Friday

Used to be that Friday was kind of a fun day, mostly in anticipation of Saturday which generally included a movie (there's absolutely nothing playing these days that is worth the high cost), a bit of a sleep-in (can't seem to sleep past 5:30 unless I'm ailing) and a nice change from the day-to-day routine.  Now the days just all seem to blur together. 

Today we went to Costco.  I try to not go very often, but that means when we do go my list is very long. Today's list was not only long but I eliminated a couple things just because they felt too expensive.  And we still spent w-a-y too much money.  (Though I did end up in the line of the checker I generally avoid because she has a habit of throwing my items down the checkstand.) I get a little nervous about how we'll continue to afford what we need - consequently we do very little "fun" spending.  It requires a bit of faith to traverse the course of life.

Hard to see some of the deer.

It can be daunting, this life we have. I can feel a bit alone.  I have wonderful daughters to help if I need.  The sons?  Not so much.  Extended family? Have none.  So it sometimes seems as though my "support system" is small-to-barely-there.  (Please don't think I undervalue my daughters, nothing could be further from the truth.) Told Heavenly Father recently that I would love to feel seen. Since then, I've had to say a couple prayers of gratitude.  One day a neighbor showed up with cookies.  She claimed that she likes to bake but can't eat everything because she has heart trouble and is very careful with stuff like that.  Yesterday we received a phone call from a neighbor/friend/fellow ward member.  "Have you eaten supper yet?  Great, I'll be over quickly with some soup."  It was truly the yummiest soup, he's a good cook.  There was also some garlic bread, a couple oranges and an apple.  Generosity towards us for no other reason than he wanted to.   Also, I had sent an email wondering if a music arranger that I like happened to have some cd's that we could play (we don't pay for anything "streaming" beyond Amazon Prime - we're old and are fine with our old cd player).  Happy to pay for them.  Nope, they said they were gifts.  Would I be willing to pay $5 to cover the shipping.  Of course!  Which I did when I finally received the invoice.  That musician could easily have ignored my email.  Instead I was not only treated kindly but generously.  

Then, the other morning, after having remarked that it's been quite some time since we've seen any of the urban deer around, we came across a group of 11 - seems like that's more than usual the number of deer.  One was so close to the fence between us that it felt like I could just reach out and stroke her nose.  Was nice to see.

A sweetheart.

And our daughter's cat?  She instantly won my heart.  Yup, totally besotted with her.  She doesn't spend a ton of time in our part of the house.  But last night was fun.  A late work night for our daughter.  The cat wandered in and around as she does.  Finally landed on the love seat beside me, then used me as a path to pad over and curl up on The Husband's lap.  He loved it.  She was there for a while then all of a sudden stood, stretched and came back, curled up on my lap (purring! yay!) and stayed there until she heard the garage door - meaning our daughter was home from work.  What is it about the bestowal of a cat's attention (maybe even their seeming affection) that calms and feeds your soul? At least that's my perspective. She's probably more therapeutic for me than for anyone else in our household.  

I'm working hard today to find more gratitude.  That often is the antidote to negative emotions.  I'm grateful for the snow we've had all day long.  I can actually see lots of blue sky between the clouds, so the storm has mostly moved out.  We need the moisture so much. I'm grateful for gifts of cookies, soup, and cd's which are representative of kindness and thoughtfulness and awareness of others.  I'm grateful for forgiveness.  The Husband surely has to do a lot of forgiving me.  And I'm grateful for the ability to try again, and again, and again to be a better person. 

Yay for Me!

Opened a drawer I haven't used in a while.  (Am currently trying to clean out drawers and toss all the extraneous "stuff" we somehow seem to acquire over time.) And there was my sweatshirt!  Was totally surprised and flummoxed.  Have no idea at all how that sweatshirt came to be in the drawer.  But so happy it was.  I've missed it.

And the birds have found the bird feeder out under the pine trees.  Not lots of them, yet.  But I'm fully confident there's a bird network going that will bring some more.  We've seen chickadees, and finches so far.  And that's only when we've been looking, we don't spend our days peering out the window.

Am grateful today to be able to lunch with our friends.  This is truly the highlight of our week.  Grateful for a trip to the temple yesterday.  For a little while I truly felt the peace I sorely need.  Didn't last very long once we left the temple but that's on me.  I've got to learn to control my emotions better. Grateful to see all the buds on the trees, the bulbs shooting their sprouts skyward and the lengthening of the days. I so love the spring.

I Need To Be Vacuuming....

 ...but decided to do this instead.

We haven't really had a winter.  It's been warm and we are in record (truly discouraging record) low snowfall for the winter and the season for snow is almost past.  Drought is a shoulder-slumping specter.  I liked having a smaller than usual home-heat bill through the winter.  But like I do with most everything:  I'm worried.  Worried about the availability of the water for the grass this summer, and for the plants.  The Husband wants to plant a few things in the gardens.  Will we have water?  Will the farmers have water for the crops that we need to feed everyone?  Yes, totally out of my control.  Worry will still happen.

The reason for those thoughts was our walk this morning.  Came across this little garden where there were tons of little crocus brightening the area. This was only one small patch.  Made me exclaim in delight.  I love the flowers that our Creator blessed us with.  

Blurry: it was snowing.

After a chat with our friend (she was talking about the bird feeders that we gave them years ago), I took The Husband on a small field trip.  To the bird food store.  We used to go there occasionally when we felt like we could spare the cash for the birds.  The Husband has always loved to feed the birds but it became quite expensive.  And then one year we had a couple rats in the yard scavenging the seed fallen on the ground.  That was the tipping point for me.  I cannot (and will not) abide the rats.  So we quit feeding the birds.  But we're trying again.  Bought a new feeder and put it out where we could see it.  Were warned that it would likely take several weeks for the birds to find the food. And we've since moved the feeder under the trees where it feels like the birds are more likely to find it sooner. Nothing so far, but it's only been three days.  Fingers crossed.

After a fruitless Amazon search for some pants to replace my no longer serviceable $13 pants from Sam's club we were off to Kohl's to see what we could find.  Found two pair! Yay! and Yay!  They fit right and actually have five useable pockets instead of only two on the back.  Also came away with this sweater.  I love it!  The color in person is a much lovelier blue.  I love the open weave, love that it came in petite so the sleeves aren't double the length they need to be.  Love getting something unexpectedly new.

And I've lost a hoodie.  One I bought at WalMart.  Inexpensive but warm and durable to wear all the time if I choose.  Black, basic and just right.  Can't imagine where, how or why it disappeared.  I'm frustrated.  :^)

Church is still a challenge.  It's hard to feel like there's even a space for me amongst all the really perfect (and yes, I know that's impossible - no one is really perfect, but these humans come pretty close) people there every Sunday.  The clothes, the trips, the extras - none of which we can afford.  And probably would not choose to spend our money that way.  But it's hard to not compare.  Particularly when there's so much boasting going on about the trips, the extras, the clothes. I definitely feel inferior.

Grateful this morning for chores that are almost done.  For a couple things to do this week to keep the afternoons from feeling like they last for years instead of only a few hours.  And grateful for a book to come home today from the library for me.  

Old And Grumpy

Moon.

Was told this morning that I'm old and grumpy.  Totally true.  I try to not be grumpy, but that old thing is pretty much out of my control.  I'm not ready to leave this earth yet.  Still looking for a bit of fun. So I guess I'll just continue to age and continue to fight the grumps.  Only time will tell.  😊

We've finally had a change in the weather patterns and are receiving some needed moisture from the heavens.  The mountains are getting some snow.  We're getting rain.  Totally wonderful.  Yesterday morning I woke up expecting to do the treadmill.  Got all dressed, looked out the window and could see patches of bare sky between the clouds.  Checked the weather app and decided to risk a walk.  Got five minutes from home and was in some pretty strong rain.  Not coming home at that point.  Roughly half hour later and it was dry.  I loved it.  When the weather is like that there's rarely many people out so I've the trails and roads mostly to myself.  Lately I've been hearing the birds.  The sky is always an amazing and constantly changing vista.  I took probably a dozen photos of the crescent moon.  One of my best walks.

This morning it was a little drizzly but we still braved it and it was lovely again.  No people out walking, not lots of traffic.  So: nice.

Trees look so much better!

The tree trimmer was supposed to show up some time this morning, I had no clue when.  Sitting at breakfast - showered but not dressed and hair still not done - in he came, walked through the gate and got right to work. A couple more guys showed up and in just under two hours the trees were all trimmed.  The needles and debris all raked up and stowed in the truck bed and they were off.  (With a mis-written check that I had to re-do and rectify with our credit union.  Sheesh, I am definitely old!  Note to self:  don't have a conversation while trying to write a check.)  I wish I had taken a "before" picture.  The trees look great and I don't begrudge a single penny, though everything is so very expensive.  

Last night I sat down to crochet.  Ended up with a kitty on my lap.  The crocheting was maneuvered from beneath the kitty, who then decided to move elsewhere.  She doesn't care for being disturbed when she's finally settled.  I did manage to get some crochet in and some tv watched.  We're such a boring dull old couple: sit in front of the tv most every night.  I often think we need some more excitement in our lives but then am not really comfortable with the kind of excitement that comes.  It should be fun excitement not trouble-excitement. 

She owns any lap.  :^)

We did a Costco visit yesterday.  Hadn't been there in long enough that it seemed like everything was either new or moved around and the best part was we spent less than expected/hoped.  Lots of chocolate samples - yum! Came away with seasoned ribs to do for Valentine's Day.  Received a gift package of bunnies and chicks - the ones that are like circus peanuts which are one of my favorite (though extremely rare) indulgences.  A lovely surprise.

I'm thankful today for prayer.  I pray all the time in my head.  For people that are struggling.  For those I love.  For friends.  For a dismissal of the anger that rears its ugly head - I'm angry too much, mostly about unfulfilled hopes and dreams that will never happen because of circumstances that we have no control over.  I dislike being angry for any reason.  I pray for a bit of cheerfulness and for hope. Some days those prayers feel futile.  But I'll keep praying.  I want so much to have the Spirit of the Savior with me.