from any good place.  And I want to be in a good place and a good person and a good disciple of the Savior.  So I'll keep at it.  Maybe, eventually, my efforts will be good enough. Grateful for hope of forgiveness.

Another Week

Can I just say:  life is a challenge.  And I'm going to leave it at that.

We're at home today, apparently most all the day.  We have an appointment scheduled for the mandatory annual backflow preventer inspection. Our appointment time:  9:00 a.m. to dark thirty.  So we're here.  Sometimes I really like the need to be at home all day, somehow it feels like less pressure. But then I get antsy about having to be here.  I'm such a mess.

This will be a less busy week - I used to joke about the old "ladies who lunch".  Now I get it.  The food is never, ever the point.  It's the connection with friends. I had several of those connections last week and loved every minute.  It's so lovely to be included, which I am not usually.  

And our daughter's kitty?  I'm smitten. We have a sort-of, kind-of routine.  Well, she does, I am just along for her pleasure.  Mornings our daughter leaves for work, kitty comes up and sits on the chair between The Husband and me at the table.  I think she's really asleep, she's got her front paws all resting on her back paws, curled up on the chair pad, eyes closed (but ears cocked to hear us).  Until I finish up in the kitchen.  Then she's down and calling for me.  Usually waiting at the top of the stairs for me to give her loves.  (Such a chore! hahaha).  Then she follows me around, asking ever so politely for a treat.  Often I think she's aware she's already had one but is hoping I've forgotten so she'll get a second one.  When that little bit of business is done, she's waiting for me to sit down - which I almost never can do in the mornings - for some lap time.  Then eventually she'll settle in for another nap.  Lately the preferred spot is the dining chair.  I keep moving her actual bed hoping she'll sleep there but...no.  Perhaps it's still too hot. In any event, I find it absolutely impossible to get anywhere near her without telling her how precious she is and reaching out for a little chin scratch.  She never seems to mind.

How did I forget how much I love a house kitty?  She is super sweet - has never scratched or bitten or hissed or done any of the objectionable behaviors cats are known for.  Last evening we were in The Husband's office - she doesn't like to go in there for some reason.  Thought she'd gone downstairs, looked up to find her stationed on top of the chair back where she could see us, she has several of those spots around the house.  I love that she always wants to be within viewing location of us.  So grateful that she seems to like being around us.

And editorial comment here:  I've noticed more and more women wearing their hair parted either on the side or slightly off-center (even actresses and newscasters).  Hooray!! Center parts have never really looked good on anyone.  You have to have a symmetrical face for that and no one does.  I never understood why the center part, straight hair seemed to be so de rigeur.  Side or off-center part is universally flattering.  Yes, it is.  Of course, all opinions expressed here are mine and mine alone.  And I know somehow the younger generations (especially the millenials) have a kind of need to always follow the crowd and don't really understand individuality.  I suspect eventually they'll get there.  No one needs to look just like everyone else. Again, my opinion.  (As I read over this, it sounds a bit brutal and very opinionated.  I'm ok with that.  I try to always be kind, but this is my itty bitty personal corner of the world.  Can say what I want, right?)

I've been up and busy - went for a long-ish walk, saw a momma deer and her two spotted fawns, after breakfast and shower did the laundry, only a little bit left to fold and put away.  Vacuumed half the house - thank you, My Love, for vacuuming the other half.  You always do a much better, thorough job than I do.  All of that means that after lunch I can just relax a bit if I choose.  I'm in the midst of a pretty decent book, I've embroidery to do, could even do some weeding out of things to donate if I choose (though probably won't).  It'll be nice to have some quiet time.  If we're lucky and the backflow inspector comes sooner we'll run over and get tickets to see a movie tomorrow afternoon.  It'll be fun to do that, it's been a long time.

Today I'm so grateful for the rain we had overnight and the confidence in our good roof to know we were safe from leaks.  I'm grateful for plenty to enjoy during the forced afternoon at home.  Grateful for repentance, I came home grumpy from church yesterday and needed to repent of my attitude toward some ward members.  And grateful today for a morning hug.  Need them...always.

Just Stuff Going On

Sunday's sacrament meeting was hard for me. Mistakes were made.  Plenty of them.  A couple people were kind enough to say I did well, but those truly (yes, really, I'm not just saying that) felt just like an obligatory "good job!" comment.  I'm so relieved it's over.  I took a couple ibuprofen - been told they're off limits since we've started the statin.  Didn't care.  Knew I couldn't make it through the meeting with my ever-present, groan-inducing pain.  Relieved that meeting is over.

Monday it was off to lunch with our Bishop's Storehouse friends then to IMC to visit my friend that I minister to. We'd been to the hospital to see her on Friday and Saturday.  She still hadn't been out of bed yet so we've been very concerned.  Got to the hospital to find it swarming - yes, actually swarming - with law enforcement.  Some shooting at a funeral a few miles away had brought a couple victims to the hospital for treatment.  So many of their friends, etc. showed up (and with no one knowing who had guns and how many) the hospital was put on lockdown:  precautionary measures they said.  We hung around for a while but it was clear the lockdown was going to last for hours (and it did).  As we left we circled the hospital campus, counted 40+ police vehicles before stopping the count and still didn't count them all.  It was weird.  Everything calm outside except for the very alert police presence, weapons and all.  I was glad to finally arrive home.

And the long awaited follow-up with the cardiologist visit was this morning.  Bottom line:  we're really good.  I went in feeling rebellious.  When the nurse asked me to step on the scales, I just calmly said, "not today, thanks." Surprisingly she just said ok, didn't even shrug her shoulders or anything. My ready explanation didn't even matter.  She didn't care.  Ok, then.  I had already pretty much decided to see this particular visit (needed the information) through and then find a different dr.  

As it turns out, I'm ok with her.  If  I only have to see her like once a year.  At one point, trying to answer her question and being interrupted by her three times, I finally said, "I'd like to finish what I was saying".  Again, surprisingly she just nodded and waited for me to finish.  My take on that is that she's been called on this abruptness before.  I think my whole issue is that she is business and business only.  No chit chat, no pleasantries, no social niceties.  Just cold hard facts.

Pretty roses at Costco.

Anyway, she went over the test results thoroughly.  I think she expected our hearts to be in w-a-y worse shape.  They're not.  Especially considering our ages, my family genetics, our carrying more extra pounds than we'd like. She said we are doing really well, both of us. (First pleasant and kind thing I've heard her say.)  Continue to take the statin, get our blood panels done in three months to see what progress has been made and then we'll see where we are. Seemed like she was not expecting the results from both of us to be so similar. Twinners, I guess. No one else beside The Husband I'd rather be twinners with.  :^)  Hopefully most all the tests are done now - they have been horrendously expensive and not all the bills have come in yet. Information is nearly always beneficial.  Just despise how much it often costs.

Straight from the dr. to Costco.  We were out of so many basics, I walked away sort of down-at-heart at how much we spent.  I love the feeling of knowing we have supplies that we use and need.  Not loving the feeling of our shrinking funds.

Robert has invited me to play for him when he sings in Sacrament meeting in a few weeks.  Spent some time at the piano and discovered that I'm slower to learn music than in the past. It's been quite some time since my last foray into special musical numbers.  It shows.  I can only play for just a while before my back is so painful I can't play anymore.  I actually looked into a chair or stool with a back for pianists, etc.  Trouble is, I was taught to be an edge sitter.  Backs on chair don't work unless you sit fully on the chair and use the back rest. Won't be getting one of those chairs. Can't play unless I'm on the edge.

So, today, I'm very grateful that the heart news is about as good as it could be.  I'm grateful we could manage the costly Costco visit.  Grateful for something good to read if I can only find the time to do it. And grateful to be home for the day, something for dinner, embroidery to do tonight.  Hopefully next time I put my thoughts (that I want to remember) on here, I'll be less verbose.  It'll be a challenge.