Mess Up

I played the piano for a ward baptism on Saturday and then substituted on the organ yesterday.  And have been beating myself up quite a bit since.

I practiced.  They're all fairly easy songs to play.  So I practiced and had them fairly well "nailed-down", I thought.

Got to the baptism and made tons of mistakes.  (Some of the people there are a tad intimidating to me.)  Anyway, I was embarrassed that I made so many mistakes on such easy songs.

And got to church yesterday and totally repeated the scenario.  I made more mistakes on the organ in one meeting than I've previously made in a month of Sundays.  And I was embarrassed again.  And felt even worse when the chorister told me it was nice to see that I'm human and not immune to messing up.  (I made mistakes twice on song introductions, which is pretty bad when you consider that there were only three hymns during the meeting.)  Yikes. 

Lovely vast expanse of clouds.

Then I read this article.  And immediately felt better.  Not that I'm rationalizing my mistakes or saying I don't need to practice or anything at all like that.  Only that I'm serving, I'm helping out - and really, quite happy to do so.  And perfection isn't necessarily part of the experience.  

Being Enough

I don't think I'll ever really be enough.  But I will keep trying.

Today I'm grateful that I weathered the weekend even with all the mistakes and didn't have a melt down.  I'm so grateful the rain has held off, that I was able to get in a walk this morning.  It was just wonderful out - windy, but not too cold, the morning sky got just a bare hint of coral and then the sun was behind / above the clouds which are always amazing to look at.  I'm grateful for "vitamin H" (hugs, often the perfect tonic).  Grateful that I can hold The Husband's hand pretty much any time I want, I'll never ever tire of that.  And grateful for good articles that expand my understanding and help me refine my thinking.