Happy Birthday:

To our eldest son.  I can't believe how old our kids are getting.  We married young, had all our kids young and mostly still feel mentally young.  He's been a wonderful part of our family and we love him.

We've had so much going on my head is swirling.  Last week we spent forever on the phone with Google trying to sort out the double billing they're doing to us.  Yesterday got an email from our charge card telling us they are supporting the charge.  Sigh.  I was awake most of the night fussing over what to do.  Can't respond to the email, phone calls mean we have no record so snail mail it is.  That also takes a long time.

Since I slept only a little overnight I refused to get up and head downstairs to the elliptical.  I simply couldn't face it this morning.  It is a luxury to own but a poor substitute for my morning day-greeting walk-with-the-birds and sunrise and fresh air.  Though to be fair the air quality hasn't been quite good enough for that. (Today the air quality is at 99 - our bar is 100 so we likely wouldn't have walked anyway, dangnabit!) My foot has felt like it is improving.  Around the house when I'm not on it a lot or a lot all at once I do ok.  When I'm out or going to be on my foot a lot the boot is my constant accessory.  But I chafe at wearing it.  😖 It's cumbersome, annoying, bulky and noisy.  Again, it is a blessing to have especially when I'm trying to avoid surgery. But I just want things to be easy for a little bit.

I started a project.  Had to start over.  Then contemplated starting over again but my natural stubbornness reared its head and put a firm foot down.  Trying to figure out a work-around. It means spending a bit more cash which I'm loathe to do, but whatever. 

I've a pile of books to get to (and another waiting for me at the library) and of course there's always the pressure of "what to fix for dinner". 

Sunrise the other day.

We need another trip.  The one we want to take, for several reasons, is several times the cost of a cruise somewhere out in the wide world.  We have to decide if we're actually going to spend the money.  It meets lots of our criteria but the pundits are warning of an economic collapse.  Should we save the money and just sit around in our (lovely) home for endless days until we die?  Or should we just go for it and enjoy what little time we have left.  We both truly do need something to look forward to. Every morning I try to find something to fill our afternoons, they are very long especially for The Husband.  I'm pretty much out of ideas.  Trips are not only expensive, they are complicated.  We just don't know and decisions are hard.  Sometimes the decision whether or not to get out of bed in the morning is even too much for me.

And it is tax time.  Last year it took forever to get the required forms.  This year we switched financial guys so I think that makes things even worse.  Turning 73 and taking the required minimum distributions also add to the mix and we're  still trying to find out if the taxes were withheld from those distributions as we instructed.  

I'm also up for jury duty - selection of the jurors is next week.  I tried the Webex meeting (the one for first time users just to try)  without success so in a day or so I'll try again and give the help number a call if it doesn't work.  I'm beginning to be one of those old people who long for the simpler times of yesteryear. 

Bottom line is I feel a tad overwhelmed.  Under capable.  Lacking in hope, for many things.  And yup, a mite discouraged.  Today, though I'm grateful for another chance to try harder.  To conquer my anxieties and fears and anger.  I'm grateful for a project that I'm hoping I'll enjoy and will turn out better than my mediocre skills might indicate.  I'm grateful for something really good to read and for a bit of sunshine trying to get through the haze of our ugly air.  I'm counting on it shining on my soul as well.

Yes, Another Wednesday- Oh, Nevermind, It's Now Thursday

I started this yesterday, then had to save it for today.  It's probably a good thing.  I've re-thought (and re-written)  what was on here.  

I've thought a lot lately about life and life success.  Of course, we all know that just because someone is wealthy or powerful doesn't necessarily mean they are succeeding at life.  I've often thought that life success is more about qualities an individual possesses.  Kindness.  Thoughtfulness.  Selflessness. Spirituality (whatever the religion).  Consideration of others.  Just to name a few.

Today was one of those days I totally failed at succeeding in life.  

I'm already on edge/frustrated because of this dang foot that is non-stop troublesome.  The partial thickness tear in my rotator cuff that causes incessant pain.  And discouragement. It's been a mite challenging.

(Not to mention the neighborhood non-stop-barking dog.  Sigh.  And he's been at it again this morning.  Sigh...again. He stands out in their yard and just barks continually--at nothing!!)

We've had an ongoing issue with Google - the provider of our internet service.  They are trying to charge us twice for a nest device we bought (and paid for) back in April. Constant emails that our bill needs to be paid (we paid our regular monthly bill but balked at the extra second charge) or our internet will be interrupted feel threatening.

After roughly an hour and a half on the phone with an extraordinarily patient Google employee, he finally said they would remove that charge from our account.  By this time I had wept a bucket of frustration/anger/disappointed tears.  I know I don't handle stress very well.  I'm better than I used to be, but it is a long hard road for me to be calm and patient when I'm getting nowhere.  Now, it remains to be seen if all of this effort proves successful.  But at least there is a glimmer of hope. 

I've snapped at The Husband - which is never ok.  He is always more important than things/stuff.  I feel like groveling at his feet in sorrow because of my lack. But ever the successful-at-life person that he is, he just smiles and hugs me.   

Tried some hibiscus herbal tea.  I loved the scent. And the color.  And actually thoroughly enjoyed the taste.  I've been put off of herbal teas in the past because it always tasted like drinking grass - ugh. This was so fun. My preferred drink on a cold day is hot chocolate, but I'm reluctant to add that much unnecessary (is sugar ever really necessary?) sugar into my intake for the day.

So today:  I'm again (and every day it seems) grateful for repentance and the hope for full forgiveness.  I know true repentance means you determine to not repeat the offense.  And I try so hard. But will again repent and again and again until I can finally conquer those despicable parts of me. I'm grateful for our elliptical.  Since I'm in the boot (again) and it's been so very cold (not good for The Husband to walk in) outside in the early mornings, the elliptical has been a mental life saver for me.  I'm grateful that dang dog is finally either inside or tired of barking.  I'm grateful for a kind friend that reached out with an invitation to dinner even though we've company coming and aren't able to accept.  It's extraordinarily lovely to be invited, to be thought of, to be cared for. And I'm really grateful for a new day to try again to be a better disciple of our Savior.  I hope He never gives up on me.

Wednesday Already?

 For a couple old retired people it sure seems like there's stuff going on a lot.  I know that's a good thing for us (our circle of life is very small) but somehow it doesn't always feel - well maybe I'm just always hoping for more fun!

The storehouse on Saturday was steady busy - at least we kept ourselves busy.  Some of the people sit a lot when there's even a minute of "down" time but we don't.  That's probably why we're not part of the cliques there, we don't schmooze.  But that's fine.  Who knows how long we'll manage to keep doing this.

Pretty moon behind the clouds.

It's been cold in the morning when we've walked.  The other morning it was like 15 degrees.  When we walk, we bundle up and are grateful for warm clothes and those little handwarmers for The Husband, he struggles so to keep his hands warm at any given time. The full moon was so pretty I just had to try to capture it.  The picture turned out better than expected.

Monday we were off to dinner to celebrate our friend's birthday.  She chose Cheesecake Factory - somewhere we rarely go because it's so expensive.  My piece of cheesecake (absolutely plain with no toppings or fruit or anything) was $10!  Yikes! We had a rare-for-us gift card so I had no (well mostly none) guilt for getting cheesecake.  We shared an entree so there was enough on the gift card for dessert for the both of us.  And we were plenty full.

I had ordered a bracelet for my friend from a company I've never done business with.  It arrived the day after her birthday.  :(  But I guess that was ok, it meant we could stop it by last night and we had a lovely visit.  The bracelet, however, is a disappointment. The clasp is wonky.  It shouldn't be that hard. The overall quality is less than I'd hoped and I'm discouraged about it.  I'll be looking for a refund and a replacement.

My new pretty.

Last night the handle on the toilet failed.  First thing this morning The Husband was all about fixing it.  Required a replacement part.  Which required a trip to Lowe's.  The employee said they didn't have replacement handles.  I kept my mouth shut because I knew better, that particular handle has already been replaced.  So we plucked the right part off the shelf and detoured over to the plants on our way to the checkout.  I splurged and came home with a little African Violet.  Silly, I know.  I'm really not up to having one more thing to take care of (I say that a lot).  But I guess my need for some pretty in the dead of January over-rode that perspective.

So, today I'm grateful for repentance.  I am repenting on a daily basis.  Always wondering in the back of my mind if our Creator will get tired of me asking for forgiveness, wondering if I will ever get control of those things that are so hard for me to conquer.  I'm grateful for plants that bloom when everything outdoors is frozen.  Grateful for leftovers for dinner and for good books to read.  And grateful again for another day to try to be a better person.

Almost Time For Dinner

But I wanted to take a minute and get a couple things down.  I'm again surprised at how long I've been doing this little journal/blog of mine.  Can't even really remember why I began it, but somehow it's become an important way to remember things.

All Broken.

Several years ago I was given a little bamboo wind chime.  It surprised me how much I've enjoyed it.  I never know, with the person who gifted it to me, what to think.  Sometimes the gifts are things being re-gifted, sometimes they don't seem very well thought out.  Rarely are they labeled with my name so I'm sometimes unsure I'm the intended recipient.  Anyway, when I opened this one I wasn't sure what to think.  But we hung it.  And over the years I've loved it.  Eventually the cords deteriorated so much it required re-stringing.  The Husband patiently did that for me.  And it's hung outside keeping me aware of the wind with the fun tones of the bamboo.  

Finally the re-stringing came unstrung as the cords no longer had any integrity.  Between the wind and the rain/snow and beating summer sun, some of the pieces had fallen right off and were hidden in the yard.  I asked The Husband to, pretty please, re-string it?  Not really possible. We don't have the right cord. And don't really want to spend money buying another million yards of cord/string that we'll never use and will at some future date just toss in the garbage.

Amazon to the rescue.  (I maintain my love-hate relationship with that company.)  The day after ordering it appeared on our doorstep.  The Husband hung it up before I had a chance to take a picture.  And of course, today there's not even a breeze.  But I'm so glad to have a bamboo chime back up.  I know it won't last a super long time, but for $18 that's ok. 

This morning was our semi-annual dental visit.  I despise going to the dentist.  But I've finally got a dental technician that I can stand (I request her to always work on me)  and an actual dentist assigned to me rather than the "take whichever dentist is working today" round robin this particular office likes to do their business.  I much prefer consistency. (We had our same dentist for years but when he retired and his son took over it became more business oriented and less of a family-friendly place.  We just stayed and sometimes wonder why but it always feels like too much of a hassle to find someone new.)

Anyway, my teeth were x-rayed, cleaned, polished and pronounced just fine.  Same with The Husband.  What a relief to have that behind us.

Yesterday afternoon we drove over to Taylorsville for a session at the new temple there.  It was peaceful and lovely.  It is a very elegant and beautiful temple and we enjoyed being there.  

Prior to our afternoon we received a call from a ward member.  Could he stop by and bring us an apple fritter?  He was on his way home from the bakery (our favorite doughnut place which we rarely go to because a.  it's expensive and b. we try to not have that kind of stuff very often) and said he'd lost control and bought this ginormous fritter that he knew he was never going to eat.  Would we like it?  The Husband has been doing very well in his goal of dramatically reducing his sugar intake, but couldn't say no to such a kind and thoughtful gesture from Robert.  The fritter nearly escaped the edges of the large paper plate it came on, never seen such a large apple fritter in my life.  What little we've eaten has been tasty, but I'm wondering if we'll bother to eat any more of it. It's really the thought behind the gift that makes it taste good.

I'm grateful today for something to look forward to tomorrow.  For kind people who drop off a fritter under the pretext that they didn't really want it when I suspect they really bought it just to give to us.  I'm grateful for beautiful music that enriches my life.

New Goal and Dryer Fixed

Though we weren't quite sure the dryer was broken.  It's been an undercurrent of concern for me.  The dryer hasn't seemed to be drying quite right.  It often takes a couple hours to dry the towels, for example.  We are diligent about cleaning the lint trap with every load so it was a puzzlement to me that it was taking so long to dry the clothes.

Yesterday afternoon I was out helping The Husband with a final leaf clean-up of the yard.  (I was so happy he did it yesterday when the weather was good and before our overnight snow storm made the leaves all nasty wet.) Actually, he did all the work, I was just helping put away the tools.  Wandered over to the leaf bag by the dryer vent and noticed a whole bunch of lint bunched up at the opening.  Stuck my hand inside and came away with several bunches of dense lint.  (Which is scary - I think we all know that dryer lint is highly flammable.) After the dryer was pulled away from the wall and the exhaust hose disconnected, The Husband folded himself into that tiny space, stuck his hand through the pipe and got as much lint cleaned out as possible.  Thankfully the dryer vents directly outside so the pipe isn't very long. Today was the test.  The towels (and these were our thicker towels) were dry in one sensor cycle - roughly 80 minutes.  I was amazed that enough lint had collected, blocked the air enough, to cause the dryer to work way too hard.  So grateful our few minutes of effort yielded measurable results.

Was excited today to wear my new shoes to the Storehouse. I've worn them out and about a lot this week making sure they'd do well for today.  Yesterday on our walk I sat down on the curb for a few minutes and torqued my foot getting back upright. (And yes, it feels like the dang foot will never be fully well again.  For every healing bit forward it feels like I go backward again nearly the same amount.)  But socks make a difference and today I apparently wore the wrong socks.  I came home limping and anxious to get out of those shoes.  After some time back in my Birkenstock house shoes my foot is a bit better.  I'm a tad weary of my lifelong feet issues.

And why did the cow cross the street twice?  Because he didn't want to be a chicken.  hahahaha.  A friend of mine at the Storehouse is always trading these riddles with me.  I laughed out loud at this one. And yes, sometimes my sense of humor is very juvenile.  I'm just fine with that.

I liked this bit I read:  Embrace progress over perfection. Celebrate small wins.   I'm going to try that.  We all know perfection is impossible.  I want to be able to measure progress in whatever I endeavor.  Including but not limited to our efforts to reduce the sugar in our diet.  I try really hard to not have much added sugar and prefer to get my "sweet" from natural sources like fruits.  The Husband is anxious and so far determined to make progress on eliminating as much sugar as possible.  It's hard in today's culture.  We can do better together.

I'm so grateful today for a kind person at the Storehouse who gave me an initial decorated tote bag.  I never expect gifts from anyone.  And today I received two from people who are immeasurably dear to me. I'm grateful to have had ten days of peace and quiet, free from bright lights shining in our bedroom windows at all hours of the night.  I remain grateful to have new furnaces to keep our home warm and a good roof keeping us snug and dry.  And now I'm beyond grateful to have a whole new set of books to read. 💖

Extraordinary Gift

Walked into the kitchen to find this stack of books, complete with ribbon. Couldn't (and still can't) begin to find the words to express my surprise, elation and gratitude. 

 I rarely buy books.  I love books, have always been a voracious reader.  Books are expensive.  Let's face it - too few of them are worth the money and storage space to own. 

But...there's a new-ish series I've become quite enamored of.  All the readers I know are a'twitter about the books.  There's a long queue of reserves for them at the library.  They are clean and fun and peopled with characters you long to sit and chat with. 

For Christmas, The Husband gave me a gift card to Amazon.  It would enable me to buy, perhaps, the first three volumes.  (Number 8 was just released early December.)  Have been savoring the gift card, knowing I can get at least a couple of the books.

Was asked if I had anything to do this afternoon - there's a whole stack of fresh books to dive into.  I will wait.  I will admire them before untying the ribbon and starting anew with volume one.  I so love having something to look forward to, especially something as lovely and wonderful as some new books.  😍

Another Year Gone, Another to Face With Hope

Wasn't awake to ring in the new year.  Those times are past us.  I was grateful to be able to sleep through the noise outside, though our neighborhood is generally fairly quiet and calm, especially when certain neighbors are out of town.  

Happy Jan. 1,  7:30 a.m.

We were, however, awake early.  Drove over to the Jordan River Trail for a morning walk.  We thought we'd have the trail (we walk north, across the bridge then south on the west side of the river) to ourselves.  Nope.  Several other early-morning individuals were out.  It was peaceful.  We even saw a couple (or three?)  otters or beavers or whatever they were swimming in the cold river.  There is still something about being outside to watch a fresh day arrive that feeds my soul like nothing else can.

That particular trail can be rife with mosquitoes in the summer.  And very cold when it's higher humidity out.  This morning it was a stiff wind.  I thought aloud that I'd rather have the wind than the stagnant air that has historically plagued our area in January.  I'm still warming up after being out in the cold and wind, even after a warm shower.  So grateful for our comfy home.

Read several articles this week that have stuck in my mind. Meg Walter is often very thought provoking.  Tough Year  We know death is inevitable.  Doesn't make it any easier for those of us affected - and everyone will be at some point.

And I thoroughly loved this one from this morning.  Do This Instead Of Resolutions  I totally agree (and have already incorporated several of these ideas over the last couple decades). The thing that really spoke to me from this article was to have a word for the year.  I think I might try that one.  And I already know the word I'll use.  

I've wondered several times over the last few days what 2025 will bring for us.  2024 was a bit unexpected, but then what year in life isn't?  We never know what's in store for us.  We only have to hope that we will find the joy in every day - I'm convinced there is at least a tiny bit of joy in each day.  We can hope to meet every challenge with grace and dignity.  We can hope for peace and contentment in our hearts, that we can then share with those we love.  We can hope for enough financial security to be independent. And we can hope to find the best in those people around us. 

After all that, one might think that hope would be my word for the year.  But no.  I think hope has actually been my underlying "face the world philosophy" for many years already.  I'm grateful today to be able to face the year with a certain amount (though small) of optimism.  I'm grateful for decent health, little chronic issues notwithstanding.  I'm grateful for my new shoes.  Too much money but absolutely worth the improvement in my foot pain and ability to walk and stand. I'm grateful that today there will be some sunshine - even if only a little.  And I'm grateful for those loved ones who enrich my life.