A Bit Of Introspection

Yeah for clean and protected!

Saturday was the day to wash and wax the other car (sometimes known as "my" car).  It's really nice to have the car a bit more protected as we head into winter (and not soon enough for me, I so dislike the summer heat!).   The Husband is always good to do the hard stuff that I just plain don't want to do. (I do have a lazy streak.)

We also saw a fun movie:  Blinded By The Light.  Not having been a big Springsteen fan (yeah, I'm well aware, I often march to the not-popular-different drummer) it probably didn't mean as much to me as to other people, but I thought the movie was well done, I liked it.

And I've a birthday present coming!!  After the blister fiasco this summer, I decided I wanted to go back to my previously much liked walking shoes.  Sadly, the company has discontinued the shoe model that I preferred (it's unavailable in my size absolutely everywhere) so I wanted to just try on a couple other models to find which one I prefer so I can save up for my next pair.  Off to Scheel's we went, tried them on and frankly, I loved both the ones I tried on.  The Husband insisted on buying me a pair so I chose the cheaper (by only $10 - all the good shoes for walking/running/training are outrageously expensive) and they're patiently waiting (while I not so patiently wait) for my birthday.  It'll be fabulous. 

Only a few of the geese I saw.

This morning's walk was filled with the honks and calls of more geese than I've seen at one time.  They kept flying overhead through the fields that soon will be covered in houses and I'll miss seeing them on my daily meditation.

I know I'm a bit different.  In my thoughts, perspectives, values, standards.  I tend to be quite independent in my thinking.  And sometimes that feels hard.  I often feel looked down on, condescended to, dismissed and ignored. And yes, I know that how I react is my problem.  I've thought a lot about that lately, particularly as I listened yesterday to three 19 or 20 year olds talk about their trips and their hair care, their eyelash extensions and all that it costs them and how they don't seem to mind spending a couple hundred dollars on a haircut/color. While at the same time thinking of our daughter's coworker who lost her own daughter overnight Saturday to a freak accident that the coworker herself might not survive.

I don't have a master's degree, or a bachelor's degree or even ever had the privilege/luxury of attending college at all.  I have lots of failures chalked up to my life - parenting, relationships, and my weight among them.  It's hard to find equal amounts of success - though I consider it success to be aware of this beautiful world, to find gratitude in each day and to try to serve others and be less selfish (though this one is a constant process).  I remind myself continually that every person's path through this life is their own, no one's will be the same.

But I hope that the one thing that does shine through all the failures and discouragements and troubles, is that I've been dedicated in my quest to be a disciple of Christ, and to follow His teachings. I try to be aware that the only ones qualified, the only ones with the right and position to say "I'm proud of you" (for any reason) are our God and His Son. They are the ones I want to please.

I really hate to be a disappointment to anyone, particularly my family.  But I also try to remember that they are only human, they are not my judge and jury and they have their own problems to conquer.  It's tough.

I guess the bottom line is that I hope I have enough time left on this earth to improve.  To keep to the proper path, the one intended for me by the Almighty, to find some joy.  And to learn better still to keep my own counsel, to allow others their own mistakes and encourage them on their own journey.