Drained

And I have no pictures.  

Spent over an hour trying to get an appointment.  Everything is online only.  No appointment for three weeks which surprises me.  Am trying to decide if it's worth a phone call to see if by some small miracle something is available sooner.  Not sure I have the oomph.

Received a text.  From our lawn mower.   Made me so sad.  Made my stomach upset.  Apparently I was out of line telling him that once the sprinkler guy turns off the water to the grass for the season then there's no longer a need for mowing.  At least that was my take on things, figured the grass wouldn't really grow without regular watering.  Got quite the lecture - among other things about how I cut him off too early and mowing lawns is his livelihood.  Still don't know what to think about it.  We haven't ever had mowers before, haven't had a need, The Husband has always done all of the yard work, so this is kind of new territory to me.  Apparently I wasn't supportive of how he "does business".  Didn't ask, didn't know I needed to, he didn't say.  My reply was as pleasant as I could be.  But as the day has gone on I keep thinking:  doesn't he work for us?  Since I'm the "employer"  don't I have a say?  Sigh.

Then it was off to the dealership for the 30,000 mile service on the car.  I almost wish we hadn't gone.  $650 - for a nine year old car that really only has 28,000 miles on it. Feels like $650 down the drain.  Came away with instructions to save for rear brakes and new tires, they're both in the marginal category.  License renewal (again, online which for once was kinda-sorta-maybe-not-really convenient) another $175.  How do people live in this world with everything so expensive? 

And I'm feeling crummy.  Didn't take my omeprazole this morning, trying to not have it very often.  Shared a twisted churro at Costco (walked around the store while waiting for the car) so it was some sugar, then sipped The Husband's diet dr. pepper which I shouldn't have.  The caffeine just makes my stomach so miserable.  I'm all shaky, feeling broke and discouraged. 

On the bright side:  the car is set for another year.  (Next big mileage service on it is at 60K miles and costs - currently - about $850. At our current rate of roughly 3,000 miles / year that could be another 9 or ten years.  Who knows what'll happen, where we'll be when we are 84 years old.)  I can find another lawn mower if I want, though likely not for as cheap as he is.  I can try taking my omeprazole tomorrow and see if that helps me feel better, and sleep with the window closed so I don't wake up completely congested and unable to breathe.  And I can wait for three weeks for that appointment.  It isn't dire.  Just me trying to find someone better to help me out with something.  So, it could all be so way worse.  Read this the other day:  "don't forget the imagine the best case scenario, too."  Good thought for me.  

Tomorrow will definitely be better.  💛

Another Week Almost Finished

Friday again.  Sometimes the weeks seem to fly by and other times it feels like I'm just trying to walk through deep, deep thick mud.

Am I awful for skipping second hour of church on the rare occasion when I "just can't"?  Did it last Sunday, haven't felt a bit of remorse.  Would be mildly interested in hearing how it went, but only mildly.

Took dinner to our friend on her cancer treatment day. A new scan revealed reduction in size of tumors, some even went away completely.  WooHoo!!  I've got to figure out a way to make taking her weekly meals more affordable for me.  Also ran a birthday gift to a loved one with a birthday tomorrow.  This is a busy time - three important birthdays to remember this week alone.

Went with our friends for a bit of a road trip yesterday.  Drove through Wyoming and then down to Mirror Lake, took the more direct route home.  Such a delightful day.  We took sandwiches and had a quick picnic lunch before strolling the trail that circles the lake.  The weather was absolutely perfect.  The lake beautiful, it was just literally sparkling in the sunshine.  Not lots of people up there - though we did watch a man land the fish he caught.  Ate silly snack food all day long.  Then had leftovers for dinner at home, so not lots of work for me preparing.  A day to remember.  Good times. If they invite us again next year, it will be 3 years in a row.  Does that mean we're part of their tradition?  I hope so.  

My fellow organist brought me back a couple gifts from his trip to Japan.  This cute little doll and a very fun plant - succulents inside a pumpkin
gourd.  I asked him what happens if I kill it.  He was quick to say just toss it.  The instructions say it only is meant to last about 4-6 weeks anyway so I can rest assured that no matter what happens it's just fine. Never had a plant like this, I love the seasonal things that bring beauty.  I confess that most of the autumn colors aren't my favorite.  (i.e. orange, brown)

Had a texting conversation with someone.  Wished I had come across this article before the texting.  Might have been good to share with him.  Still, I'm glad that I found it anyway.  Reverse Bucket List I really like the thoughts expressed here.

Two good friends

I finally finished up the embroidery project I've been working on.  The last two evenings have found me immersed in my neglected-for-many-months cross stitch.  Am reminded when I pick it up again how much I love it.  

The guy is here tuning the piano -didn't need too much work, I don't think, it seems to have held the pitch and tuning pretty well, but then that seems to always be the case for me.  Next week it'll be the annual service on the car.  I'm pretty sure it'll mean new tires all around.  Sigh.  It feels like there's no end to the outgo of $$$ from our small funds. 

Today I'm struggling a bit to truly feel the gratitude that I want to feel.  I don't want to just be surface in any area of my life.  

I'm grateful for kind souls who will take the time to listen to me and help me feel valued.  Am grateful for the lovely piano that elevates my meager abilities.  Am grateful for this beautiful season - the yellow of the aspens makes my heart happier - and the easing of the oppressive heat makes my body feel better.  I'm grateful for something good to read, something good to eat, somewhere comfortable to live  - those aren't just flippantly listed small things, they are all very important things to me.  

Wish I Had A Picture -

 - of the sweet hug we saw a woman give her horse this morning.  We often walk that route and The Husband always greets all the horses there, there's about 4 in that particular area.  This morning The Husband greeted not only the horses, but the woman also.  She came over for a bit of a chat.  The horse is named Caesar - great, great grandson of Secretariat, so good bloodlines. Caesar was also a racehorse.  Anyway, we learned about her horse and a bit about herself.  She said this horse saved her, almost teared up (which made me struggle with the same tearing up). I told her I wish I'd had a picture of the way she hugged him and patted him and stroked him.  The look on her face was pure love.  😢

Last night we attended a benefit concert downtown SLC.  We didn't go for the "benefit" (fundraising) part, but for the music.  Live music is always very fun and my hope was that The Husband would really enjoy it.  (We truly need more "out of the box" non-routine activities, it's good for him.) I think he did.  I did, very much so.  Want to always remember this little tiny portion.  The singer has an 18 month old son.  Says he sings to him every night, while the little guy holds his Kermit the Frog, "The Rainbow Connection".  Sang it for us last night, after mentioning that he's never sung this song in public before and we were all captivated.  His eyes were closed as he finished off the song and you could just see him thinking of his precious son, was feeling all the feels.  I wondered how many of the audience noticed (as I did) the unobtrusive quick swipe of a single tear off his cheekbone.  He jumped immediately into a very upbeat and energetic song; in my opinion, though, "The Rainbow Connection" was truly the highlight. Very tender.

Were making our way down the baking aisle at the grocery.  I reached over and nabbed two bags (they're smaller now, remember?) of chocolate chips and heard a loud "load it up" from behind me.  Curious, I looked around and an older guy caught my eye and said, "that's not near enough".  Ha ha ha. We fellow chocolate chip lovers recognize each other.  Completely removed any guilt I might have felt about buying those chocolate chips and was even mildly tempted to grab another bag.

I've very often, throughout my life, felt pretty invisible.  More so since entering "old" age.  I've had the thought a couple times that perhaps the reason people talk to me  (like the horse woman this morning, the chocolate chip guy yesterday - it still happens often enough that I notice, especially since I'm not usually initiating conversation with anyone)  wherever I am is Heavenly Father's way of letting me know I'm not quite completely invisible.  Is that possible? 

Today I'm so grateful for the stars in the morning.  Our walks begin in darkness, it feeds my soul to watch the day arrive.  I'm grateful for benches along the way of our walks for The Husband to have a bit of a rest.  I'm grateful that we were able to attend the concert last night - tickets were buy one and get the second half off, another reason to be grateful, made it easier to justify that luxury.  I'm grateful for the kindness of strangers, and that someone feels comfortable enough around me (sometimes a complete stranger)  speak freely.  And I'm so grateful for my loved ones.  I might wish that things were better between us, but at least no one seems to actively dislike us and I consider that a blessing.  I'm grateful that we celebrated our 56th anniversary.  No one else I would rather journey through this life than The Husband.  I'm so grateful he's tolerant of my innumerable flaws and instead notices my (so far unfulfilled) potential.  💖

Just Lots Of Thoughts

So.  Where to begin?  Actually had the fireplace fixed.  Called a company and they came within a few days - I expected a long wait for service.  Interesting guy  that did the service - he's from Ukraine and we had a bit of a conversation.  There were several things wrong with the fireplace, several things mean several more increments of money outgo.  Learned that when the gas flame is blue and getting blue-er it means it is being oxygen deprived.  The culprit?  A piece of roofing shingle that managed to find its way into the vent pipe.  Since then things seem to be working well.  Though we aren't having the fireplace on just now - still too hot.  Is it obvious that I'm pretty done with summer and the heat?

While he was here I practiced the piano.  He was excited to show me a video he took of the fireplace burning with the piano music as the soundtrack.  I guess he enjoyed the music. 

These people that come work on things around the house?  They like to be paid with a check.  When I paid for the window, I didn't realize I wrote the very last check.  No idea where the order form ended up.  After quite a period of time online/on the phone with the credit union, I finally got some checks ordered - got the smallest number of checks possible.  They arrived quickly but oh, so wrong.  So many things.  I was going to try to just live with it, but decided that since I'd spent the money to have them done, they might as well be done properly.  Again, on the phone.  Nice young man who helped me, seemed to know his stuff.  Though he admitted that he'd never actually written a check, wouldn't really know how.  Sheesh, I'm feeling my age.  The new ones he ordered will arrive soon, fingers crossed.

Bought some new seed for the birds.  Watched a squirrel (think it's a fox squirrel) absolutely decimate a whole lot of the last seed cake we had out there.  Thought these feeders were squirrel resistant.  But the critter is determined, determined and determined.  At the store, the guy recommended the hot pepper seed cake. With only a bit of hesitation we bought some.  Watched the squirrel this morning head for the new seed. Was only there momentarily.  Leapt to the other feeder with the remaining non-peppery seed and did his best to finish it off.  While I ate breakfast I watched him visit the non-pepper seed a lot.  It appears the pepper seed is effective for this little squirrel.  Birds don't have the sensory receptors that mammals do so the birds don't mind the pepper.  So far, I think we have a winner. (The picture was taken through the window and cropped many many times, hence the blurriness.)

And finally: I had some serious trembling and heart racing yesterday.  Stopped at a store we rarely go to.  Pulled into a shady parking spot and remarked out loud that it might be tricky getting out of that particular spot because of the lot traffic.  Wanted the shade so parked there anyway.  Shoulda listened to my inner voice.  In and out of the store quick, got in the car and was backing out, after looking and looking and looking to make sure it was all clear.  All of a sudden:  crunch.  Yup, I bumped someone.  Pulled the car forward and got out.  Can't see a single thing on the car.  The woman who crunged me?   She was pulling forward out of a spot she'd backed into and just kept going, apparently not even looking to see that I was already backing out of my spot. She didn't stop.  Didn't look my way.  Didn't even slow her forward progress, just headed out to the street and was gone.  I was a wreck.  Was still trembling when we arrived home 25 minutes later.  Sigh.  I always think about the cost and complications of something going awry.  Wish I could stop that kind of "future" thinking.  (Is that the same as "borrowing trouble"?)

I think yellow roses are my favorite.  Two of these five were ready for the trash yesterday.  Instead, I cut off a good length of stem, plunked them in fresh water and this morning they were all happy and smiling. Glad I didn't give up on them.

I'm feeling a bit less stressed today.  Now that Robert's song is over and there's not that pressure I'm feeling better.  I think it went ok, he sounded good to me. I made a couple mistakes, though tried to not let them be obvious.  Only two people said anything to me about it.  Perhaps no one liked it.  As long, though, as Heavenly Father was accepting of our offering I'm good.  I don't really need (though it could be pleasant) the validation of other people.  I just want to bring the Spirit and please our Creator.  I hope that happened.  Not sure I'll ever know.

Grateful today for no damage to the car.  And no lasting damage to my heart.  😄 Grateful for cooler weather for a few days - 49 degrees when we left the house for our walk.  Grateful that they're coming in a while to paint the ceiling.  I'm nervous about this, but hopefully it'll go well and won't break the bank.  Grateful for food in the cupboards, recipes to use them with and hugs from loved ones.