Guilt

I seem to feel guilt in overabundance. Now, I like abundance as well as the next person, but not the kind that causes anxiety.  Guilt will do that to me.

I have a friend who is fond of saying, "guilt is for sin."  And I try to not be sinful.  But I tend to get caught up in stuff and waste some time.  I procrastinate a bit.  I berate myself for loving being at home when I could be volunteering somewhere, or working and earning money.  When, frankly, my priority is being here with The Husband who is fortunate enough to work at home. I often think how lucky we are, but I suspect there are those who think I'm selfish and unproductive.

I don't think there's a good answer.  Except perhaps to not feel so much guilt - especially when I'm not sinning.

Keeping that guilt - or is it really selfishness? - thing in mind, I've enjoyed the last few days.

My view looking north, love it!

• Went to lunch with a friend. Thoroughly enjoyed our visit.

• Have walked two mornings in a row, bum foot notwithstanding.  Yesterday The Husband walked along with me.  Such heaven!  Because of my foot, I'm walking very slowly and not hurrying, the only way I can manage to get out in the fresh, crisp sunrise.  I love it.

• Went visiting teaching - we have a new sister.  I'm looking forward to getting to know her better.

• Was reminded of my overarching philosophy of contentment.  I dislike being positioned where I question / feel less than / sense disapproval or condescension.  I will continue to do my best and hope that Heavenly Father will find it enough.

• Took some time to do some cross-stitch, my first choice of hand-work.  Remembered again how much I enjoy it.  I currently have a hankering to crochet a baby blanket.  Wonder if I could manage it - (those things I enjoy doing with a needle cost some $ for the supplies) and what would I do with it upon completion?

We need our sanity.

• Stopped in at a store to pick up a couple things I needed, was reminded how little I enjoy shopping, especially when I saw this "Retail" comic.  I need what little sanity is left to me.

• Received a couple gift cards - earned with my walking / step counting which I am going to spend on myself:  a pair of jeans and a new curling iron.

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Yesterday morning I snapped this tree - I love its personality.  The bark was clearly stressed over the years creating the growth between the breaks.  I intend to keep an eye on this tree next spring to see if there is life left.  I can think of parallels there with people and their challenges.

Now, I'm thinking I've procrastinated stuff long enough, I'd better get to that laundry folding, ironing, bill-paying before I've completely run out of time for today.

I'm so grateful for the luxury to choose each day what I do.  For a husband who doesn't seem to mind working so hard to provide for us both, who seems to enjoy having me around during the day.  I'm grateful for cooler weather.  (I know I'm totally in the minority here, but I just wilt in the heat of the summer - much, much prefer sweater weather.)  And I'm grateful to have enough.