But first: the other night, we had to visit a couple people in the neighborhood, were walking past where some kids were playing. They're fairly new to the area and don't really know us well. We smiled at them playing on their scooters and bikes and walked on. On the return trip, one of the littler guys was yelling something at us as soon as he saw us. Walking closer we asked him to repeat himself and he said his sister said I was a wicked old woman. I chuckled and responded that I was a nice fun old gramma.
Yes, outside I said that. But inside was sadness. Do I really appear that way to little children - a wicked old woman? Or do I appear that way to anyone? I know they don't know me. But still. I'm feeling a teensy crushed inside.
• Today ended up being so filled with stuff that The Husband took a "medical leave day" (translated into common sense: a sick day). Started the morning with haircuts and then off to Quest Diagnostics for some basic blood work for the incentive from the company to be healthy. I've always had a bit of a phobia about blood pressure. It's a test that makes me nervous I'm not going to pass. No matter how I approach it, my heart starts pounding and I'm, well, anxious.
This morning my blood pressure was a bit higher than optimal so the lady said we'd wait a few minutes and try again. Nope, higher. Then she switched out the blood pressure cuff for a smaller one and took it again. Nope, higher still. Valiantly she tried a fourth time. This time my blood pressure was so high she wouldn't even tell me what it was. By then I was completely stressed out. And yes, I'm feeling like I failed at something. Something important. And even when I try so hard to be healthy, there are just a few things (like really a lot of things) that are out of my control. Last time I took my blood pressure at the grocery it was in the 120/70 range. What happened? (It doesn't help that The Husband's blood pressure was 110/70.)
• And I'm feeling restless. Our next door neighbors house for sale sign went up on Tuesday night. Makes me really sad. The very next day I heard that a friend in another state has their house up for sale. We've been looking on and off (but mostly on) for years now and haven't been able to move forward, it hasn't felt at all right to get going on a change. How is it possible that they are all moving? I looked at the pictures of our neighbors house inside - it is really upscale, high end, especially compared to our house.
But we built for us, not for resale. We wanted stuff that we could enjoy and live with. We also got halfway through the building process and suffered some financial issues, so had to be careful with the cost of the house. And I've been content. Last evening was chatting with The Husband about why I don't like to follow certain home trends. And he started laughing. I guess I got a bit exercised.
I've always been an independent thinker. And I've always been w-a-y too practical (doesn't allow for much whimsy or fun in life). So I analyze the trends and reject them based on practicality, livability and expense and come up with something that's much different than even, well, what's next door. And then, again, I feel like somehow I come up short.
Should we decide to sell and move again (always a possibility) there'd have to be changes or compromises. I've long believed that decisions made in haste or under pressure are often wrong decisions. I don't really want to be pushed into that kind of situation.
So, for now, we do nothing. We clean out, toss, donate and fix up as best we can without spending too much money (we might need that for retirement). The back deck will be added to the outside bedroom door. If we can figure out how, we'll paint the inside. Last summer we had the stucco fixed up and it still looks great. But I don't really like that sense that other people are having adventures and I'm left out of all the fun. Though moving is essentially just a giant exhausting pain.
• We're off in a bit to pick up our taxes ready to file. The list of things to do is long. I'm glad we have things to do. But maybe, just maybe, a teensy little micro-adventure might be fun?
• I'm grateful today for the house we have, we put a lot of ourselves into it and I always hope that Heavenly Father's spirit dwells here with us. I'm grateful that we don't have to do anything about moving - at least for now. I'm grateful for good haircuts, for ward sisters who welcome me as more than just a visiting teacher. For people to take care of our complicated taxes. And I'm grateful for apricots - I hope they don't all completely freeze this year - was told this morning that the blooms are already out on the apricot trees - nearly a month ahead of schedule. I'd love to have at least a few to taste this year. Mostly I'm grateful for life and for someone I hold dear beyond everything else to share it with - no matter where we live.
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