Swirling Mind

Sometimes there's so much swirling through my mind it's a wonder I'm not completely nuts.  When that happens, then I talk.  And talk.  Just to get things out of my head.  It also keeps me up at night.  Am I the only one?

What shall I buy?

So, I worked all last year, keeping track of my steps, anxious for the reward.  (Yes, I can possibly be bought with a reward...) Finally decided last week to redeem my reward in the form of a gift card at Amazon. I struggled before making the final leap.  What if it didn't work out?  But last week I ordered the gift card.  All the while planning to get a new Dooney bag.  Nearly every day since ordering the card I checked Amazon and yep, the bag was still there.

Today, the card arrived.  Hastening in to my computer I pulled up Amazon and sure enough....the bag is no longer available.  Oh, I could get it in aqua or pink for the spring.  Just wasn't what I had in mind. Sigh...

And here I am whining about a blessing.  What a huge luxury to have $200 to spend on whatever my heart desires (within the constraints of the retail offerings).  And I'm grousing a bit because what my heart desired is not longer possible.

Read an obituary this morning for a woman I knew in my childhood.  She was 103 when she left this earth.  She was a widow for 57 years.  I remember that she somewhat intimidated me, but that she was kind.

Been thinking about funerals.  Remarked to a friend yesterday I don't want a funeral.  She reminded me gently that funerals are for the survivors.  Stubborn as I am, I stuck to my guns.  I do not want a funeral. Just, please, gather at the gravesite, dedicate it with a prayer as is our religious custom, think a kind thought or two and move on.  Carry me in your hearts, remember my attributes (if there are any) and forgive me my myriad faults. Know that I loved Heavenly Father and the Savior, that I absolutely adored The Husband and tried to be a worthy soul.  Not that I plan an exit any time soon, just making my wishes known and hope they'll be respected.

Today's gratitude:  for my knowledge of the Plan.  It helps me navigate this life, making my way through the frustrations, joys and my own shortcomings. It gives me hope.