So, I've been in a kinda foul mood for basically several weeks now. This is what I'm thinking. For some reason way back in the beginning, I started mentioning in every blog post something I was grateful for. I think that was healthy for me. There's something about sending that gratitude out into the air/world that benefitted me in some way.
I truly believe that my making this blog private again negatively affected me. So, it's public again. And I hope it can stay that way. This is for me, it fills some spot in my soul that I can't really define or describe. And if making it public again means that my mood is improved by the ability to express myself in this forum, I'm willing to give it a try. I'd be grateful if there's no comments about being happy this little blog is public again, or how much someone might have missed it or there's no comments at all - that'd be the very best thing.
I have lots of reasons to be grateful. And if I can express them more freely here in a way that improves my demeanor then I want to do what I can. I prefer to be chipper and feeling good about life than grumpy and ornery. I don't want to be one of those mean old ladies. I try to ignore those who feel it necessary to talk to me about this little spot for my thoughts, but it just grates. Especially when I've begged and flat out asked to not be talked to about it. So for my own sake, I'm just going to give it another try.
This being Thanksgiving I've read numerous articles this morning about gratitude and giving thanks. Some I bookmarked to re-read. Some I wanted to share. All of them give me things to ponder. I have long been a proponent of being grateful and how it brings hope and joy. So, maybe I won't link to any of the articles. I think I'll just let it be known that I fully support the notion of daily gratitude, and daily gratitude expressed.
We got up early and headed out for a walk - a "Husband" walk (those that we have to drive to are labeled such). Had been walking along talking (it's still quite dark out at 6:30 a.m.) about how it's still the time to be able to see some shooting stars, the Leonids are visible until the first of December and how I wished I could see just one. Not two or three minutes later I was looking off and saw a really bright one. Just one. But one was enough. It felt almost like a micro-hug from the universe and I'm learning - still - to enjoy and love and welcome hugs. I'm better than I used to be. The Husband hoped to see some deer, this year we've seen w-a-y more deer out on our walks than ever before. He, unfortunately, didn't get his wish. Though it was the second walk in less than a week where we didn't cross paths with another soul, and that's something we enjoy. We love having the outdoors to ourselves just for a little space of time.
I spent some time yesterday working on dinner. I finally admitted it's just too much for me to do a breakfast (which we did to accommodate one family, we really want to see them) and a dinner in the same day. I'm just getting too old. So this year we decided to only do dinner and I can say it's been a relief. I'm trying a couple new recipes (sweet potato casserole, dressing from scratch (I even dried the bread cubes myself), and a "fizzy" jello recipe that actually looks like it might taste good). We've a daughter coming from out of town (in spite of a trip they had to make to the ER this morning for a family member), a son from Utah county and our daughter and son who live here. It'll be a lovely group and I'm so grateful they all are making the effort.
I've had some undefinable shift in my perspective about holidays. There's always so many expectations and hopes, which rarely are fulfilled. I'm trying to just be less stressed and welcome the chance to have some family around me. Those who choose to be here likely have no idea how important that is to me (in spite of all the work). It's all too easy to feel invisible and unwanted in today's world, and especially in this area.
I'm grateful that all three of my children who said they'd come today offered to bring something. What wonderful souls they all are. Thoughtful and generous. They must have gotten that from their Dad. 😍
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