Heartstrings

There are some days that come along that just tug at your heartstrings.  I've had a couple of those tugs today.

I received this very sweet card in the mail.  How lovely that someone thought to send a card to me, knowing that the death of a sibling is hard even though that sibling relationship might not be close.  It still is hard, there are regrets.

Tomorrow is our oldest son's birthday.  He sent these flowers to me, in the cutest jar - says Jardin on it (meaning garden).  I love flowers.  I love their happy faces and sweet scent.  I love how they brighten a room/yard. And I love that to me they represent life / hope.  Thanks, Son, Happy Birthday.

I took a deep breath, took my time and took a different route on my morning walk.  Ended up going about 4 1/2 miles.  The longest walk I've had since "the sprain/fracture" episode of last summer.  It was a delightful walk.  Heavenly Father surely blessed this world.

Last night we went to Hale and saw the cutest play - Beau Jest.  How fun it was to sit and laugh together about the foibles of human nature. I liked that there was an emphasis on honesty and forgiveness. (And when we picked up our tickets at "will call" The Husband made the young lady behind the counter laugh, she said it made her night better.  Even though I've heard that particular joke countless times, I was glad to hear it again if it made her smile.  Well done, My Love.)

 And I've been thinking a lot lately about agency.  And our experience on this earth.  I wonder if Heavenly Father watches us as we (hopefully) learn and grow.  Does He ache as He watches us stumble - make the wrong choices, hurt another (whether intentional or even when we might have good intentions, though they're totally misplaced), try to force our ideas or thoughts on others or try to make them agree with us or refuse to admit that we could possibly be wrong about something?

How grateful I am for that agency.  And for the repentance and gratitude that are an integral part of that agency.  For the knowledge that I only have to do my own very best and let others figure things out on their own - even when I might be the recipient of their thoughtlessness or unkindness. That lesson/knowledge often includes steps forward accompanied by steps back.  I like this quote.  I like the sense of hope that inspires.

Visit

Had a visit today from the Relief Society presidency, well, most of them.  It was fun to chat. I like that they're making an effort to visit each sister in her home since the formation of this new ward.  It must be challenging, all the time it takes.  But, there's something about women visiting with women. We adore our husbands, but at least in my mind, women still need women.

Stopped at the little chair at the store yesterday to have my blood pressure taken.  Having that done always makes me nervous, even when it's just me and a machine.  I can always feel my heart pounding.  I was so pleasantly surprised yesterday:  I'm normal!  For once in my life, I'm normal at something.  (This is the best my blood pressure has been in a while.) Must have been my sunrise walk.

And I came across this quote today that I like.  Beliefs are important, they can and should define us.  But it's what we do with those beliefs that makes the difference.

Tonight we're off to the play, what a delightful privilege it is to have that to look forward to.

I'm grateful for beliefs that keep me grounded. That encourage me to be kind, even when perhaps that kindness isn't necessarily warranted by the circumstances.  I really do know that that is what Heavenly Father wants for me, and for all of us, to be kind. To make sure my behavior (and to leave another's behavior in his/her own hands) is in alignment with my beliefs. I'm working on it.

Terrific Tuesday

At least I'm planning on a terrific day today.

I've been in my head a lot lately, thinking a lot, perhaps too much.  Lots of things that happen in this life (including death) can prompt a fair amount of introspection.

The safe (and not-flight-delayed) arrival of The Husband caused my world to right itself.  He makes me so happy.  We spent as much time together over the weekend as we could, just to "be" together.

Sunday required some more shoveling of snow, and I'm guessing by the end of today we might actually catch a glimpse of the grass again.

Yesterday I was so glad I opted to visit a friend in the hospital.  My visit ended with her receiving word she was going home that afternoon.  So glad I didn't delay the visit.  And frankly, I think the visit benefitted me more than her.  It was so delightful.  Then I walked over to the hospital pharmacy where another friend works.  She dropped everything to come out and share a few minutes of chat with me.  Then last night I received an email from a friend reaching out though we're many miles apart.  And I received this cutest card from some loved ones. I am so surrounded by the best people - those who are kind. I likely don't deserve their kindness and friendship but my heart swells in gratitude for them.

Doesn't she look fun?

Came across this obituary in the paper this morning.  I don't know this woman, but I immediately was drawn to this picture.  She looks almost like she's laughing - I wanted to share her happiness.  And then and there decided that obituary pictures should always be a picture of laughter.  (And yes, that's just my opinion.) What a delightful way to be remembered.

And I'm thinking that so far, the surfacing theme of this year is encouragement.  I seem to be looking for/finding it all around me.  Kind of goes with that underlying and ongoing principle of hope that I so love.

This is a great thought:

“God expects you to have enough faith and determination and enough trust in Him to keep moving, keep living, keep rejoicing. In fact, He expects you not simply to face the future (that sounds pretty grim and stoic); He expects you to embrace and shape the future--to love it and rejoice in it and delight in your opportunities.

God is anxiously waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams, just as He always has. But He can't if you don't pray, and He can't if you don't dream. In short, He can't if you don't believe.” 
― Jeffrey R. Holland

I'm grateful for this beautiful world, my walk in 16 degrees this morning was just the best!

The Best Part...

Love this view at the park.

The best part of today?  The Husband arrives late tonight!

Headed out early for a few things, so I didn't get my walk in this morning.  Deciding to mix things up I walked over to the library this afternoon.  46 degrees with varying amounts of sun that turned to mostly clouds, it was absolutely perfect for a stroll down the trail.

Greedy Ladies

Maya and Jo Jo (it's kind of weird that I know the names of the neighborhood horses...and dogs, though it's good that I know the names of most of the neighborhood kids!) wanted even more carrots the second time I walked past their pasture.  Not enough treats in the world for them.

As I walked around to the door of the library it felt strange - I'm generally walking over there in the wee early morning hours, not midafternoon when the parking lot is full of cars and the park is abundant with kids. I kinda liked it.

Yes, it was prettier in person.

At Relief Society last night it came up that we don't really do family pictures.  For lots of reasons.  (We have always been independent, by necessity, and thus don't fit the "normal" family profile for this area.)  So this morning while I'm driving around I answer my phone.  To hear a sister from the ward telling me she's really great at picture taking, she's even done some weddings and if I ever want to have a formal family picture done, she's offering to do it!  Even if it's only The Husband and I, she's anxious to take our pictures.  Thoughtful.  (But probably not, thank you.)

And my brother's services are set for a bit over a week from now.  I'm thinking I'm probably not going to go.  I almost got the sense it would be best if I didn't.  Things are rarely simple, and I surely don't want to complicate matters.  My kids have been great - so kind and sensitive.  I've heard from all four of them on multiple occasions this week, received flowers, it's helped.  A lot.  Even though my brother and I weren't exactly tight, it's still sobering/difficult/sad and even somewhat shocking to lose a sibling.

So today, I like this little quote: "Most people carrying heavy loads begin to doubt themselves and their own worth.  We lighten their loads as we are patient with their weaknesses and celebrate whatever goodness we can see in them.  The Lord does that."  --Henry B. Eyring

I'm grateful for the patience others have for me.

And The Strangeness Continues

• 5:00 a.m.:  the power goes off.  That's fine for that time of the morning.  By 6:30 I'm phoning the power company, should be back on by 8:30 they say.  It's raining and very blowy/windy outside, so I intended to use the treadmill.  No power, no treadmill, so no exercise for me today.

6 and 1/2 hours later, the power finally comes on.  I was nearly ready to shower even if I couldn't blow my hair dry.

• Wednesday is garbage day for our street.  The garbage truck came barreling down the street, getting the trash from every house - except for ours and our next door neighbor.  What's with that?!?

So out I go in the rain, in my jammies/robe, unshowered, house slippers on my feet and drag the heavy cans across the road for his next pass.  Then stand on the porch in case there is some verbal interaction required.  And....score!! The cans are emptied and can be trundled back to the garage. (Is it just some sort of cosmic coincidence that garage is just garbage without the "b"?)  In all the nearly 15 years of living here, the garbage truck has never-ever skipped our house like that.

Portable Power!  

• I've been asked after by my children, they're so kind to be concerned about me after hearing about my brother.  I was texting and talking so much on my cellphone that I got a teensy anxious about my battery - what with not knowing how long the power was going to be out.  After some simple instruction from The Husband I dragged out his charger and voila!  We were in business again. (Hard for the grandson to be attending his online schoolwork without power/internet access. Angry Birds to the rescue!)

• I've felt like a hamster on his spinning wheel today - going nowhere quite quickly.  Accomplishing absolutely nothing - except to have a fun phone conversation with a dear friend.

And now that all the hubbub has at least momentarily died down I'm feeling at loose ends.  I should do something productive.  My head just isn't into that.  What a luxury to just choose to do...whatever.

• I'm so grateful for our electricity!

Sort Of Eventful Weekend and Sad News

• So the Bishop finally decided where to put me.  My new calling(s):  teaching the Gospel Essentials class.  My soul has been yearning for something a bit different.  And this surely is.  It's a calling I've never had.  I promised that while I might not be the most awesome teacher ever, I would surely do my best at being the kind of teacher Heavenly Father hopes for.  Time will tell.  It seems formidable.

Draper Temple off in the near distance.

The other calling is - as expected - ward organist.  The difference is this time there's actually a team of us.  So far three, with more to come.  It won't be a burden on anyone.  This feels so much better. And so right for right now.

• We tried to "cut the cord" with the cable company.  At least the tv portion.  Didn't work out this time.  But we are primed and ready with our OTA (over-the-air) antenna The Husband had the foresight to install in the attic when we built the house. Reception is great.  We'll likely be "friends" with Comcast for the foreseeable future with our internet.  That's fine.  It's been super reliable.  It's all good.

• Was pleased to be out walking this morning.  I love this view of the Draper Temple from the trail.  The camera makes it look so far away, but really, it's much closer.

• The sad news: my brother passed away this morning.  It makes me so sad that our family has been so fractured for so many years.  This brother called me every year on my birthday - first thing in the morning he'd be on the phone telling me a couple of his (laughably lame) jokes.  It won't be the same without him.  (That makes two of my four deceased siblings who have succumbed to the effects of a stroke.) I've always envied those whose families are tightly knit.

Talking with my niece this morning, she told me her Grandmother died on Sunday and then her Dad (my brother) this morning.  My heart hurts for her.  She's forging ahead with grace accomplishing the tough things.  Her Dad and Mom would be pleased.

• I routinely pray for others - my family (individually and collectively - generally and specifically) and friends, the sisters I visit teach,  for church and civic leaders - there's always someone who needs Heavenly help.  I love requesting it on their behalf.  Recently I was told (a couple times) that someone had prayed for me.  For me?! Words cannot express the warmth in my heart from hearing that someone prayed for me. It overwhelmed my heart. If that's what happens when I pray for others, I will definitely continue the practice! Hearts overwhelmed with good are a blessing.

• Which reminds me of this passage by Elder Jeffrey Holland.  What a powerful image.

In the gospel of Jesus Christ you have help from both sides of the veil, and you must never forget that. When disappointment and discouragement strike--and they will--you remember and never forget that if our eyes could be opened we would see horses and chariots of fire as far as the eye can see riding at reckless speed to come to our protection. They will always be there, these armies of heaven, in defense of Abraham's seed.”

• I'm so grateful for prayer.  For Heavenly Father's divine plan and the hope it gives.

Am I The Only One?

That does dumb stuff?  And then looks around to see if anyone noticed?

Yesterday, I walked out of the store, right over to the red Prius, opened the hatchback to stow my bag - and was shocked into complete stillness.  Where did all those clothes come from?  It looks like I'm living out of the back of my car!

Yep, it was someone else's car.  Parked in the same spot, one aisle over. I had walked out a different door and over to the wrong car.

And yes, I was embarrassed.  And I did look around to see if anyone else saw what I did.  (He must leave his car unlocked all the time, mine has auto-unlock from the key fob when I approach the car. Thought I just didn't hear it unlock.)

Salad and Lasagne Bolognese

Reminds me of the time I unthinkingly climbed into the back of the wrong pickup.  (We'd been driven to lunch in their truck by our kids, it was only a similar pickup.  They are still laughing about my faux pas!)

• For dinner we redeemed a gift card to one of my favorite eateries.  The salads are large.  The Husband mentioned that I'd be needing a to-go box, that I'd never finish it all.  Wasn't he surprised when I had no trouble scarfing it down in like 3 minutes.  I even shoveled in the bomboloni dessert without hesitation.  (And then was anxious to get home and out of those jeans that suddenly felt tight!)

Almost sunrise looking across the park.

• A library book needing to be returned gave my morning walk in the light snow shower a purpose.  I had the trail mostly to myself.  Even the dogs were leashed.  The horses liked their carrots and 30 degrees out felt almost warm. It was lovely.

• Read in the paper this morning about a standing room only talk given at BYU yesterday by Daniel Mark (according to the paper a conservative Jew) - one of 9 members of the U.S. Commission on International Religious Freedom.  Made me wish I'd been there to hear it.  He "prescribed family home evening for a healthy future of U.S. religious freedom and as a remedy for American political discourse."  That neighborhood get-togethers, pot luck meals with community members and such involvement of our city-family is good for our society.

The article further went on "Burdens are rarely distributed evenly in families which don't operate on individual rights.  Quoting Mr. Mark again - and this is the point I wanted to get to but felt like I needed to fill in the backstory - "In a family the central virtue is not justice but mercy."

How grateful I am for mercy. In all its forms.

A Long Time

Looked back and noted that I started this blog in 2009 - almost 7 years ago.  It began as some sort of need I had - to find a voice for thoughts.  I thought The Husband might read it.  Maybe my daughters. This last year has found me wondering multiple times:  should I quit posting?  Have I run out of things to say?  Is my humdrum life to boring to read about?

And then I think- oh, I must put this on my blog.  I must still have a couple things to say. Though I doubt we're in danger of me running out of words.

Love the radio!

So, I headed out this morning to walk the trail.  13 degrees.  The Husband often says I love the cold. Actually, no.  I don't love the cold.  I love the absence of the summer heat.  I wilt in the heat. I don't mind bundling up.  The best side effect of the cold is that I pretty much have the trail to myself.  I love the sunrise, the crisp air, hearing the birds sing good morning.  I don't walk near as far or as fast as I used to - that silly foot of mine remains a hindrance.  Still, it's the very best way for me to begin another day.

I received a new iPod Nano for Christmas.  (Yes, I so know that's old-school, they're a disappearing apparatus.  I'm not ready to listen to music on my phone.  And I'm stubborn.)  This one has radio capability.  What fun to listen to the radio this morning on my walk. A thoughtful gift.

Nearing home I noticed something sitting on our front porch.  We have a friend who has an abundance of funny in his personality.  He's still capitalizing on my shudders (after seeing the movie GooseBumps) about those nasty gnomes!  This one even came with a printed history.  Laughter is also the best way to start (end or have in the middle) of a day.  Thanks, I needed that.  This gnome will reside with his relative in a firmly closed "cage".  Not taking any chances of them getting out and wreaking havoc!

I've found myself thinking about personalities lately.  Some of us thrive on competition.  Some on the unexpected.  Some on routine.  Some do better with noise and a bit of hubbub.  Some are better in quiet. That routine thing is where I am most comfortable.  I often envy those who lives follow that "unexpected" path, wish I did better at that.  We made a trip to Costco over the weekend - I could hardly wait to get out of there.  So many people, so much noise:  I was on edge and had to take a few deep breaths.  I'm so glad there's room for all of us in this world.

I've come across several thought provoking statements lately.  I like them.  Like the lessons contained in them. This one was in today's newspaper, part of an editorial column:  "The question of character isn't always what did you do, but what were you willing to tolerate."

And this one I saw online:  "I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn't sorry, and accept an apology I never received."  Don't judge, be tolerant.  I so need to work on that!

And this one, just because I like it:  "Kindness makes you the most beautiful person in the world no matter what you look like."  (Though I believe that kindness leaves its imprint on us!)

I'm grateful for those who think of me - even to the point of leaving me "friendly" gnomes on my porch.  I'm grateful for kids who send pictures of the grandchildren - helps me feel part of their lives, even if I can't see them as often as I'd like.  I'm grateful for neighbors who give us reasons to walk over and visit for a minute.  I'm grateful for lotion for cold-weather-dry knees.  And I'm grateful I haven't yet run out of words.  I'm hoping to learn to use them for more positive things.

Another Snow Day

Things are so white around here!  Sometimes it's hard to sleep at night with all the light coming in off the snow.

Best shovel!

Almost a 4 foot pile

The Husband was out plowing/shoveling last night just before ten.  And then we were out again first thing this morning. We've learned a valuable lesson:  the city snow plows are more careful about not leaving huge ice/snow blocks in front of driveways if a resident is out working at snow re-distribution/removal.  Now the trick is to know when the plow is coming so as to time our outside snow busy-ness just right!

And I'm just going to say it:  The Husband is a snow shovel snob.  We've been known to drive miles and miles clear across the valley to one of the few hardware stores that carry this particular brand of shovel.  They come out of Canada where I guess they know a thing or two about snow.  Our snow is most often fluffy and light.  But when it's like it is today - heavy and wet, I surely do want this kind of shovel.  The snow just rolls up and around and pushes right off the pavement.  And while we've been known to purchase these shovels in the summer (we spotted them tucked up on a high shelf - they even had to search to find a price!) at times like this I'm grateful we have them.  And my back is also grateful.

Heavy on the branches.

From our stairwell.

I've often mentioned how much I love our trees.  They've done so well - better than we ever dared hope.  Heavy snows like this make the deciduous ones seem like yard decorations.  But it isn't so kind to the evergreens.  I fear this one branch has some damage - we'll have to wait until spring to see.

We have a car parked on our driveway at night.  It is an old car with a broken door lock. Consequently nothing valuable is ever left inside.  Fortunately.  Twice in the last few months this car has been entered and rifled through by unknown persons.  It is amazing what an insecure feeling that is.  We sit all comfy and warm and unsuspecting inside our home while someone is rummaging through our car in our own driveway.  Makes me sad.

Today I'm grateful for good snow shovels (and a blade on the front of the John Deere).  For suitable/warm gloves.  For decongestants (fighting another ear infection).  For people who answer emails.  For snow that feeds and beautifies our world.  And for the luxury of staying home on a snow day if I choose.

We All Need Hope

And Back To The Normal Routine

I've so loved the holidays.  The Husband took some time off work (some sick time- darn that cough/cold thing that's going around - and some vacation time) so we were basically together 24/7 the whole 10 days.  I loved it!

But I'm a creature of routine.  I tend to function better with some sort of schedule.  So it feels good to have the house back to it's usual state, have laundry and grocery days on more of a recognizable routine.  It makes it easier to deal with stuff that comes up, as it inevitably and delightfully does.

2.8 degrees = brrrr!

We did go for a walk to bring in the New Year.  Only walked about half an hour -it was so cold out. But the air felt fresh, we could see the stars and the area was full of fireworks.  I loved being out in it.

Over the holidays, we saw family, saw a movie or two, saw snow fall (and fall some more) saw friends for dinner and were grateful for all we saw.

Saturday we attended the baptism of our 8-year old neighbor.  The best part of that short hour was the way he made a beeline for us (and his former primary teachers sitting next to us) as soon as the closing prayer was said for congratulations and hugs.  His smile truly does light up the room.

I still don't have a church calling.  I've been the recipient of comments about "relieving me from the organ".  Indicating that since the minute the ward was formed playing the organ in church was automatically my calling.  It makes me sad that I appear incapable of doing anything else, that I can't contribute in any other way.  My soul yearns for some variety, a chance to grow a bit and learn something new.

And I've re-challenged myself to be more kind.  To take those things that so frustrate me (i.e. being directed by others what to do/how to be, being interrupted when speaking, assumptions about what I think/desire) and eliminate them from my own behavior.  I'm determined to be more tolerant.  To allow others the same agency that I so cherish, without judgement.  That's a tall order.  And it really does all come under the "kind umbrella".

If I profess to be a disciple of Christ, my behavior must reflect that direction.  I know I won't always be perfect at it.  But I can try.  And try.  And try again. And I will.