Humbled / Relief

Started accompanying my Mom and her singing back when I was 8 or so (so going on 50+ years). I only had a couple years of lessons and my musical education (and ability) is sorely lacking in many areas.

Too many notes, too fast = really hard for me.

I can't recall ever being defeated by any accompaniment; just always managed to conquer the difficulties with grit/determination/sheer stubbornness.  Even the ones lately that I haven't enjoyed so much, I managed.  (Learning to count at my advanced age.)

I have spent several hours over the last few days working, working, working.  Just a few measures that kicked my self esteem to the curb and brought my emotions low.  Why couldn't I get this?

Was apprehensive as I went to rehearsal this a.m.  Haven't ever accompanied this particular sister before, don't really know her that well.  But we plowed ahead (her voice is beautiful and she knows music) till we got to the challenge part.

I played...and waited...she didn't come in.  Stopped playing, turned my head to look at her and the expression on her face was perplexed/befuddled.  Was I not playing it right?  Shaking her head she said with some wonder in her voice that she was totally lost.  She hadn't ever heard the music played right before.  She'd always looked at it, deemed it too hard and made up her own.  (And here I was so afraid I would disappoint!)  Thus, she didn't know when to come in.

What a revelation to me! I'm not quite the musical failure I thought.  After several more attempts, the "real" accompaniment was modified to something simpler, that made more sense to both of us, seemed to better fit the mood of the piece and relief was felt all around.  (Now if I can only remember what I played and be able to repeat it as I rehearse for our next get-together....)

Was all that practice time wasted?  Not at all.  There is much that music does for my soul.  Even that which is hard.  Even when I sit at the piano with frustrated fingers and mind, perspiration dampening the back of my neck.  Yes, even then.

I want to be prepared.  I endeavor to always do my best at whatever I am attempting and hope that my best will be acceptable.  And when it comes to musical numbers in church, my goal is to bring the Spirit - turn one's thoughts to worshipping God, and to never disappoint Him.

After sufficient practice I just might be able to pull it off.  (With help from the angels who guide my fingers to the right keys, they always help me.)

In gratitude today for the invitations to play for others.  Always an experience and opportunity I treasure.  I've made unexpected friends that way.  And enjoy the music that enriches my life.