Thursday

I thought today was going to be a super-great day.  And maybe it's been pretty good.  I find I'm more easily overwhelmed these days, there just seems to be so much to take care of.

Ran down yesterday to Utah county to pick up our tax stuff.  I so enjoy working with this CPA and  so grateful to have found her through a friend's recommendation. I love that friends are willing to recommend people that they know and trust.  I dread the day this sweet tax preparer says she's going to retire. Then we'll be begging all around for another referral.

Also sent an online message to our doctor.  We both need to see a dermatologist.  Ours moved out of state.  It's taken me quite a while to find someone I think will work for us.  Insurance requires our dr. give us a referral.  Dr.'s office very promptly replied that a referral has been sent to the dermatologist.  I hope she accepts and we get in to see her before too long. It's nice that the dr.'s office got right on that. 

Woke up and decided to not walk this morning.  Had someone coming at 9 or so to give us a bid on replacing that darn broken blind (not enough time for a walk and get ready). We've spent quite a bit of time trying to get the manufacturer to fix the blind - without success. Anyway, he came, and worked pretty hard trying to fix it.  No such luck.  It's a bad blind. New one is required.  About double what I expected to pay and it isn't even going to be wood, it'll be faux wood.  Sigh.  And lesson learned, won't give that first blind company any more of our money.

Then, had an appointment with a company to come look at the broken window in the laundry room. They never showed.  Didn't respond to texts.  Back to work trying to find someone else.  First call:  "no, we don't do that, we only replace the whole window, you need to get someone to replace just the glass."  Had no idea that was even possible.  Called someone else.  He was less than interested, totally unhelpful.  Sent an online request to yet another company and "got the gold".  Within only a few minutes the company owner was on the phone, actually calling me.  We chatted for probably 20 minutes.  He answered all my questions, gave me a bid based on what he could tell over the phone.  And ended up reassuring me that it wasn't absolutely urgent to replace the broken glass right now.  I can save up.  Which I will.  And I will absolutely be calling him for the new glass.  That's someone who knows good customer service.

Bottom line is, I expected today to be productive and it kind of was, just not in the way I expected.  I dislike having to waste so much time waiting on someone, especially when eventually it is clear they aren't going to show up.  So it feels like doubly wasted time.  So, there again:  sigh.  I feel like I'm constantly playing "whack-a-mole".  Get one thing sort of handled and another several pop up all at once. There's still a lot involved with managing the household and trying to be a friend, minister to my assigned sister (I take her dinner every three weeks on her cancer treatment day which taxes my brain to come up with something I think she will like) and somehow find time to read or crochet or cross stitch.   

Was looking on my phone for a picture to put here, doesn't feel right to say things I want to remember without pictures to also jog my memory.  Seems like 90% of my phone pictures lately are of our daughter's kitty.  She's been such a welcome addition to the household.  And The Husband and I get the best of everything:  some of her attention and some of her affection, we get to give her food treats a couple times a week but don't have to worry about her food or litter box or the vet or really anything.  Our daughter does all the hard work and we get the fun.  What a luxury.

I'm grateful today for actually making progress on getting some things handled.  Grateful to mostly remember to try to have the Spirit of our Savior with me. Some days it's easier than others, but generally this week I have managed to take a deep breath, slow down, be more calm and try to speak more kindly and with less frustration.  Grateful to be able to see our our-of-town daughter tomorrow for a few hours, it's good of her to make such a long drive to see us.  Sunday is my off-week for the organ, for which I'm grateful.  Then I'm playing the following two weeks.  Fingers crossed my back will handle it.  And grateful for not having to pay any extra taxes this year.  What a relief.

Friday

Used to be that Friday was kind of a fun day, mostly in anticipation of Saturday which generally included a movie (there's absolutely nothing playing these days that is worth the high cost), a bit of a sleep-in (can't seem to sleep past 5:30 unless I'm ailing) and a nice change from the day-to-day routine.  Now the days just all seem to blur together. 

Today we went to Costco.  I try to not go very often, but that means when we do go my list is very long. Today's list was not only long but I eliminated a couple things just because they felt too expensive.  And we still spent w-a-y too much money.  (Though I did end up in the line of the checker I generally avoid because she has a habit of throwing my items down the checkstand.) I get a little nervous about how we'll continue to afford what we need - consequently we do very little "fun" spending.  It requires a bit of faith to traverse the course of life.

Hard to see some of the deer.

It can be daunting, this life we have. I can feel a bit alone.  I have wonderful daughters to help if I need.  The sons?  Not so much.  Extended family? Have none.  So it sometimes seems as though my "support system" is small-to-barely-there.  (Please don't think I undervalue my daughters, nothing could be further from the truth.) Told Heavenly Father recently that I would love to feel seen. Since then, I've had to say a couple prayers of gratitude.  One day a neighbor showed up with cookies.  She claimed that she likes to bake but can't eat everything because she has heart trouble and is very careful with stuff like that.  Yesterday we received a phone call from a neighbor/friend/fellow ward member.  "Have you eaten supper yet?  Great, I'll be over quickly with some soup."  It was truly the yummiest soup, he's a good cook.  There was also some garlic bread, a couple oranges and an apple.  Generosity towards us for no other reason than he wanted to.   Also, I had sent an email wondering if a music arranger that I like happened to have some cd's that we could play (we don't pay for anything "streaming" beyond Amazon Prime - we're old and are fine with our old cd player).  Happy to pay for them.  Nope, they said they were gifts.  Would I be willing to pay $5 to cover the shipping.  Of course!  Which I did when I finally received the invoice.  That musician could easily have ignored my email.  Instead I was not only treated kindly but generously.  

Then, the other morning, after having remarked that it's been quite some time since we've seen any of the urban deer around, we came across a group of 11 - seems like that's more than usual the number of deer.  One was so close to the fence between us that it felt like I could just reach out and stroke her nose.  Was nice to see.

A sweetheart.

And our daughter's cat?  She instantly won my heart.  Yup, totally besotted with her.  She doesn't spend a ton of time in our part of the house.  But last night was fun.  A late work night for our daughter.  The cat wandered in and around as she does.  Finally landed on the love seat beside me, then used me as a path to pad over and curl up on The Husband's lap.  He loved it.  She was there for a while then all of a sudden stood, stretched and came back, curled up on my lap (purring! yay!) and stayed there until she heard the garage door - meaning our daughter was home from work.  What is it about the bestowal of a cat's attention (maybe even their seeming affection) that calms and feeds your soul? At least that's my perspective. She's probably more therapeutic for me than for anyone else in our household.  

I'm working hard today to find more gratitude.  That often is the antidote to negative emotions.  I'm grateful for the snow we've had all day long.  I can actually see lots of blue sky between the clouds, so the storm has mostly moved out.  We need the moisture so much. I'm grateful for gifts of cookies, soup, and cd's which are representative of kindness and thoughtfulness and awareness of others.  I'm grateful for forgiveness.  The Husband surely has to do a lot of forgiving me.  And I'm grateful for the ability to try again, and again, and again to be a better person. 

Yay for Me!

Opened a drawer I haven't used in a while.  (Am currently trying to clean out drawers and toss all the extraneous "stuff" we somehow seem to acquire over time.) And there was my sweatshirt!  Was totally surprised and flummoxed.  Have no idea at all how that sweatshirt came to be in the drawer.  But so happy it was.  I've missed it.

And the birds have found the bird feeder out under the pine trees.  Not lots of them, yet.  But I'm fully confident there's a bird network going that will bring some more.  We've seen chickadees, and finches so far.  And that's only when we've been looking, we don't spend our days peering out the window.

Am grateful today to be able to lunch with our friends.  This is truly the highlight of our week.  Grateful for a trip to the temple yesterday.  For a little while I truly felt the peace I sorely need.  Didn't last very long once we left the temple but that's on me.  I've got to learn to control my emotions better. Grateful to see all the buds on the trees, the bulbs shooting their sprouts skyward and the lengthening of the days. I so love the spring.

I Need To Be Vacuuming....

 ...but decided to do this instead.

We haven't really had a winter.  It's been warm and we are in record (truly discouraging record) low snowfall for the winter and the season for snow is almost past.  Drought is a shoulder-slumping specter.  I liked having a smaller than usual home-heat bill through the winter.  But like I do with most everything:  I'm worried.  Worried about the availability of the water for the grass this summer, and for the plants.  The Husband wants to plant a few things in the gardens.  Will we have water?  Will the farmers have water for the crops that we need to feed everyone?  Yes, totally out of my control.  Worry will still happen.

The reason for those thoughts was our walk this morning.  Came across this little garden where there were tons of little crocus brightening the area. This was only one small patch.  Made me exclaim in delight.  I love the flowers that our Creator blessed us with.  

Blurry: it was snowing.

After a chat with our friend (she was talking about the bird feeders that we gave them years ago), I took The Husband on a small field trip.  To the bird food store.  We used to go there occasionally when we felt like we could spare the cash for the birds.  The Husband has always loved to feed the birds but it became quite expensive.  And then one year we had a couple rats in the yard scavenging the seed fallen on the ground.  That was the tipping point for me.  I cannot (and will not) abide the rats.  So we quit feeding the birds.  But we're trying again.  Bought a new feeder and put it out where we could see it.  Were warned that it would likely take several weeks for the birds to find the food. And we've since moved the feeder under the trees where it feels like the birds are more likely to find it sooner. Nothing so far, but it's only been three days.  Fingers crossed.

After a fruitless Amazon search for some pants to replace my no longer serviceable $13 pants from Sam's club we were off to Kohl's to see what we could find.  Found two pair! Yay! and Yay!  They fit right and actually have five useable pockets instead of only two on the back.  Also came away with this sweater.  I love it!  The color in person is a much lovelier blue.  I love the open weave, love that it came in petite so the sleeves aren't double the length they need to be.  Love getting something unexpectedly new.

And I've lost a hoodie.  One I bought at WalMart.  Inexpensive but warm and durable to wear all the time if I choose.  Black, basic and just right.  Can't imagine where, how or why it disappeared.  I'm frustrated.  :^)

Church is still a challenge.  It's hard to feel like there's even a space for me amongst all the really perfect (and yes, I know that's impossible - no one is really perfect, but these humans come pretty close) people there every Sunday.  The clothes, the trips, the extras - none of which we can afford.  And probably would not choose to spend our money that way.  But it's hard to not compare.  Particularly when there's so much boasting going on about the trips, the extras, the clothes. I definitely feel inferior.

Grateful this morning for chores that are almost done.  For a couple things to do this week to keep the afternoons from feeling like they last for years instead of only a few hours.  And grateful for a book to come home today from the library for me.