I'm Determined

I'm determined today to not feel so pushed and pressured.  So I'm taking a few minutes out to put some thoughts down.

Yay for new shoes!

Christmas was ok, though I confess I did tell The Husband I was glad it's over.  Some of the gifts we gave were just accepted like it was their due.  Others actually exhibited excitement and happiness, including gratitude.  Yeah, that was the better part. When we visited the kids in Utah County they greeted us at the door with smiles and welcome.  I love how that makes me feel.  (I do think it's important to greet guests at the door and make them a priority. )

Christmas Eve our doorbell rang and it was our new next door neighbors all dressed up like Mary and Joseph and the shepherds serenading us with "Away In A Manger".  Way Fun!

Gorgeous sunrise on the canyon.

The funeral plans are progressing.  I've practiced and practiced the one piece I consented to play for Friday's funeral.  And wouldn't you know it - last night received a call to play for a group number for Saturday's funeral.  I nearly wept.  And for the second time I had to say no.  There's no way.  We're feeding 70 people on Friday and 165 people on Saturday.  We've recruited tons of food help and a bunch of kitchen help, but really the responsibility falls on the shoulders of the R. S. president and me.  I can't do it all.  And people have no concept of the requirements of time and energy they're asking when they invite me to play the piano for something. It does take a toll, particularly when I'm already stretched.(But maybe there's a person or two who does understand - I haven't been asked this time to play the organ for the Saturday funeral.  It's a relief.)

From my new book.

And seriously?  That's the best part, the part I love the most - the music!!  It hurts my heart when I have to say no to anyone.  But when I have to say no to the part that I enjoy - well, it's doubly painful. 

I've been struck with gratitude at the generosity of those who give their time and their substance to serve others.  (And the bratty part of me can't help but notice those who never do - I'm going straight to Hades for my judgmental attitude.)  Several sisters in the ward have signed up to take food for both funerals, Friday AND Saturday.  And they're the ones who took food for the last funeral as well.  It's impressive.

This morning's walk was lovely.  It was about 40 degrees when I left.  I wore my new shoes for the first time and love them!!  The sun coming up on Little Cottonwood canyon is always to pretty, so full of hope.

Today I'm taking today for us.  I'm taking down the Christmas tree and who knows, I might even carve out half an hour to read.  I've had to top off the charge on my phone mid-day for the last few days as I get things organized.  And this time around I've got the R. S. president to help (last time she was out recovering from surgery.) She's actually doing the bulk of the food.  But I'll be there to do the work and likely will be the last one out of the building.

I am grateful today for those who serve.  For those who offer even though they don't really need to, for those who sacrifice to help another. I'm grateful for my morning walk.  For new shoes. For gloves and warm earmuffs.  I'm grateful for a lap-stand for my books and iPad - I've been constantly borrowing The Husband's which made it hard for him to use his own gift.  I'm grateful for music, for phones that help me manage stuff.  I'm grateful for those who act like they're happy I'm visiting them.  And I'm grateful for Heavenly Father's patience with me when I'm less than I ought to be.  (I've heard it said that if you do the right thing with the wrong attitude or for the wrong reason, then you diminish the worth of your doing.  Yes, this time it's me.  Last funeral was on our anniversary which we put aside to serve.  These funerals it's our precious time together between jobs for a bit of R&R for the both of us to share - it also is getting put aside.  My service is all for naught because of my grumpiness. )  So I guess I'm also grateful for repentance, I'm going to be doing a lot of it.