Winning

My happy orchid.  Flowers are a blessing.

An article in yesterday's paper featured a couple - married 77 years.  Of course, they were asked what contributed to their long-lasting marriage.  (And by all accounts, it's been a happy one.)

He said, "Never win an argument."

I've been mentally exploring that idea ever since.  Perhaps putting my thoughts down in black and white will help refine them.  And this will by no means be comprehensive, rather pretty simple/basic. So...

I'll presume that most arguments are in some ways pretty trivial - meaning they're over stuff that really doesn't matter in the long run.  And I'm going to also presume that they involve a lot of ego.  So, if someone decides they aren't out to win:  end of argument.  If they refuse to go after a "win" they remove their ego from the equation.  Removing their own need for validation/ego feeding says to the other person - you are more important than winning, you are more important to me.  It doesn't really matter who is right or who is wrong, what matters is our relationship.  What matters is you.

That can be pretty powerful.  Whether in a family setting or with a co-worker, a friend or pretty much anyone.  It might take some discipline and a deep sense of "really, what does it matter who is right or wrong?"  (And sometimes perhaps it might matter, and might be worth standing up for... but maybe that's a different discussion for another day.)  It involves a sense of security, knowing exactly who you are and your infinite eternal value. Involves as well the ability to then go forward behaving exactly that way:  that it unequivocally does not matter.  I'd like to see if I'm woman enough to put it into practice.

It might be interesting to chat with this 97 year old and see if that is, indeed, what he meant when he said to never win an argument.

Reminds me of this quote I read somewhere:

If you have to choose between being kind and being right, choose being kind and you will always be right.