Thoughts Swirling

I've a few thoughts going round and round my head.  Perhaps if I put them down here, they'll quit bothering me.

From church today(none of these are direct quotes): • It's ok to be a disrupter - especially if that disrupting disrupts that evil adversary.

• The atonement isn't just for when you're failing, it's also when you're trying, and trying your hardest.  

• The "why" is because of Jesus Christ.

And the other day read something along these lines:  God can fix the ugly in your life.  We all have some ugly (at least I think we all do). Also - even when you feel broken, that is often where the Savior does His mightiest work - helping the "broken" to heal - to "become".  And often when things seem to be going very wrong, Satan is battering at you in an attempt to keep you from accomplishing good things, to get you discouraged and give in. 

We had a "celebrity" sing the special musical number in church (over 125K subscribers to her YouTube channel).  She's sung in our ward before, in fact, today she sang the very same song.  Didn't think it was any more appropriate today than the first time.  The accompanist had a more delicate touch than I've ever heard from her before which was a benefit.  I guess we're lucky to have such an educated, incredible pianist in our ward. 

Yummy cherries.

Yesterday's  Bishop's storehouse:  sort of busy, but sort of not busy.  The friday people had left the shelves feeling pretty empty, we stocked and stocked and re-stocked  (I personally emptied the bin with the empty boxes into the box crusher three times).  And continued to find stuff to do because we dislike sitting in a chair doing nothing.  There've been so many new people, people are even leaving early because there seems to be too many of us missionaries.  I think our days there at the storehouse are numbered.  (We're supposed to be doing our annual service missionary training, I'm thinking I might just not finish mine. If I don't finish it (The Husband doesn't even want to start it) maybe they'll say I have to finish or not do our shift.  Ok. Then we'll for sure be done.) A friend there gifted me a bag of cherries.  I haven't bought cherries for several years because of the high cost.  These were so very yummy, I told her they were extra tasty because of her generosity in gifting them to us.  There are a small handful of people at the storehouse I'll really miss.  But yesterday afternoon I received a text from one of them, she is also thinking of cutting back / quitting who mentioned that we should get together once a month for breakfast or lunch so we don't lose our precious connection.  She is very dear.

And a thought that keeps coming to my head.  I continue to compare (a total no-no) myself to others around us who appear to lead such perfect lives.  I know I shouldn't, but it's hard not to. So recently, my lifelong friend and I had been exchanging emails, catching up in the light way you do with someone you love but rarely see.  We always tell each other what keeps us busy in church, I mentioned I'll probably still be playing (or pretending to) the organ until the day I die.  She offhandedly said she'd always envied that about me - just a bit.  That was quite the shocker to me.  Someone actually envied / admired something about me / something that I do?  Even more shocking was the fact that I have never wanted to play the organ, it was forced on me by my mother. It is just astonishing to me that something that has mostly been a millstone around my neck is a thing someone else might wish to do.   

Casually said to a friend at church as I walked past:  cute skirt.  She stopped me and said thank you.  Because she couldn't figure out what to wear today and pulled this skirt out of the back of her closet, she hasn't worn it in probably 5 or 6 years, and the zipper gaps but she wore it anyway because her blouse covered the gap and that's just funny.  The conversation evolved into clothes and how old some are that we wear, the youngest one in the group said it doesn't matter because the styles all circle around to be fashionable again and my final comment was  I am old, no one pays any attention to me anyway.  We all laughed and went our way, but really, why are so many of us women so insecure about our looks?  Maybe because there is always that group who are perfectly put-together, who have unlimited funds to spend and never have to worry about their weight / middle-rolls / or anything.  I definitely feel flawed that way. That useless and often counter-productive comparison thing again.  

I've either got a cold, or the allergies are crazy.  I sneezed (and snuffled and blew my nose) non-stop yesterday.  Got up this morning and took a decongestant as a preventative measure.  Last night my teeth were aching at the roots which generally is a signal I've got a sinus infection and I don't have time for that right now.  We walked to and from church and as soon as we got home I started sneezing a little bit again.  So there's that to contend with.

So today.  Trying to feel some gratitude.  I'm grateful to have been at church and heard the talks from the two missionaries who begin their missions tomorrow.  They are fine young men who will represent themselves and the church well.  I'm grateful that the cortisone cream is lessening the itch of the bite on the back of my neck.  It's red and hard and annoying.  Hopefully it'll be gone soon.  I'm grateful for a daughter's birthday to celebrate this week.  I love all of our children.  Grateful that I made an effort to text our son before he left on his trip - even if my text was ignored as usual.  At least I tried. And I'm grateful to have a friend who reached out yesterday with a "just checking in" email to let me know she cares.  What a blessing.

And wow, this seems long.  I've been in my head quite a bit lately.  I pray every day for the ability to be more positive (I'm mostly a pessimist), less critical and more cheerful.  Some days I'm better at it than others.