When I walked this morning it was way too cold to pull out my phone camera. So I've no pictures today. Though the day is still kinda young, and I might yet find one or two to post here.
I've noticed that lots of the blogs of friends and neighbors I've followed over the years have sort of just...died. No new posts for a long time. I'm not necessarily a great writer, don't have lots of profound things to say. But I'm not sure I'm ready to let go just yet. Even though I often talk about just quitting. Blogging must be "old school" now, out of fashion, over, done. And that about sums me up: old school, unfashionable, almost done.
I'm not a fan of getting old. I know the aging process if inevitable. (And I'm not quite ready for the alternative, I've still some fun to have.) This has been on my mind quite a bit as I suffer, like most people in their 60's increasing and new aches and pains of a varied assortment. I try to eat healthy, and I try to keep moving. That limber part that I thought I once had has long vanished. I'm grateful to be able to bend over to put on my shoes and socks.
This subject was also brought to mind on Sunday. We ran into a friend from our previous neighborhood in the hall at church between meetings. Practically the first words out of her mouth were "You haven't aged a bit, you look just the same." I chuckled out loud at that part. I refuse to spend the time and money on coloring my hair so I've lots of obvious gray in my brown remnants. I'm heavier than I like. (The only advantage to being heavy is that it somewhat fills in the facial wrinkles.) And it's probably been a decade since I last saw her, so, yeah, one of those mean-to-be-kind-but-obvious lies we sometimes hear.
Then the next day at the doctor's, The Husband was told by the receptionist we were a cute couple. That it was rare to see a couple as happy together as it appears we are. That is a young thing to me. I love being happy together. And if it makes us appear younger/more spry/more engaged with life, then that's how I want to be.
So my goal: to age gracefully. Now, grace has never been part of my makeup. As an adult, I've fallen over a curb (with a baby in my arms), tripped over a rock (and suffered a stage 4 ankle sprain accompanied by an avulsion fracture) done a face plant on the front porch, and broken my arm exiting my car (yes, there was ice I didn't see). There's also been stitches and bandages and tetanus shots. Not the actions (or results) of a graceful body. But if I can age with dignity and manage some happiness along the way, have a friend or two, be a decent kind mother, grandmother and citizen without making a complete and total fool of myself - yeah, that'd be a graceful way to age. And if I can have a little fun while I'm navigating the last decade or so of life, that's a luxurious bonus. How grateful I will be.
• A common theme in my life has been my feeling/sense that I'm not enough. Good enough, kind enough, pretty enough, rich enough- basically enough of anything. I was interested to read that this woman has often felt the same. And while it's clear that she is way younger than me, and with my extra years of experience comes a slightly different perspective, I liked what she had to say well enough that I wanted to share.
Enough
Today I'm grateful that the air quality wasn't so awful that I felt compelled to be in on the treadmill. I loved being out in the sunrise. I'm grateful that I haven't lost all those belongings that have seemed to elude me lately. (I found the potting soil, just not the missing house key.) I'm grateful for hope for a storm tomorrow (yes, I'll be in on the treadmill) that will help clean the air. I'm grateful for options. For a few days off work for The Husband (he missed out on those days at Christmastime and his grandboss wants him to take them asap). Don't know what we'll do, but I know it'll be great for him to have no deadlines/schedules/demands. I'm grateful for his employment and income. He's taken great care of us over the last 4+ decades. (Where has that time gone?) It does my heart good to find some good in this life.
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