More Thoughts

 Been thinking a lot lately about integrity.  What it means and where I find it amongst the people around me.  I even looked up the definition.  I notice when actions aren't in alignment with core values - mine included.  I've made so many mistakes in my life, where my actions weren't quite where my stated values/beliefs are.  I guess maybe (hopefully) I've still got some time to work on that.

Was thinking about that when I read this article.  Very tender. Savior's Love / Integrity  I would very much like to have known Sister Holland.  And I think I might look up those speeches referenced in the article.  I I could probably find some encouragement there.

Wandered out to the garden this morning for a minute.  We've pulled out the cucumbers.  What few cucumbers we had were so bitter we couldn't eat them.  They attract so very many gnats it was unpleasant to be there. So The Husband gave in to me and pulled them out.  This year is a weird year for our garden.  The tomatoes are going well, but that's about it.  I keep reminding myself that every year in the garden is a new experiment.  Sometimes it works fabulous and other times not so much.  I did count six very tiny watermelon.  We've not historically had great success with watermelon.  This picture is the largest one, only a couple inches long at most.  But I'll cross my fingers.  Sometimes I worry that the garden is getting to be too much to care for.  It's so strange to be so old, I'm not quite sure how to handle it.

I felt it yesterday.  It was a state holiday and we had invited our daughter and grandson to dinner.  I wanted to make it really nice. (I always want to make things nice (perfect?) for those around us.  Heard this morning that when you want to make things perfect that creates a horrendous burden for yourself.  I'm thinking about that.)  I made some potato salad (I'd forgotten how long it takes and I'm not that great a cook) and some mint-frosted brownies.  We ran up the hill and bought a watermelon, the smallest I could get them to give me that has seeds.  (I think the seeded watermelon taste better than the seedless.)  And even then it took a while to cut it up. In between I did all the laundry: washed, dried, folded, put away.  By the time lunch was over I was exhausted.  Sat down and played the iPad for a bit over an hour. (I get so disappointed in myself when I waste time like that - there's so much de-junking to do, or other productive stuff that could be beneficial.  Haven't yet conquered my need at times to just sit and relax/play games/read.) 

Anyway, the upshot was the sense that even five years ago it wouldn't have tired me out so much to do that stuff.  And got me questioning my ability to have a future family meal.  I think we generally do ok with our health.  But there's no doubt that our situation changes physically as we age.  We try to keep active both mentally and physically.  Aging is one thing we don't have a ton of control over.  It's actually kind of scary. 

I've remarked more than once lately how grateful I am for our air conditioning.  When it's around 100 degrees outside and the wind is blowing that hot air around, it feels like a luxury to keep our windows closed, the dirt outside and the cool inside.  I'm so grateful for the hope of kindness from people - for me and for those I love.