Restless

 Both of us - The Husband and me - are restless.  I try to get us out every day at least somewhere.  I run out of places / ideas pretty quick.  Neither one of us is big on shopping (I very much dislike spending $) and there's only so many places to go that aren't sweltering hot (it's August and we're in a heat dome) or a store of some kind.  Today's only outing was over to the car wash which took hardly any time at all.  The car feels better, but the both of us are still a bit restless.  

Over the last while, I've managed to get us to IKEA (cool inside for meandering around), Target (also cool and managed to only spend $13), Nuttall's fabrics (pretty much a waste of time - we are all still mourning the demise of JoAnn's) and Pine Needles (I felt like a kid in a candy store - wanted at least one of everything). One of these days it'll be the grocery.  Tomorrow will be the temple.  Thursdays are often lunch with our friends and Friday is another wide open day. 

I've books to read (and another two coming to me today) and towels to embroider, crocheting to do and a couple cross-stitch projects.  I remarked that I've never had so many unfinished projects, I've worked hard my whole life to finish one thing before starting another.  Frankly, it's just too hot to crochet with yarn in the summertime.  All of that means I do have plenty to occupy my time.  (And those are all just the luxury things I fit in around the household management.) Those are all pretty solitary pursuits.  Which leaves my sweet Husband on his own trying to find stuff to do.  The iPad and Play Station help.  But he, understandably, gets tired of those.  Road trips aren't really an option.  

Besides feeling a bit restless, I worry.  There's so much to be concerned about.  Little seems to be resolved as the days go on, little is under my control.  Lots to care about, figure out and fuss over.  I'm apparently good at only one thing - worry.  (I'm currently worrying about how much it's going to cost us for those nuclear stress/rest tests on our hearts. Don't exactly know how we'll pay for those.)

We continue our morning walks.  This morning's sighting was a deer and the fox.  I was
quite a distance from the fox, got a few pictures.  Cropped means the pictures are less clear than I like, but Mr. Fox wasn't letting me get  any closer. The hibiscus are among the few plants that are currently blooming - that heat thing again. 

Saturday we lunched out.  The Husband is still in the mode of eating out - that was our habit after our shift at the Bishop's Storehouse.  He always is trying to eat out so I don't have to fix so many meals.  I had a craving for a hamburger, we rarely have those.  So off we went.  I tried to not feel guilty or sinful (that heart thing, still waiting for the test results, consultation with the cardiologist isn't for weeks still).  I keep reminding myself that we're doing our best.  That's all that's required, right? So Five Guys it was.  I love their fresh fries and that fact that I can customize my burger.  All I had was a small burger and half (well, maybe I snarfed a bit more than my half) of the small fry order.  I was miserable the rest of the day and overnight.  I simply cannot eat as much as I used to.  

It's a good thing I really enjoy being at home.  I think I've caught up on lots of stuff lately.  Spent some time on the phone yesterday trying to get Cody to come give us a firm bid and precise measurement for the laundry room window replacement.  It's time.  Then it'll be the fireplace if I can find someone to do the work. After I get the ceiling paint fixed from the water mark then it'll be on to concentrated weeding-out, decluttering, getting-rid-of.  I try but my oomph for that sort of thing is gone by the time I'm done with the regular stuff. 

Today, I'm grateful for so much.  For the ability to still do things that are enjoyable.  I actually am still looking for at least a tiny bit of joy in every day.  I'm very grateful for our home and that it seems to be currently safe from all the fires that abound throughout the world.  My heart breaks for those who have lost homes.  I'm so grateful for the ability to cool our house, be comfortable.  And be able to pay for that comfort. I'm grateful for repentance.  I need it so much.  I really want to be a better person, work hard at it, sometimes my feistiness spills out in spite of my desire to control it and than I feel awful that I didn't behave better.  I'm grateful for omeprazole to settle my stomach. (Cardiologist lecture notwithstanding, I've been too miserable trying to do without it.  Her arena is the heart.  Leave my constantly unhappy stomach alone.) I'm even grateful for the new brushes to clean the toilets.  It's always a good day to be grateful.

Another Thursday

And we got to go to lunch with our friends.  I know Thursdays won't always contain some time with them, but when it does, I'm ever grateful for them.  Our world is very small, meals out with them makes it feel less so.

I'm working hard at being positive and not complaining.  But I think I will always complain about the heat.  This heat dome / heat wave or whatever you want to call it is exhausting.  I'm fearful (when am I not?) about the electricity (air conditioning) bill and the water bill. They remind us all the time to be careful with the water because of our ongoing drought.  We try.  But then they also tell us to be sure to keep the trees watered because the trees are so beneficial.  It's tough to know how much is the right amount.  So many people are replacing grass with rock (doesn't need watering or maintenance) but I'm loathe to do so. Rock absorbs and radiates so much heat in an already hot season.  And maybe that makes us need more air conditioning?  I don't have any answers.  Only know that I dislike summer, have always disliked summer and will probably always dislike summer because of the heat. 

We've had a quieter week.  My headaches are diminishing and the tylenol is helping somewhat with my back pain as long as I'm consistent in taking it.  We didn't make it to the temple yesterday, I'll try again next week.  But I have managed to make some progress on my embroidery and reading. Summer isn't really a good time for evening tv, which we grow accustomed to in the winter.  Thank heavens for Netflix.  I haven't the patience to sort through the thousands of offerings on Amazon.  

I'm admittedly besotted with our daughter's cat.  When our daughter and grandson are at work, the kitty will seek us out - not always to lap sit, but just often to perch near us.  She's a great comfort and peace-bringer.  

Rising moon

Our walk the other morning found us watching a couple foxes merrily cavort through the big field.  I tried and tried to take a picture, but they were far off, and when you zoom to get a good picture then try to crop it nothing comes out but fuzzies. We watched them for several minutes.  Made my heart happy to see them.  The Husband chatted with a man on his porch - told him we'd seen the foxes and the man said they come around there every week or so.  Such a delight to these city-dwellers.

The bird feeder has a new cake of seed and berries on it.  I warned The Husband that the squirrels would go through it pretty quick, they love that kind of thing.  Sure, enough, it took the squirrel no time at all to find it and have a good breakfast.  I suspect we'll be back at the bird center soon for a re-supply.

And I did purchase a Butterfinger.  Got a two-pack so I can share.  Apparently all that was necessary was that I have one in my possession.  Haven't yet eaten it and it's been days.  I'm savoring owning it until I can savor the taste.  I guess I'm big on anticipation.

Tuesday night, ten p.m.  The Husband says come, now.  So I grabbed my slip on shoes and headed out back.  The moon was just rising and it was stunning.  The picture makes it look brighter out than it was, it was actually pretty dark out.  But so beautiful.  And I was so happy The Husband shared it with me.  One of the few times I was happy he's in and out late at night checking on the world. 

Today I'm grateful for friends that don't ghost or ignore us.  For beautiful moon rises.  For wildlife around this town that reminds us of our Creator and the gift of beauty that surrounds us.  I'm grateful for good books to read (and an abundance to choose from), for kitties that make me feel important.  And, oh, yes:  I'm grateful for ice cream.  Trying to be careful how much / how often we have it, but rationalize that it's good for my bones. 😊

So...

I told The Husband this morning I'm a mess (physically).  At least I feel like one.  I have felt better.  

Our nuclear stress/rest test the other day?  Made me feel worse for a while.  This morning was the first morning since then that I woke up without a headache.  The morning after the test, I picked something up off the floor - extreme dizziness ensued.  Seriously, fasting for so long and without water for so long and then the test itself, well, it took more out of me than I expected.  I actually spent that entire day just sitting because I hadn't the energy to even focus on my book.  I'm glad I'm just back to the normal pain (back, hands, knees - all that arthritis (and stenosis) stuff.  Tylenol is what is allowed now (not ibuprofen) and I'm having to tell myself all the time that it is helping.  Pep talk for sure. How The Husband weathers these kinds of things with such ease and aplomb is a mystery.

Still thinking about that awful waitress.  It is completely and totally wrong for the wait staff to take their tip before giving you your change back.  It wasn't her money until we gave it to her (and a tip is not a bill, obligation or demand, it is given by the customer).  She took what wasn't (yet) hers. Makes me kind of angry just thinking about the gutty behavior.

But this morning I felt well enough for a walk.  We left in 71 degrees which felt nice compared to what it's been.  (I'm mentally shuddering when I think about what our air conditioning and water bills are going to be.)  The sky was lovely.  And then we saw a momma deer and her two babies.  So fun!

We did a little field trip yesterday afternoon - something to fill the very long afternoons - over to IKEA and walked around.  Cool inside, non-tripping walkway, fun things to look at and we walked away with a box of cookies.  Win all around.

Today is July 24 - Pioneer Day.  The celebration of the day the pioneers came to settle this valley.  We didn't go to the parade.  Didn't even watch it on tv.  I'm fine avoiding the crowds.  I have a new-to-me dinner recipe to try on Sunday, a new cookie bar recipe to try (yup, going to do it even though we're supposed to avoid sweets) and that means a trip to the grocery tomorrow.  That will be plenty enough crowds for me. 

I'm grateful today for a decent movie to watch this afternoon, we both enjoyed it.  I'm grateful for a couple books to read - always will be my favorite.  Grateful for a sewing project to enjoy over the next while.  Grateful for the still functional clips on the broken attachments for the strap on my purse.  Not anxious to buy either a new strap or a new purse.  One attachment has been broken for over a year but now they're both kaput.  I'll continue to use it until the right replacement comes along. I'm really glad that we're able to stay at home and enjoy being here.  

And as I proof-read this I'm struck by how mundane our lives seem.  Or perhaps it is my reporting.  I've got to do better.

Thinking

I'm always thinking.  I probably am too much inside my head.  

So Sunday was the anniversary of our being sealed in the temple - 54 years.  I wasn't in the mood to be in our ward so I got tickets and we took Trax (does that count as not keeping the Sabbath holy?) downtown to see the Choir on Temple Square do their regular live Sunday morning broadcast.  Not sure we've ever done that before and I thoroughly enjoyed it.  They open the doors an hour early, and the audience sits through a dress rehearsal.  Then there's a fifteen minute pre-show, this one was hosted by Thurl Bailey all 6'11" of him.  He polled the audience and fully 50% were from out of state, and a bunch more were from out of the country.  It felt odd to not applaud between numbers but everyone was totally respectful of the rules.  I am so glad we did that.  Watching on tv doesn't even remotely compare to being there in person.  Nothing beats live music.  

Temple square is beautiful, always.  This hibiscus was only a random sample, not the largest blossom by any means, and so pretty. And the temple looks more normal without all the scaffolding surrounding it.  The black fencing around the temple itself is really pretty.  Some landscaping has occurred so the whole square looks better even though there's still construction fencing around a lot of it. 

This morning was our nuclear stress/rest test - as a result of our heart calcium test.  I nearly lost it when we arrived to check-in and were told our co-pay was $420.  Apiece.  (We'll be setting up a payment plan once the insurance company does its thing.) I could feel my stress level go through through the roof.  I started shaking, the intake woman asked me something - something about the dr. - who I'm still so hesitant about; I just feel so unseen from our one visit with her. Before I knew it, a couple tears had escaped to run down my cheeks and then I was completely embarrassed.  Felt even more upset because I was certain my blood pressure was going to be taken and it would be ugly.  Nearly two hours later when we left the hospital I felt a bit better.  The test wasn't too awful, though not my favorite.  I'm still a bit trembly and my head still aches - but then I went in with a fierce headache.  I'm not really prone to headaches until lately since we've been on the statin.  But fasting - especially with no water really does give me a bad headache.  They provided caffeinated drinks after because experience has proven that caffeine really helps the test-induced headache.  I could only manage about 1/3 of a can of Mtn. Dew.  But snarfed the Lorna Doones and Oreos quicker than I could think. 

We were both hungry (no breakfast) so we had a rare treat of a meal at Penny Ann's Cafe. I'm sure it was totally bad for us but at that point I didn't really care.  My waffle had bits of bacon in

the batter (they weren't as plentiful as I would have liked) and The Husband always loves their Banana Bread French Toast.  (I will never understand - and this is totally personal and without judgement - how anyone can like whipped cream.  Not my thing, feels like I'm just eating sugary fat.) If we go back to Penny Ann's- which I hope we will at some point, I think I'll refuse to have that particular waitress.  No.  She wasn't good.  

Saw a squirrel at the feeder yesterday evening, which made me happy.  We bought some attractant for the wasp trap.  They're invading the hummingbird feeder.  That surprises me because we're paying what feels like too much money for bug/insect/flying critter elimination.  But this will be an easy fix.  Going to make sure The Husband prepares it with gloves on, don't want that stuff on his hands. 

Last Thursday was our Hale tickets to Our Town.  We could have skipped that play and I would have been fine.  It's dialogue heavy, very sparse as to stage sets, and the message seems ill-conveyed IMO.  But it was a night out and that's always good for us.  We should probably be around people more than we are.  And I'd be good with that as long as it isn't at some medical facility / medical people.

I'm grateful today - very much so - that this dreaded test is over.  Whatever the results, we'll figure it out.  Since we haven't had any symptoms of heart issues (except for our elevated cholesterol) my hope is that the statin will be sufficient.  I was frankly, kind of mentally terrified about this test.  I'm so grateful that we made it through without a single issue.  The staff was so very kind.  They don't typically have two people in together (one person seemed quite surprised that both of us were in for the same test) and I think they actually enjoyed being busy swapping us back and forth - kept them busy and I think it went faster.  I'm always saying how grateful I am for our air conditioning, and I'm concerned about how much this is costing us, but I do wilt in the heat.  I sleep better with the windows closed when it's allergy season (from April through October).   We had some thunder and lightning overnight, made me grateful the windows were closed which meant I didn't have to get up and run around keeping the rain out. I'm grateful for a kind friend who reached out and said she was wishing us well before the test.  It's nice to feel like I matter if even only a little bit.