Sad

Our youngest daughter was born on my sister-in-law's birthday.  I've always tried to remember them both on that special day.  We weren't necessarily close, but it was mostly due to proximity.  We never lived close enough to spend much time with them.  My brother passed 16 years ago.  All of my siblings (and parents) have had multiple health issues; I am the only one left.  

This year I heard from my niece that my sister-in-law had been put on hospice, the doctors could do nothing more for her and she was not expected to be around very much longer.  She left this earth very early this morning.  

I'm so sad.  You always think there's going to be time to visit, time to rekindle relationships, time to repair.  Life doesn't really work that way.  We always thought we were going to get up to visit her and somehow never did.  That's a big regret.

I'm conflicted about the funeral.  I dislike them so, they are so hard on me.  And yet, it would be great to see my niece and nephews again, it's been too many years. It's a bit of a drive, but we could manage it. We'll decide when we have more information.

I feel like The Husband and I have always been alone.  We've never lived close to my extended family, or The Husband's.  We had to make our way through life almost completely by ourselves, with little support of any kind from anyone. And our kids are not all near us.  We have felt very keenly (particularly in the Utah culture) our separateness: being all by ourselves and the complications of distance from a couple kids and lack of interest on the part of one.  Occasions like the death of a loved relation certainly cause some introspection. 

Our oldest daughter was just here for a short visit.  It was lovely to see her, I especially enjoy some one-on-one time with my kids.  Had a fun dinner with my two daughters, just us women.  Yes, so welcome.