Life Is Crazy

Flowers soon!!

So, I had to make this blog private again.  For some reason that's hard for me.  I guess there's a part of me that likes to think someone, somewhere - maybe even far away - reads what I write here and finds some kind of value.  I have mentioned repeatedly that I don't really like friends to talk to me about my blog.  (It's just dumb to be this way, but whatever.)  I don't mind my family mentioning something about it.  They're not intrusive or pushy or judgmental.  Anyway, my mentioning that I don't like people to talk to me about it has been to no avail.  So, I had to go private again and that always reduces (yes, I'm totally silly about this dumb avenue of self expression) my enjoyment somewhat.  I no longer actively think about what I'd like to say here, or actively look for pictures to share.  And I dislike feeling this way.  All because someone isn't sensitive or kind.

I've learned a few things over the last while. 

1.  Apparently I didn't really know how to address an envelope.  Something I mailed came back to me.  Who knew (I certainly didn't) that everything is supposed to be written in block letters and the zip code is required to be on the same line as the city and state.  I'll bet several things I've mailed to people recently have ended up lost in the mists of the post office workings.

2.  Church can be hard.  No, that's not something new I've learned.  What I learned is that I have high expectations of my behavior and that I'm prone to disappoint myself.  Sigh...  A church calling isn't required for me to be a decent disciple of the Savior.  And if a particular calling isn't right for me, the only one who really knows that is:  me.  Would I be blessed if I went ahead and did it anyway?  Almost certainly.  Will I not be blessed because I choose to not do something that's wrong for me to attempt?  Who knows.  I want to have faith that Heavenly Father is kind and won't punish me (or withhold critical blessings) for the failings of others.

3. I truly dislike being told what to do.  I've been aware of this for quite some time but have recently found myself wanting to be openly rebellious when others unrighteously force (or try to force) their own will/thoughts/choices on me.  I guess I really need to grow up, right?

So, after much anguish and prayer and fasting, together The Husband and I decided that this "mission" wasn't right for us.  It was tough.  But so far, most people have been kind.  We've met some great people that would have been fun to work with.  But really, we should have taken some time when the Area Seventy came to our house and figured out what we should do before saying yes.  And I still believe that the person in the Stake Presidency who recommended us for the calling should have actually bounced the idea off us first.  All of the what-feels-to-us-like-a-big-kerfuffle could have been avoided.  I know their intentions were good.  But people need to feel valued and worth communicating with.   So it's been a somewhat stressful 6 weeks.  The Area Seventy has acknowledged our voicemail and email and wants to talk to us.  Hopefully he'll be kind as well and won't try to pressure us. 

From Monday morning.

It'll be hard to stick to my determination to avoid explanation.  I am not required to explain to anyone our reasons.  But people pry.  Sometimes it's because they care.  Sometimes because they're just nosy. 

Was on my way to class this morning.  Took a picture of a brand new (still had temporary plates on it) Lamborghini Urus.  Those things start at $207K.  Do I envy the car?  Not really.  I'm w-a-y too practical to want to spend that kind of money on something that's just a target for an accident.  I can't even imagine the cost of insurance on that vehicle.  But, yes, it was a cool looking car.

Monday morning's walk was so lovely.  I only saw a total of 5 pedestrians out and about.  That meant it was quiet.  My favorite kind of quiet, the early morning sun is just barely rising quiet.

And in spite of all the crazy-making things going on, I'm still grateful.  I'm grateful we don't have debt.  I'm grateful for yoga class that gets better all the time.  (Some lady asked me today how long I'd been doing yoga, because she said I looked really good at it, that my poses were great.  Seriously?  I'm the biggest klutz in the world with a frumpy shaped body.  Still (even though I find this woman kind of irritating) it was kind of her to say so.  I just wish she'd been quieter about it.😬)  I'm grateful for a play at Hale to attend tonight and for a dinner with friends tomorrow night and for an actual movie to see on Saturday afternoon.  We'll take our refillable popcorn bucket and just enjoy.  It'll be a luxury.