Happy Birthday:

To our eldest son.  I can't believe how old our kids are getting.  We married young, had all our kids young and mostly still feel mentally young.  He's been a wonderful part of our family and we love him.

We've had so much going on my head is swirling.  Last week we spent forever on the phone with Google trying to sort out the double billing they're doing to us.  Yesterday got an email from our charge card telling us they are supporting the charge.  Sigh.  I was awake most of the night fussing over what to do.  Can't respond to the email, phone calls mean we have no record so snail mail it is.  That also takes a long time.

Since I slept only a little overnight I refused to get up and head downstairs to the elliptical.  I simply couldn't face it this morning.  It is a luxury to own but a poor substitute for my morning day-greeting walk-with-the-birds and sunrise and fresh air.  Though to be fair the air quality hasn't been quite good enough for that. (Today the air quality is at 99 - our bar is 100 so we likely wouldn't have walked anyway, dangnabit!) My foot has felt like it is improving.  Around the house when I'm not on it a lot or a lot all at once I do ok.  When I'm out or going to be on my foot a lot the boot is my constant accessory.  But I chafe at wearing it.  😖 It's cumbersome, annoying, bulky and noisy.  Again, it is a blessing to have especially when I'm trying to avoid surgery. But I just want things to be easy for a little bit.

I started a project.  Had to start over.  Then contemplated starting over again but my natural stubbornness reared its head and put a firm foot down.  Trying to figure out a work-around. It means spending a bit more cash which I'm loathe to do, but whatever. 

I've a pile of books to get to (and another waiting for me at the library) and of course there's always the pressure of "what to fix for dinner". 

Sunrise the other day.

We need another trip.  The one we want to take, for several reasons, is several times the cost of a cruise somewhere out in the wide world.  We have to decide if we're actually going to spend the money.  It meets lots of our criteria but the pundits are warning of an economic collapse.  Should we save the money and just sit around in our (lovely) home for endless days until we die?  Or should we just go for it and enjoy what little time we have left.  We both truly do need something to look forward to. Every morning I try to find something to fill our afternoons, they are very long especially for The Husband.  I'm pretty much out of ideas.  Trips are not only expensive, they are complicated.  We just don't know and decisions are hard.  Sometimes the decision whether or not to get out of bed in the morning is even too much for me.

And it is tax time.  Last year it took forever to get the required forms.  This year we switched financial guys so I think that makes things even worse.  Turning 73 and taking the required minimum distributions also add to the mix and we're  still trying to find out if the taxes were withheld from those distributions as we instructed.  

I'm also up for jury duty - selection of the jurors is next week.  I tried the Webex meeting (the one for first time users just to try)  without success so in a day or so I'll try again and give the help number a call if it doesn't work.  I'm beginning to be one of those old people who long for the simpler times of yesteryear. 

Bottom line is I feel a tad overwhelmed.  Under capable.  Lacking in hope, for many things.  And yup, a mite discouraged.  Today, though I'm grateful for another chance to try harder.  To conquer my anxieties and fears and anger.  I'm grateful for a project that I'm hoping I'll enjoy and will turn out better than my mediocre skills might indicate.  I'm grateful for something really good to read and for a bit of sunshine trying to get through the haze of our ugly air.  I'm counting on it shining on my soul as well.