Round And Round

I think I've been thinking too much - the thoughts just keep circling.

• Crowded through the store's exit door this morning with a couple ladies, seemed nice enough, even exchanged smiles with them.  But as I'm walking to my car I hear one ask the other if they're going to - somewhere, I didn't hear where, and the other reply, sure enough, we've got "*#@*" to do.  I just cringed.  And immediately made a judgement about them (yes, I know I'm not supposed to do that) - wishing that they cared enough about the image they project to use appropriate and feminine language. Made me sad.

• On my walk was passed by a youngster heading to the middle school.  Pretty much as soon as he could see my face he was calling out a cheerful good morning and how are you. Never saw this little dude in my life. But he was certainly happy.  And how kind to spread his good will. I wished him an enjoyable day and he said, thank you, I hope you do, too.  Well mannered kid.  Good for him.

• Received a text from the new compassionate service leader asking me if I it was my car she'd seen over at the church where a funeral is taking place.  She wanted to make sure she was doing her calling. How relieved I am to not have that responsibility right now. (And no, it was from another ward, not ours.)

• Refused to take my blood pressure at the grocery. Just can't right now.

• Came home with the ingredients for some beef stew "a la" the Instant Pot.  It's an experiment.  I hope it succeeds.

Not fixable, 
• Kind of mourning the loss of my shoes.  I haven't recently worn them often, just always knew they were there:  comfortable, easy to walk in, ok looking.  Put them on Tuesday and thought the left one felt a bit loose.  Yup, there was a reason for that.  They've gone to trash heaven. And after 17+ years, it's probably time.

•Received a call yesterday afternoon, with the request for me to fill in on the organ in Sacrament meeting on Sunday, apparently there's been a scheduling kerfuffle. Sure, I said. And with obvious relief in her voice, she thanked me and said she sure loves me.  Nice to hear, and yes, I've done a smidgeon of practicing.

• Was treated to a mid-afternoon ice cream by my sweet friend. She's been on the receiving end of service for quite some time and now is anxious to give back.  We each thought we were serving the other, and frankly that's quite likely the case.

The Husband said I shoulda bought it.
We'd been talking about stress and my previous calling.  It's been clear to me that there are those who think I was released because I wasn't fulfilling the calling well enough.  And I confess, I've been wrestling with some guilt (though I didn't ask to be released) and it occupies my thoughts a bit, that I should have been able to handle it better.  And my dear friend, said to me not to worry, that she knew I'd always be involved in serving in some way or other.  And before I even knew what I was saying, I heard these words come from my mouth:  "I hope so."  I guess that's how you know you kinda mean something, when it comes out without conscious effort.  And it's true, I want to be found in the service of Heavenly Father, following the example of Jesus Christ.

I came across this quote today in the new Ensign, that I need to take heart in and remember.  As long as I do my best, wherever I serve, that's all that is necessary.  And I have always done that.

"We do not “step down” when we are released, and we do not “step up” when we are called. There is no “up or down” in the service of the Lord. There is only “forward or backward,” and that difference depends on how we accept and act upon our releases and our callings." --Dallin Oaks

So, I've got to let go of the guilt, the sense of inadequacy and continue to focus on reducing my stress levels, reducing the acid in my stomach and work on my desire to be healthy.  That's important enough for now.

I'm grateful today for kind people who reach out and lift me up by their very presence.  I'm grateful for those who take to heart the desire to be a disciple of Christ and whose behavior is evidence of that.  I'm grateful for many comforts in this life, our home, plenty to eat and clean, fresh, yummy water to drink.  And for the universe pretty-much-almost-always saving me the best parking spots.

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