Article

I'm not nearly as productive during the day as I'd like to be or as I should be.  Some days it just doesn't seem worth it to push myself to get stuff done.  I'd rather do some crocheting, or cross stitch or read.  And I do everything at a much slower pace than I used to.  It's that age thing knocking me around most every day.

Yesterday morning I woke up in a black mood.  I didn't want to go anywhere.  Much less church.  I wanted to stay at home and just veg.  Read, play my iPad, just be here at home with no pressure, no demands, no comparison and no feelings of inferiority. 

Then I read this article.  Learning from attending church  So, off I went.  Though there was never really any question but that I'd be there in church.  My form of rebellion was to sit in the back where no one would notice if I was there or not.  And even that tiny bit of rebellion was made moot because we had two missionaries speak, they're leaving soon on their mission, so the chapel and cultural hall was filled with friends and family all the way to the back.  Wouldn't have been able to sit in our usual "front and center" spot anyway.

Truly, I have a testimony.  And truly, my desire is to be obedient and committed to our Savior and His gospel.   But sometimes it is just plain hard. 

The daughter of a neighbor left this earth last week.  Seems like it's happening a lot lately.  Our friend who recently spoke at a funeral (friend of his) was spurred to make a renewed commitment to visit his out-of-town parents more often, it kind of hit him that since they're now in their 90's they likely won't be around for too much longer and he wants to spend time with them while he can.  You just never know what's around the corner.  And regrets are uncomfortable.  

I'm grateful for my two daughters and one son who reach out and make us feel relevant and cared for.  I imagine our other son will have some uncomfortable regrets after we're gone and he and his family recognize the loss of all those years when we could have had a great relationship but weren't really a choice of theirs.  I certainly wish it had been different, we definitely tried. 

I'm grateful today for a new chance to be a better person. I begin every day with a determination to do better, be kinder, more thoughtful, respectful of others and optimistic (which isn't even remotely my natural tendency).  I feel like I fail more often than I succeed. But perhaps my continued efforts will count for something.