November

 I'm a big fan of November.  I love when it feels fully fall. I didn't ever feel like I got the entire month without air conditioning or heating in the house, but that's ok.  I'm trending toward more comfort and less stingy.  

It's been a busy couple weeks.  The Husband's haircut was great.  He's almost ready for another one, but we really like the place and I like the woman who did his hair.  Then after a couple weeks it was my turn.  Finding a new hair person is as troublesome as finding a new doctor.  I was so nervous upon arrival I was ready to toss my cookies.  But - she was kind, pleasant, listened and actually expressed a plan.  I'm anxious to see how it goes.  My hair is w-a-y too thin and fine to change it much, but I've long desired a bit more hair around my ears and a slightly different shape.  The guy that's been doing it for 25 years did ok, but mostly went on auto pilot.  Any ideas I had for change were mostly ignored.  The best part:  I felt pampered.  And felt like it was not only ok to be pampered but actually kind of mandatory.  I haven't had anyone wash my hair in decades, got a little neck massage in the process and walked away full of hope.  It is taking some time to figure out how to use the large brush / hair dryer, but I'm getting there.  It's only been a few days.  Might have to get some new "product" but so far, it's not too bad and I've even had a couple people say my hair looks cute.  Mostly the same, but slightly different.

I'm loving my new purse.  Even had a couple compliments on it, also.  It feels odd, but oddly fun to have someone express "like" for something on or about me.  The new purse is almost perfect (size, proportions, quality, pretty much everything).  Best one I've had in ages.  And yes, it's a crossbody.  Social media aside (and I'm not really into most of it, I really dislike so many aspects / consequences of it) I'm 75 years old and don't care that a crossbody "ages" me, don't care about the trends.  At this point I'm w-a-y more interested in comfort and practicality and if I can get it, cute. I consider this purse a win for me. The picture makes it look way more purple than it is, I'm loving the color.

We went to Springville to celebrate our youngest grandson's birthday.  He's such a fine fellow that we love so much.  We love all our grandchildren (though most of them are full adults now).  Wish we had been allowed to know some of them more.  One is getting married in Hawaii in January, and of course we won't be able to go.  Regrets, yeah, I have a lot of them.

My friend that I've ministered to / visit taught for years and years is on hospice.  She's looking a bit worse every time I see her, even if it has only been a few days between visits.  Her mind still seems pretty good, but her body is failing.  When she told me how little time she has left I cried.  Then Sunday night, my good friend from the Bishop's Storehouse called, we had a three way conversation.  She has cancer in the liver.  A secondary cancer they believe started in her lungs. It's lots of places in her body.  She's at least ten years younger than I am  so it feels young to me for her to be so ill. I'm weary of people I care about having such issues.  

And it's into the holiday season.  I splurged on some half price "wreaths" for the front door.  The door is glass so that means I have to have two.  They are gussied up twig stars and I love the way they look.  I love Christmas and the celebration of Jesus Christ.  I kind of loathe all the expectations / gifts / stress that this season brings.  They're already announcing the ward Christmas party and I won't want to go.  It would be so good for The Husband and I never want to limit him but these social things are nearly always truly more than I can bear.  For Christmas I never know what to give people - there are so many obligations.  And often the things we give (in spite of the thought and effort and concern I've put into them) are immediately tosssed or given away.   And now that we are trying so hard to be so careful with our funds, it's even more difficult. Our daughters are great, and they never have expectations or complaints or criticism or anything negative.  They are such a blessing to us.

Our walk this morning ended up in the light - Daylight Saving time should just go away, IMO.  And today is beautiful.  My heart aches for those who are in the midst of flooding.  We have needed the rain so, so much.  But they've had too much all at once.  It makes me sad.

I have lots more thoughts, it's been too long since I put them here. I began a weekly email check-in to each of my children and somehow that has taken the place of my blog, though I try much harder to be less verbose in those emails than here where I just go "stream-of-consciousness". So I should just wrap things up for today.  I try to always be grateful but I think it's really beneficial to actually put in writing things I'm grateful for.  I'm grateful for our home.  It's a burden - and an expensive one at that - but the thoughts of living somewhere else fill me with dread.  I'm grateful that the shirts that seem to be my sort of uniform through the winter aren't completely threadbare.  Though the cuffs and collars are constantly needing threads trimmed.  I've looked and haven't found affordable replacements.  Eventually some will go on sale where I like to buy from and I'll get one or two then.  I'm so grateful for good books to read.  And a cupboard that still has food.  I'm grateful for my hope in the Savior who will make right all that is wrong.  For everyone. 

p.s.  I've tried to get a picture of my new purse on here multiple times but they've changed something yet again and it is beyond my capability.  Hopefully I'll figure it out soon.  Pictures are completely necessary.

Further Adventures

...from my every day life.  And I have so many thoughts.

• Last Thursday we went to Costco for bread and milk.  I like those from Costco for several reasons.  Opened up the car door this morning and there was the bread we bought, still in the car after four days.  Sheesh.  I try to always be prepared and sort of plan ahead so I am ready for the hiccups that always seem to happen. But it isn't always a good thing.  So, we didn't absolutely need that bread (and it usually goes straight in the freezer to lengthen its life because we only use a couple slices a day).  But seriously?  I remember reminding myself to not leave it in the car, though I did it anyway. 

• Saturday night we had a fierce storm.  Actually it's still wending its way through the area.  Was so happy to know I could turn on the fireplace.  Looked over and yup, the pilot light was out. Sent the company an email requesting service, they wanted to come on Sunday morning (nope, we're at church) so the time was set for yesterday afternoon.  It kept getting bumped, but finally Tyler arrived.  He got the pilot light lit, we ran the fireplace for a couple hours, then The Husband went out the back door and when he came in and shut the door the pilot light went out.  😔 Tyler had me take a video of how to re-light it but right now I just can't.  

• And since it's about 66 degrees in the house, the furnaces are now running.  They kicked on almost instantaneously so it's obviously cold in here.  I don't want it too cold for the kitty.  Last week it was so warm I succumbed and turned on the air conditioning.  And now it's the furnaces.  The bank account will take more of a hit for our in-house comfort, but I keep telling myself we're worth it.

Found Online- Totally agree

• Skipped our walk this morning to be ready for The Husband's anticipated haircut.  Tried a new place.  Don't think The Husband has had such a good haircut in years and years.  We'll be return clients for sure.  She was so pleasant. 

• Since we were over that way we wandered into Kohl's.  I've been wanting (hesitate to call it a need) something new to wear.  Decided to try on the cute sweater before purchasing.  Good thing I did, it was a hard no.  I'm just too old, too frumpy/fat and too all around unattractive.  Which is disheartening.  (Great word that, right?)

• Also because we were over there, stopped in at Great Harvest for a loaf of bread and some of their yummy cookies - they taste homemade.  I keep these in the freezer, pull one out occasionally for us to share, they warm up nicely in the microwave.  She signed me up for the rewards - I generally avoid that kind of thing - and "because you're so adorable I'll give you extra points".  Told her I hadn't been called adorable in ages and she good-humoredly chided The Husband for slacking.  Too cute.  Made me smile on a dismal morning. 

• Was gifted some cash to spend on a purse - I'm always looking for a good one and mostly everything falls short somehow.  Finally decided that the money was a gift and gifts are for luxuries not for practicality so I ordered a bag.  My typical winter color (black) felt so boring I chose the cobalt blue - a luxury, right? Looking forward to its arrival.

• Mid October and it finally feels like fall.  The trees are starting to lose their leaves.

• David came to do the fall lawn fertilization.  He's yet to see me dressed and with my hair done, he always comes first thing in the morning.  I love that he rings the doorbell, has a little chat, imparts whatever pertinent info he has to give and goes about his work. This company is why I like to shop local, they really care about doing a great job.  I recommend this company to pretty much everyone given the chance.

• I am continually repenting.  Every day there's a reason for me to apologize - most often to The Husband for responding poorly.  He deserves only good from me.  It's really sad that I behave unkindly.  It makes me ashamed.  And determined to better and often I do, for a while.  Hopefully Heavenly Father doesn't give up on me because I'm so slow to conquer my weakness.

Today I am so grateful for the working furnaces and the ability to keep the house warm.  Sweaters are good and an integral part of our fall/winter wardrobe.  But warmth is good also.  (I had to get up overnight before we turned on the furnaces and get a blanket because I was cold.  Typical fall hot/cold weather.)  I'm grateful for repentance.  Grateful for a good cookie and perhaps some fresh ice cream to look forward to.  Grateful to know that we'll have insurance for another year, though at a bit of a higher rate and a bit less coverage.  (Still haven't received the hospital bill for the nuclear stress/rest test back in July. Sheesh.) Am grateful we found someone great to cut The Husband's hair.  And grateful for sweaters, socks and soup. 

Drained

And I have no pictures.  

Spent over an hour trying to get an appointment.  Everything is online only.  No appointment for three weeks which surprises me.  Am trying to decide if it's worth a phone call to see if by some small miracle something is available sooner.  Not sure I have the oomph.

Received a text.  From our lawn mower.   Made me so sad.  Made my stomach upset.  Apparently I was out of line telling him that once the sprinkler guy turns off the water to the grass for the season then there's no longer a need for mowing.  At least that was my take on things, figured the grass wouldn't really grow without regular watering.  Got quite the lecture - among other things about how I cut him off too early and mowing lawns is his livelihood.  Still don't know what to think about it.  We haven't ever had mowers before, haven't had a need, The Husband has always done all of the yard work, so this is kind of new territory to me.  Apparently I wasn't supportive of how he "does business".  Didn't ask, didn't know I needed to, he didn't say.  My reply was as pleasant as I could be.  But as the day has gone on I keep thinking:  doesn't he work for us?  Since I'm the "employer"  don't I have a say?  Sigh.

Then it was off to the dealership for the 30,000 mile service on the car.  I almost wish we hadn't gone.  $650 - for a nine year old car that really only has 28,000 miles on it. Feels like $650 down the drain.  Came away with instructions to save for rear brakes and new tires, they're both in the marginal category.  License renewal (again, online which for once was kinda-sorta-maybe-not-really convenient) another $175.  How do people live in this world with everything so expensive? 

And I'm feeling crummy.  Didn't take my omeprazole this morning, trying to not have it very often.  Shared a twisted churro at Costco (walked around the store while waiting for the car) so it was some sugar, then sipped The Husband's diet dr. pepper which I shouldn't have.  The caffeine just makes my stomach so miserable.  I'm all shaky, feeling broke and discouraged. 

On the bright side:  the car is set for another year.  (Next big mileage service on it is at 60K miles and costs - currently - about $850. At our current rate of roughly 3,000 miles / year that could be another 9 or ten years.  Who knows what'll happen, where we'll be when we are 84 years old.)  I can find another lawn mower if I want, though likely not for as cheap as he is.  I can try taking my omeprazole tomorrow and see if that helps me feel better, and sleep with the window closed so I don't wake up completely congested and unable to breathe.  And I can wait for three weeks for that appointment.  It isn't dire.  Just me trying to find someone better to help me out with something.  So, it could all be so way worse.  Read this the other day:  "don't forget the imagine the best case scenario, too."  Good thought for me.  

Tomorrow will definitely be better.  💛

Another Week Almost Finished

Friday again.  Sometimes the weeks seem to fly by and other times it feels like I'm just trying to walk through deep, deep thick mud.

Am I awful for skipping second hour of church on the rare occasion when I "just can't"?  Did it last Sunday, haven't felt a bit of remorse.  Would be mildly interested in hearing how it went, but only mildly.

Took dinner to our friend on her cancer treatment day. A new scan revealed reduction in size of tumors, some even went away completely.  WooHoo!!  I've got to figure out a way to make taking her weekly meals more affordable for me.  Also ran a birthday gift to a loved one with a birthday tomorrow.  This is a busy time - three important birthdays to remember this week alone.

Went with our friends for a bit of a road trip yesterday.  Drove through Wyoming and then down to Mirror Lake, took the more direct route home.  Such a delightful day.  We took sandwiches and had a quick picnic lunch before strolling the trail that circles the lake.  The weather was absolutely perfect.  The lake beautiful, it was just literally sparkling in the sunshine.  Not lots of people up there - though we did watch a man land the fish he caught.  Ate silly snack food all day long.  Then had leftovers for dinner at home, so not lots of work for me preparing.  A day to remember.  Good times. If they invite us again next year, it will be 3 years in a row.  Does that mean we're part of their tradition?  I hope so.  

My fellow organist brought me back a couple gifts from his trip to Japan.  This cute little doll and a very fun plant - succulents inside a pumpkin
gourd.  I asked him what happens if I kill it.  He was quick to say just toss it.  The instructions say it only is meant to last about 4-6 weeks anyway so I can rest assured that no matter what happens it's just fine. Never had a plant like this, I love the seasonal things that bring beauty.  I confess that most of the autumn colors aren't my favorite.  (i.e. orange, brown)

Had a texting conversation with someone.  Wished I had come across this article before the texting.  Might have been good to share with him.  Still, I'm glad that I found it anyway.  Reverse Bucket List I really like the thoughts expressed here.

Two good friends

I finally finished up the embroidery project I've been working on.  The last two evenings have found me immersed in my neglected-for-many-months cross stitch.  Am reminded when I pick it up again how much I love it.  

The guy is here tuning the piano -didn't need too much work, I don't think, it seems to have held the pitch and tuning pretty well, but then that seems to always be the case for me.  Next week it'll be the annual service on the car.  I'm pretty sure it'll mean new tires all around.  Sigh.  It feels like there's no end to the outgo of $$$ from our small funds. 

Today I'm struggling a bit to truly feel the gratitude that I want to feel.  I don't want to just be surface in any area of my life.  

I'm grateful for kind souls who will take the time to listen to me and help me feel valued.  Am grateful for the lovely piano that elevates my meager abilities.  Am grateful for this beautiful season - the yellow of the aspens makes my heart happier - and the easing of the oppressive heat makes my body feel better.  I'm grateful for something good to read, something good to eat, somewhere comfortable to live  - those aren't just flippantly listed small things, they are all very important things to me.  

Wish I Had A Picture -

 - of the sweet hug we saw a woman give her horse this morning.  We often walk that route and The Husband always greets all the horses there, there's about 4 in that particular area.  This morning The Husband greeted not only the horses, but the woman also.  She came over for a bit of a chat.  The horse is named Caesar - great, great grandson of Secretariat, so good bloodlines. Caesar was also a racehorse.  Anyway, we learned about her horse and a bit about herself.  She said this horse saved her, almost teared up (which made me struggle with the same tearing up). I told her I wish I'd had a picture of the way she hugged him and patted him and stroked him.  The look on her face was pure love.  😢

Last night we attended a benefit concert downtown SLC.  We didn't go for the "benefit" (fundraising) part, but for the music.  Live music is always very fun and my hope was that The Husband would really enjoy it.  (We truly need more "out of the box" non-routine activities, it's good for him.) I think he did.  I did, very much so.  Want to always remember this little tiny portion.  The singer has an 18 month old son.  Says he sings to him every night, while the little guy holds his Kermit the Frog, "The Rainbow Connection".  Sang it for us last night, after mentioning that he's never sung this song in public before and we were all captivated.  His eyes were closed as he finished off the song and you could just see him thinking of his precious son, was feeling all the feels.  I wondered how many of the audience noticed (as I did) the unobtrusive quick swipe of a single tear off his cheekbone.  He jumped immediately into a very upbeat and energetic song; in my opinion, though, "The Rainbow Connection" was truly the highlight. Very tender.

Were making our way down the baking aisle at the grocery.  I reached over and nabbed two bags (they're smaller now, remember?) of chocolate chips and heard a loud "load it up" from behind me.  Curious, I looked around and an older guy caught my eye and said, "that's not near enough".  Ha ha ha. We fellow chocolate chip lovers recognize each other.  Completely removed any guilt I might have felt about buying those chocolate chips and was even mildly tempted to grab another bag.

I've very often, throughout my life, felt pretty invisible.  More so since entering "old" age.  I've had the thought a couple times that perhaps the reason people talk to me  (like the horse woman this morning, the chocolate chip guy yesterday - it still happens often enough that I notice, especially since I'm not usually initiating conversation with anyone)  wherever I am is Heavenly Father's way of letting me know I'm not quite completely invisible.  Is that possible? 

Today I'm so grateful for the stars in the morning.  Our walks begin in darkness, it feeds my soul to watch the day arrive.  I'm grateful for benches along the way of our walks for The Husband to have a bit of a rest.  I'm grateful that we were able to attend the concert last night - tickets were buy one and get the second half off, another reason to be grateful, made it easier to justify that luxury.  I'm grateful for the kindness of strangers, and that someone feels comfortable enough around me (sometimes a complete stranger)  speak freely.  And I'm so grateful for my loved ones.  I might wish that things were better between us, but at least no one seems to actively dislike us and I consider that a blessing.  I'm grateful that we celebrated our 56th anniversary.  No one else I would rather journey through this life than The Husband.  I'm so grateful he's tolerant of my innumerable flaws and instead notices my (so far unfulfilled) potential.  💖

Just Lots Of Thoughts

So.  Where to begin?  Actually had the fireplace fixed.  Called a company and they came within a few days - I expected a long wait for service.  Interesting guy  that did the service - he's from Ukraine and we had a bit of a conversation.  There were several things wrong with the fireplace, several things mean several more increments of money outgo.  Learned that when the gas flame is blue and getting blue-er it means it is being oxygen deprived.  The culprit?  A piece of roofing shingle that managed to find its way into the vent pipe.  Since then things seem to be working well.  Though we aren't having the fireplace on just now - still too hot.  Is it obvious that I'm pretty done with summer and the heat?

While he was here I practiced the piano.  He was excited to show me a video he took of the fireplace burning with the piano music as the soundtrack.  I guess he enjoyed the music. 

These people that come work on things around the house?  They like to be paid with a check.  When I paid for the window, I didn't realize I wrote the very last check.  No idea where the order form ended up.  After quite a period of time online/on the phone with the credit union, I finally got some checks ordered - got the smallest number of checks possible.  They arrived quickly but oh, so wrong.  So many things.  I was going to try to just live with it, but decided that since I'd spent the money to have them done, they might as well be done properly.  Again, on the phone.  Nice young man who helped me, seemed to know his stuff.  Though he admitted that he'd never actually written a check, wouldn't really know how.  Sheesh, I'm feeling my age.  The new ones he ordered will arrive soon, fingers crossed.

Bought some new seed for the birds.  Watched a squirrel (think it's a fox squirrel) absolutely decimate a whole lot of the last seed cake we had out there.  Thought these feeders were squirrel resistant.  But the critter is determined, determined and determined.  At the store, the guy recommended the hot pepper seed cake. With only a bit of hesitation we bought some.  Watched the squirrel this morning head for the new seed. Was only there momentarily.  Leapt to the other feeder with the remaining non-peppery seed and did his best to finish it off.  While I ate breakfast I watched him visit the non-pepper seed a lot.  It appears the pepper seed is effective for this little squirrel.  Birds don't have the sensory receptors that mammals do so the birds don't mind the pepper.  So far, I think we have a winner. (The picture was taken through the window and cropped many many times, hence the blurriness.)

And finally: I had some serious trembling and heart racing yesterday.  Stopped at a store we rarely go to.  Pulled into a shady parking spot and remarked out loud that it might be tricky getting out of that particular spot because of the lot traffic.  Wanted the shade so parked there anyway.  Shoulda listened to my inner voice.  In and out of the store quick, got in the car and was backing out, after looking and looking and looking to make sure it was all clear.  All of a sudden:  crunch.  Yup, I bumped someone.  Pulled the car forward and got out.  Can't see a single thing on the car.  The woman who crunged me?   She was pulling forward out of a spot she'd backed into and just kept going, apparently not even looking to see that I was already backing out of my spot. She didn't stop.  Didn't look my way.  Didn't even slow her forward progress, just headed out to the street and was gone.  I was a wreck.  Was still trembling when we arrived home 25 minutes later.  Sigh.  I always think about the cost and complications of something going awry.  Wish I could stop that kind of "future" thinking.  (Is that the same as "borrowing trouble"?)

I think yellow roses are my favorite.  Two of these five were ready for the trash yesterday.  Instead, I cut off a good length of stem, plunked them in fresh water and this morning they were all happy and smiling. Glad I didn't give up on them.

I'm feeling a bit less stressed today.  Now that Robert's song is over and there's not that pressure I'm feeling better.  I think it went ok, he sounded good to me. I made a couple mistakes, though tried to not let them be obvious.  Only two people said anything to me about it.  Perhaps no one liked it.  As long, though, as Heavenly Father was accepting of our offering I'm good.  I don't really need (though it could be pleasant) the validation of other people.  I just want to bring the Spirit and please our Creator.  I hope that happened.  Not sure I'll ever know.

Grateful today for no damage to the car.  And no lasting damage to my heart.  😄 Grateful for cooler weather for a few days - 49 degrees when we left the house for our walk.  Grateful that they're coming in a while to paint the ceiling.  I'm nervous about this, but hopefully it'll go well and won't break the bank.  Grateful for food in the cupboards, recipes to use them with and hugs from loved ones.

It's Official...

...again.  I'm old.  Just had my 7*#@ birthday.  And frankly:  I don't feel any different.  Different from when I was in my 20's, 30's,40's - for sure.  But that's only the physical feeling different.  I do have aches and pains.  I have stenosis in my spine, arthritis in my hands, feet, back, neck, etc., a partial thickness tear of my rotator cuff, hair that is growing more white than brown on the daily basis (also hair that is thinning),  and well, it's painfully (haha) obvious that I'm no longer in those earlier decades.   

liked this

But, truly, I feel great.  I complain.  I try not to.  I hurt - a lot and a lot of the time.  But I feel mostly full of life still and ready to tackle the issues that plague me whether physical, mental, or spiritual.  It's good to still be alive and hoping for some fun sometime.

I told The Husband I didn't want any fuss for my birthday.  He mostly obliged.  Our daughter came into town the day before and treated us to a yummy (ate w-a-y too much) lunch and a wander around a little store. Received a rare phone call from our son, it was so
good to hear his voice.  And his 10 year old son, even called me on his own to say Happy Birthday.  Texts from our other son and his family.  Our daughter and grandson also treated me royally on the day.  I got to have my choice of Papa Murphy's pizza - hawaiian, which I know some people think is an abomination.  But I loved it. Leftover pizza will be so good.  Even was given wonderful gifts - though truly, I don't need a single thing.  Our daughters are extraordinarily generous, thoughtful and creative.  Those are such admirable qualities and I love that they have them in spades.

Received birthday cards from the dentist and one of the finance guys.  The ministering brother and his wife gave me a new apron which I used this morning.  😊  I love that people are so kind.  I generally feel so undeserving of anything from anyone.  

Today's goal:  to eat less sugar.  Birthdays somehow include a lot of that.  I don't do birthday cakes (completely dislike the frosting), I prefer pie and we finished it off yesterday.  So happy to share.  

We finally got the replacement window installed.  $341 and I felt lucky to have that done.  Next up is the ceiling.  Have an appointment for next week.  Then it'll be the fireplace and I think I've got a company that will work for that.  This stuff really needs to be done.  I just love the sense of accomplishment when things get crossed off the never-disappearing list of tasks.  

Headed out this morning for a walk.  We missed yesterday morning, up too late the night before.  It was a beautiful walk.  Upper 60's, thin sliver of moon watching over us through the clouds.   Was almost home when I saw this poor snake.  I dislike seeing things die, but it's hard to feel too bad about snakes.  They're not my favorite.

I'm so grateful for the kindness of people.  Physical expressions (gifts) of love are never expected but I have so enjoyed them this year.  I'm grateful for still being able to sit at the piano and make some sort of music.  Just saw an ad for a t-shirt that said "Never underestimate a woman who still plays piano in her seventies."  So fun, wouldn't wear one, but I thought it was cute. Mostly, though, I'm grateful for still being alive at this age.  Grateful for hope for a bit of fun that I'm thinking is just waiting for me to find it.  And grateful for the ability to fast on Fast Sunday with prayers in my heart for help that I can be a better person.

End Of The Week

It feels good to have the Saturday chores done:  the bathrooms cleaned, vacuumed the entire main floor, clean sheets on the bed, the sheets and towels washed, dried and put away.  The Husband is wonderful to help me with the vacuuming.  My back gives out about halfway through.  (Though I have added a couple core strengthening exercises to my morning routine - I only spend about 10 minutes doing them - and I think they have helped somewhat.  Consistency, right?)

The backflow inspection went fine once the guy finally, finally arrived.  I get all stressed and feeling quivery when stuff seems like it's going awry and I haven't any control.  Told The Husband this morning, I do my best to be prepared for whatever is coming (in this particular instance, being in the right lane as I drive so I'm not scrambling at the last minute to get in the proper lane to get where I'm going).  It's a personal approach that has been super beneficial all my life.  It isn't always possible to be completely prepared, but I do my best and find that for me it helps.

We've had some rain a couple times this week.  Was up in the night closing a couple windows (always trying to save money by not running the air conditioning at night if we can get by without it) because it was raining hard.  Then late morning today another drenching downpour!  We love it and are so grateful for every single drop that comes.

Had just enough money left on our Chick-Fil-A gift card for a meal today.  We shared one of the new chicken waffle sandwiches (loved it) and each (I struggle to share ice cream😆) had one of the new smores shakes - I didn't love that one quite as much.  Next up is to get another gift card to Chick-Fil-A.  I love having money on my app that pays for a meal, it always feels like a treat.

Found a penny the other day.  Probably too late in the day for good luck (find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck) but I picked it up anyway.

Stopped at Target the other night after our Hale play (which was a fine play, just not one we super liked for numerous reasons).  Bought two items.  Thought the price seemed high.  Checked the receipt before we left the check-out area.  The person before us had purchased gatorade.  They finished their transaction and left the area before the checker scanned our two items.  But...that danged gatorade showed up on our receipt.  Glad we checked and got a refund of that amount on our card immediately.  But seriously, how did that happen?  And how often does that happen to other people?  And does that mean those people ahead of us got their gatorade for free? 

Put on a pair of jeans the other day.  Haven't worn jeans in about a year.  Likely be nearly a year before I wear them again.  Just can't do the belt.  Decided that I'm a person that feels better with stretchy waistbands.  On the lookout for some nicer looking elastic waist (i.e. old lady) pants.

Piano practicing continues.  I'm on the organ the next three weeks.  Last Sunday also.  Substituted on the piano in R.S. last week, too.  And I'm working hard on the song that I'll accompany when Robert sings in a few weeks at church.  I'm slower to pick things up these days.  Harder to transition from 2 flats (I never learned my key signatures and figure I don't really need to learn them at this late date) to 5 sharps within the song than it used to be.  Though playing sharps has always been harder than playing flats for me.  No idea why.  Add in the painful back and arthritic hands and no ibuprofen and practicing sessions are shorter for me these days.  Though, frankly, I welcome the opportunity to practice something different than the hymns. 

Moon 

This morning's moon was stunning.  We tried to watch the eclipse the other night and caught a few minutes of the beginning.  But by the time we arrived home from the play, too many clouds had moved in and we couldn't see anything. But we tried.  I took several pictures of the moon flirting with the clouds this morning, this one turned out the best.  I was actually surprised that any of them were worth viewing. 

Today I'm grateful for completed chores.  Grateful for sweet women to chat with.  Took some peanut butter and ritz crackers to my friend in the rehab.  She'd asked her family for some peanut butter and crackers and they wouldn't take her any.  I didn't know why (personally thought it sort of unkind to not bring her something she's asked for) until I asked her and she said they just laughed and thought it was funny, couldn't take her seriously.  I told The Husband I'd just drop off the food and be out in a jiffy, but she needed to talk.  She was alone which surprised me.  I kept attempting to leave and then going back inside the room because she had just one more question, then one more thought, then again another thought.  And I remembered how it feels to be alone and lonely so I said a quick mental prayer that The Husband wouldn't mind waiting in the lobby a minute or two more.  Felt like I needed to just stick around a bit longer.

I'm grateful today for the chance to try again. And again. And again.  To be a better person.  To be kinder, gentler.  I know my frustration and anger don't come from any good place.  And I want to be in a good place and a good person and a good disciple of the Savior.  So I'll keep at it.  Maybe, eventually, my efforts will be good enough. Grateful for hope of forgiveness.

Another Week

Can I just say:  life is a challenge.  And I'm going to leave it at that.

We're at home today, apparently most all the day.  We have an appointment scheduled for the mandatory annual backflow preventer inspection. Our appointment time:  9:00 a.m. to dark thirty.  So we're here.  Sometimes I really like the need to be at home all day, somehow it feels like less pressure. But then I get antsy about having to be here.  I'm such a mess.

This will be a less busy week - I used to joke about the old "ladies who lunch".  Now I get it.  The food is never, ever the point.  It's the connection with friends. I had several of those connections last week and loved every minute.  It's so lovely to be included, which I am not usually.  

And our daughter's kitty?  I'm smitten. We have a sort-of, kind-of routine.  Well, she does, I am just along for her pleasure.  Mornings our daughter leaves for work, kitty comes up and sits on the chair between The Husband and me at the table.  I think she's really asleep, she's got her front paws all resting on her back paws, curled up on the chair pad, eyes closed (but ears cocked to hear us).  Until I finish up in the kitchen.  Then she's down and calling for me.  Usually waiting at the top of the stairs for me to give her loves.  (Such a chore! hahaha).  Then she follows me around, asking ever so politely for a treat.  Often I think she's aware she's already had one but is hoping I've forgotten so she'll get a second one.  When that little bit of business is done, she's waiting for me to sit down - which I almost never can do in the mornings - for some lap time.  Then eventually she'll settle in for another nap.  Lately the preferred spot is the dining chair.  I keep moving her actual bed hoping she'll sleep there but...no.  Perhaps it's still too hot. In any event, I find it absolutely impossible to get anywhere near her without telling her how precious she is and reaching out for a little chin scratch.  She never seems to mind.

How did I forget how much I love a house kitty?  She is super sweet - has never scratched or bitten or hissed or done any of the objectionable behaviors cats are known for.  Last evening we were in The Husband's office - she doesn't like to go in there for some reason.  Thought she'd gone downstairs, looked up to find her stationed on top of the chair back where she could see us, she has several of those spots around the house.  I love that she always wants to be within viewing location of us.  So grateful that she seems to like being around us.

And editorial comment here:  I've noticed more and more women wearing their hair parted either on the side or slightly off-center (even actresses and newscasters).  Hooray!! Center parts have never really looked good on anyone.  You have to have a symmetrical face for that and no one does.  I never understood why the center part, straight hair seemed to be so de rigeur.  Side or off-center part is universally flattering.  Yes, it is.  Of course, all opinions expressed here are mine and mine alone.  And I know somehow the younger generations (especially the millenials) have a kind of need to always follow the crowd and don't really understand individuality.  I suspect eventually they'll get there.  No one needs to look just like everyone else. Again, my opinion.  (As I read over this, it sounds a bit brutal and very opinionated.  I'm ok with that.  I try to always be kind, but this is my itty bitty personal corner of the world.  Can say what I want, right?)

I've been up and busy - went for a long-ish walk, saw a momma deer and her two spotted fawns, after breakfast and shower did the laundry, only a little bit left to fold and put away.  Vacuumed half the house - thank you, My Love, for vacuuming the other half.  You always do a much better, thorough job than I do.  All of that means that after lunch I can just relax a bit if I choose.  I'm in the midst of a pretty decent book, I've embroidery to do, could even do some weeding out of things to donate if I choose (though probably won't).  It'll be nice to have some quiet time.  If we're lucky and the backflow inspector comes sooner we'll run over and get tickets to see a movie tomorrow afternoon.  It'll be fun to do that, it's been a long time.

Today I'm so grateful for the rain we had overnight and the confidence in our good roof to know we were safe from leaks.  I'm grateful for plenty to enjoy during the forced afternoon at home.  Grateful for repentance, I came home grumpy from church yesterday and needed to repent of my attitude toward some ward members.  And grateful today for a morning hug.  Need them...always.

Just Stuff Going On

Sunday's sacrament meeting was hard for me. Mistakes were made.  Plenty of them.  A couple people were kind enough to say I did well, but those truly (yes, really, I'm not just saying that) felt just like an obligatory "good job!" comment.  I'm so relieved it's over.  I took a couple ibuprofen - been told they're off limits since we've started the statin.  Didn't care.  Knew I couldn't make it through the meeting with my ever-present, groan-inducing pain.  Relieved that meeting is over.

Monday it was off to lunch with our Bishop's Storehouse friends then to IMC to visit my friend that I minister to. We'd been to the hospital to see her on Friday and Saturday.  She still hadn't been out of bed yet so we've been very concerned.  Got to the hospital to find it swarming - yes, actually swarming - with law enforcement.  Some shooting at a funeral a few miles away had brought a couple victims to the hospital for treatment.  So many of their friends, etc. showed up (and with no one knowing who had guns and how many) the hospital was put on lockdown:  precautionary measures they said.  We hung around for a while but it was clear the lockdown was going to last for hours (and it did).  As we left we circled the hospital campus, counted 40+ police vehicles before stopping the count and still didn't count them all.  It was weird.  Everything calm outside except for the very alert police presence, weapons and all.  I was glad to finally arrive home.

And the long awaited follow-up with the cardiologist visit was this morning.  Bottom line:  we're really good.  I went in feeling rebellious.  When the nurse asked me to step on the scales, I just calmly said, "not today, thanks." Surprisingly she just said ok, didn't even shrug her shoulders or anything. My ready explanation didn't even matter.  She didn't care.  Ok, then.  I had already pretty much decided to see this particular visit (needed the information) through and then find a different dr.  

As it turns out, I'm ok with her.  If  I only have to see her like once a year.  At one point, trying to answer her question and being interrupted by her three times, I finally said, "I'd like to finish what I was saying".  Again, surprisingly she just nodded and waited for me to finish.  My take on that is that she's been called on this abruptness before.  I think my whole issue is that she is business and business only.  No chit chat, no pleasantries, no social niceties.  Just cold hard facts.

Pretty roses at Costco.

Anyway, she went over the test results thoroughly.  I think she expected our hearts to be in w-a-y worse shape.  They're not.  Especially considering our ages, my family genetics, our carrying more extra pounds than we'd like. She said we are doing really well, both of us. (First pleasant and kind thing I've heard her say.)  Continue to take the statin, get our blood panels done in three months to see what progress has been made and then we'll see where we are. Seemed like she was not expecting the results from both of us to be so similar. Twinners, I guess. No one else beside The Husband I'd rather be twinners with.  :^)  Hopefully most all the tests are done now - they have been horrendously expensive and not all the bills have come in yet. Information is nearly always beneficial.  Just despise how much it often costs.

Straight from the dr. to Costco.  We were out of so many basics, I walked away sort of down-at-heart at how much we spent.  I love the feeling of knowing we have supplies that we use and need.  Not loving the feeling of our shrinking funds.

Robert has invited me to play for him when he sings in Sacrament meeting in a few weeks.  Spent some time at the piano and discovered that I'm slower to learn music than in the past. It's been quite some time since my last foray into special musical numbers.  It shows.  I can only play for just a while before my back is so painful I can't play anymore.  I actually looked into a chair or stool with a back for pianists, etc.  Trouble is, I was taught to be an edge sitter.  Backs on chair don't work unless you sit fully on the chair and use the back rest. Won't be getting one of those chairs. Can't play unless I'm on the edge.

So, today, I'm very grateful that the heart news is about as good as it could be.  I'm grateful we could manage the costly Costco visit.  Grateful for something good to read if I can only find the time to do it. And grateful to be home for the day, something for dinner, embroidery to do tonight.  Hopefully next time I put my thoughts (that I want to remember) on here, I'll be less verbose.  It'll be a challenge.

Too Many Words

And I have too many words because today started out as a circus.  Truly.

Took a risk (rain predicted) and walked outside.  Rather walk outside in the morning than be on the treadmill.  Came home to a message on the security alarm panel that something was amiss.  Spent probably 40 minutes working with the alarm company - talking on the phone while using the app and simultaneously working the website on my computer.  W-A-Y more tech stuff than I have ever used all at once and am still astonished that I managed it.

At the same time, the guys came to fertilize the lawn - needing me at the front door for some input.  We also had two very quick power outages to complicate matters. The Husband trimmed the tree  branches that threaten the heads of every person coming up our front sidewalk in the midst of it all. 

And  also simultaneously, I was receiving constant texts on my phone.  My friend and the ward sister I minister to fell yesterday.  Broke her hip and several small fractures in her femur. Couldn't do surgery yesterday because she had already taken her blood thinner.  First thing this morning she was in surgery - now has a rod and a screw (as far as I've been told) in her leg.  She'll be in the hospital for several days and then off to rehab.  When you're 81 things take longer to heal and she already seems very fragile.  I was set to take her dinner today like usual on her cancer treatment day, but didn't turn out to be needed.  I so worry about her. 

So, between the alarm, the fertilizing, the power outage, the texts and all the things, I was a bit frazzled.  Alarm thing required a new password which needed me to make note of it in a secure place before I lost track of things.  It was 11 a.m. (been up since 5:30) before I managed to get my hair done and my clothes on.  I called the woman at the alarm company back and said that now the alarm was making this strange beeping noise, only to realize (while on the phone with her) that the beeping was the refrigerator telling me its power had been interrupted.  Sheesh.  Embarrassed.

But I got ready in time for our Thursday lunch with our friends.  I so love this association and am grateful every day for their kindness and willingness to spend time with us.

I'll include a many-times-cropped picture taken through the family room window of the squirrel providing its daily entertainment at the feeder.  Pretty soon it'll be time to get more seed cakes. 

Cute squirrel.

The fires are so scary.  But it's much cooler today and the humidity is higher, we had some rain overnight which always helps.  Those firefighters deserve a special spot in heaven, IMO.  

Sunday is the sacrament meeting that they call the "music testimony meeting".  Whoever in the congregation wants to, comes to the pulpit, tells why a certain hymn is meaningful to them and then we sing one verse together.  It can be and has been a very powerful meeting.  Music is a wonderful blessing.  I'm on the organ Sunday.  This particular kind of meeting is stressful and a lot of pressure for the organist and chorister (no way to know ahead of time what to practice) - something that no one seems to consider.  I hope I make it through with dignity and grace because I'm certain mistakes will be made.  Just hope I can cover them up well enough to make them less intrusive.

Today my most gratitude is for repentance. I have surely needed to avail myself of it the last little while.  I'm such a flawed and selfish person.  Our days the next while will include visits to the hospital and then the rehab place, I hope it isn't too far away, she'll need some visitors for sure.  

Restless

 Both of us - The Husband and me - are restless.  I try to get us out every day at least somewhere.  I run out of places / ideas pretty quick.  Neither one of us is big on shopping (I very much dislike spending $) and there's only so many places to go that aren't sweltering hot (it's August and we're in a heat dome) or a store of some kind.  Today's only outing was over to the car wash which took hardly any time at all.  The car feels better, but the both of us are still a bit restless.  

Over the last while, I've managed to get us to IKEA (cool inside for meandering around), Target (also cool and managed to only spend $13), Nuttall's fabrics (pretty much a waste of time - we are all still mourning the demise of JoAnn's) and Pine Needles (I felt like a kid in a candy store - wanted at least one of everything). One of these days it'll be the grocery.  Tomorrow will be the temple.  Thursdays are often lunch with our friends and Friday is another wide open day. 

I've books to read (and another two coming to me today) and towels to embroider, crocheting to do and a couple cross-stitch projects.  I remarked that I've never had so many unfinished projects, I've worked hard my whole life to finish one thing before starting another.  Frankly, it's just too hot to crochet with yarn in the summertime.  All of that means I do have plenty to occupy my time.  (And those are all just the luxury things I fit in around the household management.) Those are all pretty solitary pursuits.  Which leaves my sweet Husband on his own trying to find stuff to do.  The iPad and Play Station help.  But he, understandably, gets tired of those.  Road trips aren't really an option.  

Besides feeling a bit restless, I worry.  There's so much to be concerned about.  Little seems to be resolved as the days go on, little is under my control.  Lots to care about, figure out and fuss over.  I'm apparently good at only one thing - worry.  (I'm currently worrying about how much it's going to cost us for those nuclear stress/rest tests on our hearts. Don't exactly know how we'll pay for those.)

We continue our morning walks.  This morning's sighting was a deer and the fox.  I was
quite a distance from the fox, got a few pictures.  Cropped means the pictures are less clear than I like, but Mr. Fox wasn't letting me get  any closer. The hibiscus are among the few plants that are currently blooming - that heat thing again. 

Saturday we lunched out.  The Husband is still in the mode of eating out - that was our habit after our shift at the Bishop's Storehouse.  He always is trying to eat out so I don't have to fix so many meals.  I had a craving for a hamburger, we rarely have those.  So off we went.  I tried to not feel guilty or sinful (that heart thing, still waiting for the test results, consultation with the cardiologist isn't for weeks still).  I keep reminding myself that we're doing our best.  That's all that's required, right? So Five Guys it was.  I love their fresh fries and that fact that I can customize my burger.  All I had was a small burger and half (well, maybe I snarfed a bit more than my half) of the small fry order.  I was miserable the rest of the day and overnight.  I simply cannot eat as much as I used to.  

It's a good thing I really enjoy being at home.  I think I've caught up on lots of stuff lately.  Spent some time on the phone yesterday trying to get Cody to come give us a firm bid and precise measurement for the laundry room window replacement.  It's time.  Then it'll be the fireplace if I can find someone to do the work. After I get the ceiling paint fixed from the water mark then it'll be on to concentrated weeding-out, decluttering, getting-rid-of.  I try but my oomph for that sort of thing is gone by the time I'm done with the regular stuff. 

Today, I'm grateful for so much.  For the ability to still do things that are enjoyable.  I actually am still looking for at least a tiny bit of joy in every day.  I'm very grateful for our home and that it seems to be currently safe from all the fires that abound throughout the world.  My heart breaks for those who have lost homes.  I'm so grateful for the ability to cool our house, be comfortable.  And be able to pay for that comfort. I'm grateful for repentance.  I need it so much.  I really want to be a better person, work hard at it, sometimes my feistiness spills out in spite of my desire to control it and than I feel awful that I didn't behave better.  I'm grateful for omeprazole to settle my stomach. (Cardiologist lecture notwithstanding, I've been too miserable trying to do without it.  Her arena is the heart.  Leave my constantly unhappy stomach alone.) I'm even grateful for the new brushes to clean the toilets.  It's always a good day to be grateful.

Another Thursday

And we got to go to lunch with our friends.  I know Thursdays won't always contain some time with them, but when it does, I'm ever grateful for them.  Our world is very small, meals out with them makes it feel less so.

I'm working hard at being positive and not complaining.  But I think I will always complain about the heat.  This heat dome / heat wave or whatever you want to call it is exhausting.  I'm fearful (when am I not?) about the electricity (air conditioning) bill and the water bill. They remind us all the time to be careful with the water because of our ongoing drought.  We try.  But then they also tell us to be sure to keep the trees watered because the trees are so beneficial.  It's tough to know how much is the right amount.  So many people are replacing grass with rock (doesn't need watering or maintenance) but I'm loathe to do so. Rock absorbs and radiates so much heat in an already hot season.  And maybe that makes us need more air conditioning?  I don't have any answers.  Only know that I dislike summer, have always disliked summer and will probably always dislike summer because of the heat. 

We've had a quieter week.  My headaches are diminishing and the tylenol is helping somewhat with my back pain as long as I'm consistent in taking it.  We didn't make it to the temple yesterday, I'll try again next week.  But I have managed to make some progress on my embroidery and reading. Summer isn't really a good time for evening tv, which we grow accustomed to in the winter.  Thank heavens for Netflix.  I haven't the patience to sort through the thousands of offerings on Amazon.  

I'm admittedly besotted with our daughter's cat.  When our daughter and grandson are at work, the kitty will seek us out - not always to lap sit, but just often to perch near us.  She's a great comfort and peace-bringer.  

Rising moon

Our walk the other morning found us watching a couple foxes merrily cavort through the big field.  I tried and tried to take a picture, but they were far off, and when you zoom to get a good picture then try to crop it nothing comes out but fuzzies. We watched them for several minutes.  Made my heart happy to see them.  The Husband chatted with a man on his porch - told him we'd seen the foxes and the man said they come around there every week or so.  Such a delight to these city-dwellers.

The bird feeder has a new cake of seed and berries on it.  I warned The Husband that the squirrels would go through it pretty quick, they love that kind of thing.  Sure, enough, it took the squirrel no time at all to find it and have a good breakfast.  I suspect we'll be back at the bird center soon for a re-supply.

And I did purchase a Butterfinger.  Got a two-pack so I can share.  Apparently all that was necessary was that I have one in my possession.  Haven't yet eaten it and it's been days.  I'm savoring owning it until I can savor the taste.  I guess I'm big on anticipation.

Tuesday night, ten p.m.  The Husband says come, now.  So I grabbed my slip on shoes and headed out back.  The moon was just rising and it was stunning.  The picture makes it look brighter out than it was, it was actually pretty dark out.  But so beautiful.  And I was so happy The Husband shared it with me.  One of the few times I was happy he's in and out late at night checking on the world. 

Today I'm grateful for friends that don't ghost or ignore us.  For beautiful moon rises.  For wildlife around this town that reminds us of our Creator and the gift of beauty that surrounds us.  I'm grateful for good books to read (and an abundance to choose from), for kitties that make me feel important.  And, oh, yes:  I'm grateful for ice cream.  Trying to be careful how much / how often we have it, but rationalize that it's good for my bones. 😊

So...

I told The Husband this morning I'm a mess (physically).  At least I feel like one.  I have felt better.  

Our nuclear stress/rest test the other day?  Made me feel worse for a while.  This morning was the first morning since then that I woke up without a headache.  The morning after the test, I picked something up off the floor - extreme dizziness ensued.  Seriously, fasting for so long and without water for so long and then the test itself, well, it took more out of me than I expected.  I actually spent that entire day just sitting because I hadn't the energy to even focus on my book.  I'm glad I'm just back to the normal pain (back, hands, knees - all that arthritis (and stenosis) stuff.  Tylenol is what is allowed now (not ibuprofen) and I'm having to tell myself all the time that it is helping.  Pep talk for sure. How The Husband weathers these kinds of things with such ease and aplomb is a mystery.

Still thinking about that awful waitress.  It is completely and totally wrong for the wait staff to take their tip before giving you your change back.  It wasn't her money until we gave it to her (and a tip is not a bill, obligation or demand, it is given by the customer).  She took what wasn't (yet) hers. Makes me kind of angry just thinking about the gutty behavior.

But this morning I felt well enough for a walk.  We left in 71 degrees which felt nice compared to what it's been.  (I'm mentally shuddering when I think about what our air conditioning and water bills are going to be.)  The sky was lovely.  And then we saw a momma deer and her two babies.  So fun!

We did a little field trip yesterday afternoon - something to fill the very long afternoons - over to IKEA and walked around.  Cool inside, non-tripping walkway, fun things to look at and we walked away with a box of cookies.  Win all around.

Today is July 24 - Pioneer Day.  The celebration of the day the pioneers came to settle this valley.  We didn't go to the parade.  Didn't even watch it on tv.  I'm fine avoiding the crowds.  I have a new-to-me dinner recipe to try on Sunday, a new cookie bar recipe to try (yup, going to do it even though we're supposed to avoid sweets) and that means a trip to the grocery tomorrow.  That will be plenty enough crowds for me. 

I'm grateful today for a decent movie to watch this afternoon, we both enjoyed it.  I'm grateful for a couple books to read - always will be my favorite.  Grateful for a sewing project to enjoy over the next while.  Grateful for the still functional clips on the broken attachments for the strap on my purse.  Not anxious to buy either a new strap or a new purse.  One attachment has been broken for over a year but now they're both kaput.  I'll continue to use it until the right replacement comes along. I'm really glad that we're able to stay at home and enjoy being here.  

And as I proof-read this I'm struck by how mundane our lives seem.  Or perhaps it is my reporting.  I've got to do better.

Thinking

I'm always thinking.  I probably am too much inside my head.  

So Sunday was the anniversary of our being sealed in the temple - 54 years.  I wasn't in the mood to be in our ward so I got tickets and we took Trax (does that count as not keeping the Sabbath holy?) downtown to see the Choir on Temple Square do their regular live Sunday morning broadcast.  Not sure we've ever done that before and I thoroughly enjoyed it.  They open the doors an hour early, and the audience sits through a dress rehearsal.  Then there's a fifteen minute pre-show, this one was hosted by Thurl Bailey all 6'11" of him.  He polled the audience and fully 50% were from out of state, and a bunch more were from out of the country.  It felt odd to not applaud between numbers but everyone was totally respectful of the rules.  I am so glad we did that.  Watching on tv doesn't even remotely compare to being there in person.  Nothing beats live music.  

Temple square is beautiful, always.  This hibiscus was only a random sample, not the largest blossom by any means, and so pretty. And the temple looks more normal without all the scaffolding surrounding it.  The black fencing around the temple itself is really pretty.  Some landscaping has occurred so the whole square looks better even though there's still construction fencing around a lot of it. 

This morning was our nuclear stress/rest test - as a result of our heart calcium test.  I nearly lost it when we arrived to check-in and were told our co-pay was $420.  Apiece.  (We'll be setting up a payment plan once the insurance company does its thing.) I could feel my stress level go through through the roof.  I started shaking, the intake woman asked me something - something about the dr. - who I'm still so hesitant about; I just feel so unseen from our one visit with her. Before I knew it, a couple tears had escaped to run down my cheeks and then I was completely embarrassed.  Felt even more upset because I was certain my blood pressure was going to be taken and it would be ugly.  Nearly two hours later when we left the hospital I felt a bit better.  The test wasn't too awful, though not my favorite.  I'm still a bit trembly and my head still aches - but then I went in with a fierce headache.  I'm not really prone to headaches until lately since we've been on the statin.  But fasting - especially with no water really does give me a bad headache.  They provided caffeinated drinks after because experience has proven that caffeine really helps the test-induced headache.  I could only manage about 1/3 of a can of Mtn. Dew.  But snarfed the Lorna Doones and Oreos quicker than I could think. 

We were both hungry (no breakfast) so we had a rare treat of a meal at Penny Ann's Cafe. I'm sure it was totally bad for us but at that point I didn't really care.  My waffle had bits of bacon in

the batter (they weren't as plentiful as I would have liked) and The Husband always loves their Banana Bread French Toast.  (I will never understand - and this is totally personal and without judgement - how anyone can like whipped cream.  Not my thing, feels like I'm just eating sugary fat.) If we go back to Penny Ann's- which I hope we will at some point, I think I'll refuse to have that particular waitress.  No.  She wasn't good.  

Saw a squirrel at the feeder yesterday evening, which made me happy.  We bought some attractant for the wasp trap.  They're invading the hummingbird feeder.  That surprises me because we're paying what feels like too much money for bug/insect/flying critter elimination.  But this will be an easy fix.  Going to make sure The Husband prepares it with gloves on, don't want that stuff on his hands. 

Last Thursday was our Hale tickets to Our Town.  We could have skipped that play and I would have been fine.  It's dialogue heavy, very sparse as to stage sets, and the message seems ill-conveyed IMO.  But it was a night out and that's always good for us.  We should probably be around people more than we are.  And I'd be good with that as long as it isn't at some medical facility / medical people.

I'm grateful today - very much so - that this dreaded test is over.  Whatever the results, we'll figure it out.  Since we haven't had any symptoms of heart issues (except for our elevated cholesterol) my hope is that the statin will be sufficient.  I was frankly, kind of mentally terrified about this test.  I'm so grateful that we made it through without a single issue.  The staff was so very kind.  They don't typically have two people in together (one person seemed quite surprised that both of us were in for the same test) and I think they actually enjoyed being busy swapping us back and forth - kept them busy and I think it went faster.  I'm always saying how grateful I am for our air conditioning, and I'm concerned about how much this is costing us, but I do wilt in the heat.  I sleep better with the windows closed when it's allergy season (from April through October).   We had some thunder and lightning overnight, made me grateful the windows were closed which meant I didn't have to get up and run around keeping the rain out. I'm grateful for a kind friend who reached out and said she was wishing us well before the test.  It's nice to feel like I matter if even only a little bit.

Mid Week

And for some reason it feels like Saturday to me.  

Our daughter and son-in-law came to visit.  Drove four hours, stayed a few hours and then drove four more hours home again.  It was lovely to see them.  I got to go to lunch (sorry that one of us had a lousy lunch and I'm still miserable from the onions - but I know to expect onion misery when I eat at a Mexican restaurant) with my two daughters.  Moms really need their daughters.  I love to see them enjoying each other.  So very much long for that with / for our sons.  

This morning's walk found me finishing it all by my lonesome.  The Husband wasn't feeling good enough so he came home.  I ended up running into a woman I've long admired and we had a lovely chat.  She's gracious and kind and a wonderful mother.  I have marveled all day long how much that meant to me, that she seemed content to stand on the side of the road for 20 minutes or so and just talk.  Women need women friends.  Even those who are rarely seen.  

We've had the squirrel (is it Earl or Myrtle) in the yard.  This picture was taken through the window and then cropped and cropped so it isn't its crispest.  Initially was annoyed that it was eating so much of the bird food but finally decided I didn't really care.  I'm not scaring off the little critter.  He's welcome here.

There's another huge party next door.  Music has been so loud it's hard to think.  But I suspect it'll be over earlier (and likely without the police presence) than last time. Roughly five more years and those boys will all be on to college, etc.  Looking forward to it.

We've an anniversary coming up - 54 years ago we were sealed in the temple, including our oldest daughter (three months old at the time).   We had wanted to take a weekend away, but no.  I've made a reservation at Cheesecake Factory and the gift card The Husband has will be enjoyed.  He's my forever.

I'm grateful again today for the kindness of that friend I saw on the trail.  Grateful that my two daughters evidenced enjoyment to be together for the afternoon.  Grateful for good books to read, for insurance that will hopefully pay for the echocardiogram we both had, grateful for (expensive) water enough to keep our trees alive and grateful for the luxury of leaving the air conditioning on all night long when it feels too hot to sleep. 

New Week

Monday.  Started with my morning walk, The Husband decided to answer the pillow call.  I thought I'd be smart and do the walk I wanted in reverse, the plan was to avoid the bicyclists.  There is a large club that meets at the school near us - most weekday mornings they set off in groups, generally heading up the trail we often use.  There are usually a couple hundred of them.  They are having fun, good for them.  They are anything but considerate and careful of the people walking.  This seems to be a trait of the bikers around here in general.  

But, my plan was foiled.  Whatever it was, the timing was just right for me to be coming down the trail as  all couple hundred of them were heading up.  I was loving my personal alone time, being thoughtful and prayerful.  Only to be interrupted at least a hundred times to reply to the "good morning" that was tossed my direction.  Had to step off the trail several times to not be run over - they take up the entire width - no regard for anyone else utilizing the pavement. 

And...it was 84 degrees when I left the house.  One of those days when the clouds hold in the heat.  Was super happy I'd left the air conditioning on overnight. 

Wanted to post a picture I took of the fox we saw yesterday morning.  It's been at least a year since the last sighting.  I took a bunch of pictures - this was the best one, he was far across the horse pasture. I love his white-tipped tail.  

Today feels kind of odd / off.  First week in many, many weeks I'm not taking dinner to my friend on her cancer treatment day.  The Bishop visited her, the result was a Relief Society online sign up to take her dinner every treatment day and vacuum once a month.  She sternly told me I would not be vacuuming her house, not with my back. And the sign up for meals was filled within a couple hours.  It's kind of a relief.  But kind of sad.  I still feel like they think I wasn't doing enough.  But whatever, I get that service mostly includes some kind of sacrifice.  Was my sacrifice sufficient?  

Fast meeting was pretty good yesterday.  Most people expressing gratitude for this country.  Yes, it is flawed and troubled, just like the people.  But I would not want to live anywhere else. I did notice that most everyone bearing testimony was of a certain age - none of the young people.  I guess it takes some life experience to truly appreciate what this country has to offer.  I hope genuine patriotism endures.

I'm holding off on changing cardiologists.  I think she is qualified.  But I was left quite frustrated by her lack of interest in anything I had to say, in hearing my concerns or questions.  We've been diligent with our statins - the first time in my life I've had to take any kind of maintenance medication (and yes, I'm conflicted about it).  But so far there've been no noticeable side effects - thankfully.  More tests to come but those are to be expected - information is valuable and a baseline is important.  After our next appointment it might be decision time.

Today's gratitude?  For being born in this country.  The few times I've had the luxury of traveling out of it, I am always beyond happy to be back, I always get a huge sense of relief to be "home". I'm grateful for people who reach out to say hi to someone they haven't seen in a while.  Everyone needs to be acknowledged. I'm grateful for good medical care (and insurance to help with that), doctors have always been scary for me mostly because I grew up with such health challenged parents. I'm grateful for some song lyrics that were shared with me last week that so touched my heart, made me feel cared for. And for the kind offer to spend part of the 4th of July with us.  I'll always wish for more inclusion and care, but never ever want to inconvenience anyone in any way. (And truthfully, it was fine - too hot to go anywhere and I dislike causing people to have to work on a holiday.) I'm also grateful for the chance to try again today, and every day, to be the person that I'm certain our Heavenly Father wants me to be.  It is an ongoing (yes, willing) journey for me. 

Thursday

 Went to lunch with our friends.  I enjoyed the food and the company.  Sometimes I think I'm a tiny bit starved for social interaction.  But I'm picky: it must be with people I like and not a situation that makes me anxious.

Finished another book - our morning walk tomorrow will be to the library to return the one I finished.  Thankfully, I have a stack of several that I can choose from.  I so enjoy reading.

Saw this deer on our walk the other morning.  Saw another one today - feels kind of like we're seeing more of them lately.  

And my shirt?  I've had this shirt since before we moved into this house and we've been here for 25 years.  I keep wearing, washing and ironing it, but as is obvious from this area around the collar (and it is a representative pic of several identical areas on this shirt) it is truly nearly worn out.  The print is faded, there are a couple un-removable stains, but I don't care, I keep wearing it.

And really, I don't have a whole lot to say here.  Was doing a couple other things on my computer and decided to write a couple things.  It'll be the 4th of July, our National Holiday in a couple days.  We don't have any plans.  I always wish for invitations or people to do things with.  After being married for 55 years, you'd expect I'd be used to spending all the holidays just with our own little family.  Our family which grew from the two of us into six members and has shrunk again to just the two of us.  Then again, I'm not fond of crowds or noise or obligations and am not really up to lots of work (prep, hosting and clean up).  So I'm conflicted - as I so often am in life. Dislike feeling invisible but also dislike saying "yes" when I really want to say "no".   Bottom line is I guess I'm really ok spending the day here at home with The Husband.  We'll hopefully see our daughter and grandson at some point in the
day and that will be just right.   Netflix and Amazon Prime have been our go-to lately.  😊

They seem to be getting a handle - albeit small - on the Cottonwood Fire.  Fires scare me.  Droughts scare me. The two together are a tiny bit alarming to me.  Was asked yesterday if I was nervous about something specific, my response was that I'm always nervous about everything.  Haha, but yes, truly.

I'm grateful today for kindness that is extended to us - from anyone.  I like to see that there is still kindness in the world, even for old people that are seeing diminishing abilities.  And I'm grateful that it is finally July - only a couple more months of seriously hot weather.  Hoping for some summer monsoon to kick in - we need the moisture so badly.  I'm grateful the grass is more green than crispy, even as we baby it with only minor increased amounts of water. And I'm grateful for our country, flawed though it is, flawed as the leaders can be, divided as it is.  It is and can be again, a great country.