It's Been A While

Almost crocus in a nearby yard.

And it's been an interesting week.  After my visit to the hospital Monday evening I thought I was well on the road to recovery.  Instead I found myself mentally rebelling each time I took my medicine.  It made me sicker.  And then, I reacted to the medication.  My reaction was the one at the top of the list of warnings that included the additional warning if this thing occurs to stop taking the medicine and see your doctor.  Great relief accompanied my decision to stop the medication.  I managed to go to a play rehearsal and help clean the church building without too much discomfort.

View from our back gate Sat. 8:30 a.m.

Then just over 24 hours later my headache, earaches and teethaches returned with a vengeance, growing worse as time passed.  Ended up at the insta-care.  Another medication.  We'll see how this one works.  So far, so good:  teeth hurting - gone.  Headache and earaches greatly diminished.

I feel like I lost a week.  No energy (nor desire) to be part of the human condition.  Did nothing but lay around.  (Or is that lie around?  I'll never ever get that one right.) I was ornery, irritable and downright miserable.  And no fun to be around.

Exacerbating it all was my underlying unhappiness about being booted from primary.  My head understands all the whys-and-wherefores, my heart - not so much.  I know I'll be fine, I'm just grumpy about it.

Each weekend finds me reading a newspaper column - I'm not sure exactly how to describe what her column is about, but I always find something of value in what she writes.  This last one was about buying a fixer-upper-of-a-house and fulfilling its potential.  I loved this accompanying picture.

It got me to thinking about potential.  And if I'm selling my potential short.  Am I capable of more/better?  Of course I am.  As are we all.  Am I worth the effort required to fulfill my potential? Absolutely.   I'm grateful there are those who care enough to look past my sometimes less than gracious exterior to find some beauty in my underlying structure. And for the Atonement of our Savior that paid the ultimate price for all my shortcomings.

I'm grateful today for those who said kind things to me about my time (this last time around) in Primary.  For a kind soul who trekked all the way across the chapel to share some chatter and giggles with me. I'm grateful for little ones in Primary who unabashedly delight in singing at the top of their lungs (I will miss them).  I'm grateful for unselfishness.  For water and for sunshine.  And for medicine to clear up infections. And for someone that never ceases to convey to me that I am his treasure (I'll do my best to live up to that potential).

Bad News, Good News

Yes, I know.  Usually it's good news then the bad news.  But I'm a happy ending kind of a gal, so I always choose to end with the good.

Had a lovely chat with our neighbor this morning.  The Primary president.  I'm feeling much better about losing my spot on the Sr. Primary piano bench.  It will be just fine. Nice to live next door to a bit of kindness.  And it was so lovely to stand on the driveway and hear the chickadees in the trees. I love their song.

Soon to be fragrant daffodils

The Husband needed to get out and luxuriate in this stunningly beautiful day so we headed out for a quick bite.  Then took a quick walk-about the front yard.  Spring is popping out all over.  Never mind that it is barely the middle of February and by the calendar should still be winter.  The bulbs are coming up.  The climbing roses are greeting the sun and this silly little English Daisy has actually bloomed a fresh flower.  The tree guy we had out yesterday recommended we deep water the trees. We have a ton of time and cash invested in those trees.  I'd hate to lose a single one of them.

Love those English Daisies

The bad news:  that nasty antibiotic makes me sick (it's actually one of the listed side effects).  Think of the worst stomach bug ever. That's how I feel.  All the time!  Reminds me of my pregnancies. 11 more days of pills.  I'm counting them down.

The good news:  I'm feeling so much better.  My headache is virtually gone.  My cough practically nonexistent. My ears (and teeth) no longer ache.  I'm on the mend and so grateful for improvement.

Today I'm grateful for lunches out.  For kindness wherever it peeks through.  For hugs.  For carrots to feed the neighbors' horses.  For sunshine.

The Last Four Days...

Have definitely been interesting.  We spent Friday evening at the Symphony - so loved the performance and the music.  Saw lots of people we know that night - which I always find so interesting.  This is a smallish valley, compared to the scope of the world.  The portion that we inhabit even smaller - there are lots of people who live here.  I'm always surprised when we run into someone we know when we're out and about.

Valentine's Day was satisfying.  I received some valentines and some valentine's texts.  Plus my craving for a Corner Bakery Salad and a Harmon's gelato shake were fulfilled. I loved it.

Prescription help.

Yesterday found me on the couch the entire day.  Poor Husband, it was a holiday.  Not only did he not get to recreate in any way, he ended up driving me to the hospital to see a dr.  Diagnosis:  acute sinusitis.  Result:  antibiotics and nasal decongestant spray.  I hope to never ever have a headache like that again.  (This is one thing I know about my body - whenever I get that particular kind of headache something needs a doctor's attention.)  Last night's headache was an 8 on a scale of 1-10.  After only one dose of antibiotic it is down to about a 4.  Huge improvement.  Stomach has settled down some and I actually got some sleep.

Received a visit from a friend and her Mom yesterday.  This sweet girl drew me a card, complete with a smile, and a piano and hug.  I shall miss seeing her in Primary.

And yep, I'm released from playing the piano in Sr. Primary.  With much sadness.  Our ward is large, my contribution small.  Someone else needed that calling more than me.  (At least that's what I tell myself.) I now join the ranks of those who go to church without callings - who attend because they want to be there.  That is really the best and most perfect reason to attend - because we want to. Because we know that's where we should be, because we have a testimony of the divinity of Jesus Christ and the restored gospel.  Still, it is nice to be recognized, valued and wanted.

Today I'm feeling much gratitude.  For the medical profession that has tools to alleviate my pain and heal the infection.  For a renewed awareness of the blessing of good health.  For health insurance to pay for the help I needed. For pretty daffodil plants.  For a husband who is anxious to attend to my happiness.  If it was required of him to move heaven and earth to help me I believe he'd figure out a way.  What a blessing he is in my life.

Thursday Odds and Ends

He'll look so cute!

• Headed out this morning for a baby gift.  The baby things are 50% off and I have a coupon for an additional 30% off.  I wasn't the only one amongst the baby aisles with a smile on my face.  Even better - I found a couple things for myself and The Husband.  Every single thing I bought was on sale - then my additional 30% off coupon.  I'm not fond of shopping - or of spending money - but I'm ridiculously pleased with today's finds.

• I have a "thing".  Actually several "things" but one that is at the forefront right now.  I must send out "incompetent" vibes or something resembling incompetence. The thing is: people like to boss me around.  Over the course of my life I've recognized it as one of my earthly challenges and one I somewhat rebel against. It's like people seem to think I just sprang into being seconds before they met me and I must be educated.

I've been directed, disciplined (unnecessarily so), taught, told and instructed.  Even as recently as yesterday.  Even at 60+ years.  How I ever managed to get to this advanced age without others' intervention is beyond me. Can I just say:  I don't like it.

Wearing out.  :^(

• Which reminds me of this sentence I read (and like):  "I look at expectations as agreements between two people that only one person knows about."   -- Chantelle Fairburn.  Perhaps I should re-think my expectations.

• Some years ago I was gifted this little backpack as a souvenir from their Hawaii trip.  It's been a frequent companion of mine - across town and across the country, I've shouldered it often.  I discovered that I'm wearing it out.  The straps are fraying and soon will part.  I will be sad when this perfect size / perfect material gift is no longer useable.

• Received a text from someone expressing gladness in their heart. And gratitude.  What a delightful lift to my heart.

And today I'm feeling grateful for those who are patient with me - and kind even when I'm prickly.   For warm hands that give me heavenly foot rubs.  For expressions of glad hearts.  For emails and texts from both daughters that lift my spirits.  For those who forgive.  And especially today:  for sunshine in February!

Tuesday's Tiny Treasures

Not a lot going on today, but I have come across a few things that my heart likes.

• Remembered the other day I stopped by a friend's house (was giving her one of my baby orchids) and she came to the door with a dish towel over her shoulder.  One of a set I embroidered and gave her for her birthday a year ago.  What warmth in my heart to find she's actually using them - I loved it!

• Went visiting teaching this morning - we have a new sister - and thoroughly enjoyed our visit.  She was warm and welcoming, we discussed gospel principles and left after a quick hug.  Delightful!

• The Husband received a call.  Was there, by chance, a pair of sunglasses in the back of our car from our get-together the other night?  Sure enough.  I well know that feeling when something important goes missing. How great to help facilitate the finding of something lost.  (Although it was really The Husband who did the actual finding.)

• Gave another orchid baby to my visiting teaching partner.  She seemed quite pleased.  Especially when I mentioned that it is now hers to do with as she pleases.  (I think she was concerned about killing it and how I'd feel-which I reassured her was a complete non-issue.)  I hope she enjoys it for as little or much as she wants.

• I've been working on the songs for the R. S. "do" that is upcoming.  Slowly I'm learning them. I'll have them conquered and ready to go.  I'm grateful for the opportunity to learn something new.

• Stopped at the grocery and just stood and let my eyes (and soul) be filled with the beauty of the flowers of this earth.  This was only a small portion of the wall of color that so captivated me.

Today I'm grateful for a good night's sleep.  For knowing that if I'm missing my morning walk it is for a good thing. For colors! For abundance.  And for repentance.

The Last Three Days

Have been kind of a mixed bag.  Mostly fairly good things going on, with the exception of some really heartbreaking news we received last night.

Sunrise.

Our friend (and tax guru) was taken to the hospital on Saturday night.  Surgery performed yesterday with dismal results/news.  He has a cancer tumor in his brain.  Radiation and chemo will begin next week but that is only expected to buy him a little time.  I visit teach his wife.

Whatever otherwise good feeling we had over the weekend has been totally eclipsed by this dreadfulness. Especially knowing the sad times still to come from this.

I was feeling pretty good about a little unexpected tender mercy we received.  We took the Charger in for its inspections and service.  Also for re-programming of my key fob.  (The one that caused me such distress when I had to retrieve something from the car several months ago - when I set off the alarm.) Apparently there was a bad chip in the fob - absolutely no communication with the car from it.  Had to replace the fob.  Normal cost:  $200-$225 for the fob with an additional $25 programming fee.  Our bottom line:  free.  They called it a "good will" replacement and charged us nothing.  I was so grateful.  We were already in the hundreds of dollars for the service.  It was huge to me that they just routinely spread their good will our way.

But all that good will pales in comparison to our friends' plight.  It is such numbing news.

We enjoyed our time out with our friends seeing a bad movie and having a good dinner.  I particularly enjoyed the reception I got from my sweet little friend when I entered Primary.  I got hugs and chatter and her full attention.  My soul was delighted.

This pretty campanula seems to be ok with where it lives in our house.  No blooms have been lost and its color is still lovely even after having moved from the store to our home.  It has such a sweet scent, I love it.

This morning's walk came complete with mild temperatures (still concerned about our environment come summer) abundant wind and a beautiful sunrise.  The bonus:  The Husband walked over to meet me on the return leg of my trip.  Fabulous!

Found this penny, picked it up, shared with a friend we met along the way and wished her much luck through the day.

Today I'm grateful for relationships.  For the chance to help (in some very small way) my sister-friend as she travels this difficult road. For a loving Heavenly Father who has things well in hand.  For prayer.

Beautiful Morning - Yesterday

7:30 a.m. Thursday morning, looking west as the moon is going behind the mountains.  Makes me smile to see.

Wednesday Morning in Pictures

Only a few lower clouds left by this time.

(But before I get into Wednesday morning, I just want to say: texting someone late at night (like after 11:00) isn't thoughtful.)

Headed out this morning a bit later than usual. What a difference a half hour makes in the morning. It isn't my first choice to be over by the middle and high schools at the commencement of the educational day - but it's better than not getting out at all and I had a book I needed to return to the library, so off I went.

By the front door of the library - some new friends.

Idyllic looking setting for sunrise.

Decided kids who walk to school are a rarity.  Felt a twinge of sympathy for the middle schooler whose Mom stood at the crosswalk by the school (she had walked her child to school and I applaud her spending time with her child, walking and talking together is a great thing!) yelling at the top of her lungs (yes, really really loud, she's a Mom after all), "Honey, I love you.  I miss you!"  This child has only been away from the Mom's side for maybe 45 seconds - yep, still crossing the street.  Maybe that's some kind of inside/family joke? I'm just glad it wasn't me being yelled at, I'd be embarrassed. But that's just me and I know I don't look at things the same way others do.

Definite buds - spring signs.

Came home full of things to tell The Husband who brightened my day by walking out to meet me on the trail - reading a book.  Two of my very favorite things to do and I enjoy them even more when combined.  I can't sip a drink, or eat anything while I'm walking but I totally love reading and walking at the same time.

And those eggs?  Every once in a while, I'll open the fridge for an egg and suddenly find them with personalities!  The Husband waits for my giggle after he's decorated them. Things are never dull around here.

And today, I'm finding gratitude in puttering around here.  Also for free e-books.  For spontaneous lunches out.  For lunches out with friends to look forward to, for my beautiful piano. And for every single sunrise that holds the promise of the gift of another day.

Tuesday Already (And I'm Full Of Parenthetical Thoughts)

Some days I'm not sure where the time goes!  It feels like just earlier today that we headed to Leatherby's for that chocolate shake I've been craving.  It was, in actuality, Saturday. (It went too fast - I need another, if only I could afford the sugar / calories!)

And I'm ready to finish that nap I started Sunday afternoon (how I love the early church schedule!) after finishing up the latest Jeffrey Holland book (it was fabulous).

I have enjoyed the last two mornings on the trail.  Yesterday's was complete with drizzle (so grateful for my slicker).  Today's was filled with greetings from the robins and finches.  (Also a stunning view of the moonset that was impossible to capture with my phone camera, try though I did.)

I love the starkness of the leafless branches against the morning sky - the robins who sit like decorations in the trees.  It was a lovely way to meet the day.

I've been wrestling in my head.  My discouragement has been grappling with my determination.  Just when I think I've conquered my self-doubt, pinning down my thoughts of inadequacy, I get tossed out of the circle into the outskirts of hope.  Where, frankly, the environment is more pleasant.

It seems like there's just enough going on that I'm constantly questioning my abilities, my place (in the family / ward / world / universe), my life's mission and anything else I could question.  Leaving me tired and cranky.  My words have been a tad less than kind to the one who deserves all my kindness all the time.  And then I feel ashamed of myself.

I guess all of this is normal - the process of growing and learning throughout our lives.  But, seriously, why can't I just learn something once and be done with it?  (And remember to do things better the next time?)

I think I must have a case of the February blahs.  The month when we're caught doing what is dictated by others: car license renewals (including the accompanying inspections, etc.) meeting with our tax guy/friend so we can file our taxes (which means endless rounding up of documents that we thought we kept all together (or did we just intend to keep them together?) throughout the year so we could avoid this unpleasantness).

I think I'm just frustrated and out-of-sorts.  I want to be magic and just snap my fingers or wiggle my nose or nod my head and have things accomplished.

In spite of my off-kilter mood there are still things to be grateful for.  I am grateful for chocolate shakes.  They are as good for my head as they are for my mouth.  I'm grateful for inspiring words to carry me through the grumps.  I'm grateful for trips to look forward to (I'm thinking of going in to the office with The Husband when next he goes - a couple days in a different setting can do wonders for me.) I'm grateful for our lovely home and that we get to spend our days together here.  And I'm grateful for The Husband's never-ending determination to provide for us, for his patience.  I'm grateful for laughter. (And yes, at the moment I'm feeling much better, thanks.)