Tuesday Already (And I'm Full Of Parenthetical Thoughts)

Some days I'm not sure where the time goes!  It feels like just earlier today that we headed to Leatherby's for that chocolate shake I've been craving.  It was, in actuality, Saturday. (It went too fast - I need another, if only I could afford the sugar / calories!)

And I'm ready to finish that nap I started Sunday afternoon (how I love the early church schedule!) after finishing up the latest Jeffrey Holland book (it was fabulous).

I have enjoyed the last two mornings on the trail.  Yesterday's was complete with drizzle (so grateful for my slicker).  Today's was filled with greetings from the robins and finches.  (Also a stunning view of the moonset that was impossible to capture with my phone camera, try though I did.)

I love the starkness of the leafless branches against the morning sky - the robins who sit like decorations in the trees.  It was a lovely way to meet the day.

I've been wrestling in my head.  My discouragement has been grappling with my determination.  Just when I think I've conquered my self-doubt, pinning down my thoughts of inadequacy, I get tossed out of the circle into the outskirts of hope.  Where, frankly, the environment is more pleasant.

It seems like there's just enough going on that I'm constantly questioning my abilities, my place (in the family / ward / world / universe), my life's mission and anything else I could question.  Leaving me tired and cranky.  My words have been a tad less than kind to the one who deserves all my kindness all the time.  And then I feel ashamed of myself.

I guess all of this is normal - the process of growing and learning throughout our lives.  But, seriously, why can't I just learn something once and be done with it?  (And remember to do things better the next time?)

I think I must have a case of the February blahs.  The month when we're caught doing what is dictated by others: car license renewals (including the accompanying inspections, etc.) meeting with our tax guy/friend so we can file our taxes (which means endless rounding up of documents that we thought we kept all together (or did we just intend to keep them together?) throughout the year so we could avoid this unpleasantness).

I think I'm just frustrated and out-of-sorts.  I want to be magic and just snap my fingers or wiggle my nose or nod my head and have things accomplished.

In spite of my off-kilter mood there are still things to be grateful for.  I am grateful for chocolate shakes.  They are as good for my head as they are for my mouth.  I'm grateful for inspiring words to carry me through the grumps.  I'm grateful for trips to look forward to (I'm thinking of going in to the office with The Husband when next he goes - a couple days in a different setting can do wonders for me.) I'm grateful for our lovely home and that we get to spend our days together here.  And I'm grateful for The Husband's never-ending determination to provide for us, for his patience.  I'm grateful for laughter. (And yes, at the moment I'm feeling much better, thanks.)