Treat

Decided to just go ahead and get my treat for the week out of the way. Splurged on a chocolate frosted chocolate doughnut. It was gone too quickly. But it made me happy all afternoon.

So now I'm thinking perhaps I should just go ahead and have next week's treat while I'm at it. Maybe gelato tomorrow?

And then Wednesday could be the treat for the week after....brownies?

List

Ok, I've been known to state the opinion that lists are not great literature. However this forum has never purported (by me at least) to be great literature - mostly it's just a place for me to put my thoughts out there. I never expect anything back, just like to be able to say what I think.

Today I wanted to list some things that make my heart sing, my step lighter, and my life enriched. It is by no means a comprehensive list and aside from the first item, are in no particular order. Just felt like making a list of goodness.

1. My Love - thanks for finding me, please don't ever leave without me. (You'll always be first!) Our kids and grandchilluns.

2. Flowers

3. Books - I love words in lots of forms and enjoy the way they make me think and feel.

4. A friend. A true friend.

5. Warm towels when I'm fresh out of the shower. Also, a pre-warmed bed when I crawl in at night.

6. Vacations - when there's enough money and time to really enjoy it.

7. Great shoes. New, old, cute, unexpected. I love great shoes.

8. A good haircut. Can change my whole perspective on just about everything.

9. A fabulous purse.

10. Fun pens and papers / notecards.

11. Hugs - from friends, neighbors, adults-in-the-making (but NOT strangers.)

12. A food that I'm craving. (Right now I'd like a chocolate frosted chocolate doughnut. Haven't had one in ages and I'm s-o-o ready.)

13. A bike to ride.

14. A destination for that bike ride.

15. A little pocket money to save or squander on a whim.

And I think that might be a good number to stop on today. I might re-visit this topic again in the future. One thing this list does, is remind me to be grateful. A good exercise for any day.

Competition And My Wish

So, went to a competition today. Makes me think yet again, about winners and losers.

I've never made any secret of the fact that I'm not big on competition things. Some people were born competitive. That's fine. I wasn't. That's fine, too. The reason I'm not big on competitions is that there's always a loser. And often it's painful. (And yes, I have experience.)

Some people thrive on the push to do better and better. While others do their very best, and it doesn't seem to be good enough, because there's always someone better.

And I think, that whoever goes out there and does their best, and keeps at it until they have satisfied their own particular goal is the winner. Doesn't matter a whit if they win something (medal, trophy, participation award -that uncomfortable nod to political correctness) or not. What matters is if they managed to accomplish what they intended.

I seriously don't like people setting themselves up as judges. Too often those judging have flawed parameters. And too often the "winners" seem to be to loudly prideful about their successes, thereby demeaning those who didn't "place" as high. And also, too often, there is only enough room for one winner.

In the game of life, I submit we can all be winners, there's enough room for us all to succeed: as compassionate, kind, accepting human beings. Who leave the judging to the Higher Power. Who don't profess to have all the answers but are continually trying to better themselves (and only themselves, not molding others to fit), who extend the hand of welcome friendship to all.

In my scripture reading the other day, I came across a notation of mine in the margin: it doesn't matter your station in life, or who you are, you are all equal in the eyes of the Lord. And the Savior treated all as loved ones.

And that would be my wish for today. For me. And for all. To model our life after He who was and always should be our example.

Sewing

Went this morning to a local quilt shop open house. Time to sign up for new classes. Nearly bought a kit to stitch.

What therapy it was to wander around and look at all the lovely colors, feel the soft cottons, and drink in the fun patterns.

Made me want to come home and sew.

So I did. I did some hand-stitching for awhile. Makes me remember how much I love it. And now I'm itching to get my hands on some new projects. I have lots of those. Why is it I feel the need for something new?

I'll get right on that - just as soon as I wrap up some of the old friends I've had hanging around for awhile. I might like their friendship a bit more when they're finished.

I...But...

I think I can declare I'm officially old. I'm not even 60, but sometimes I feel like an old lady. For instance:

I ate dinner late last night and at 2 a.m. I was up for a couple hours with a crummy stomach. Only old people eat early.

It's only 6:50 p.m and I've got my jammies on. If it's dark outside, I want to be in my jammies. Only old people wear their jammies practically round the clock. (But in my defense, I've loved my jammies in the evening since I was little.)

When it's bad weather, I drive slow. Not that I think I'm going to get in an accident, just taking precautionary measures. Because it's the aftermath of accidents I don't want to deal with. Only old people drive slow.

But...

I'm on Facebook (however much it irritates me.)

I text on my phone.

And this morning while walking on the trail, I turned around and a gorgeous fox was standing not 10 feet from me. I pulled out my phone and (after fumbling and figuring things out) I took his picture! With my phone!

So, I may be old, but I'm still young at heart!

Example

I was asked last night to tell of a way that I had been a good example that day. Since I don't work out of the home, and yesterday was the day I stayed at home the entire day, I was a little non-plussed as to how I had been an example of anything to anyone.

So, today, I've thought again about being an example. I was out and about a little more. Still can't really think of a way that I've been a good example.

However - unbeknownst to anyone else - I didn't do a couple things:

1. Didn't swear at the 3 trucks who entered the intersection after their light was already red - mine was already green - causing me to miss my own green light.

2. Didn't say what I really thought when my choice was taken from me.

3. Didn't have a pity party that I was so tempted to have.

4. Didn't stop for that chocolate frosted chocolate doughnut.

So, if someone isn't a bad example, are they then a good example? Or just a non-example?

B+ Life

I've been thinking about what I heard someone say a few weeks ago: Her goal is to live a B+ life. Much better than mediocre or even average. But not so far above average that she's requested/required to do things she doesn't want to do, or to have to say "no" to.

I puzzled over this for some time, had a discussion with The Hubby about it and sort of tucked it away to see if my perspective would change over time, because I ultimately decided that she was shortchanging herself.

Then this morning I was reading and came across a passage where a Mom was telling her daughter to just "do her best". And I came full circle back to that B+ philosophy. And decided that my thoughts haven't changed.

I believe that for a lot of us, the desire to do our best, be our best and put our best out there is innate. And when we settle for less - a B+ instead of an A (if one were to be graded) we limit not only our potential but eventually our desire for excellence.

The mundane is pretty dominant around us. Excellence a little less so. And while I'm not a big fan of self-proclaimed excellence or even excellence for others to observe, I am a huge fan of excellence for excellence's sake, doing things privately for the best of reasons, accomplishing good that only the angels see and spreading kindness that has no expectations of reciprocation.

That said, I'm also wondering where I can get that kind of excellence. I feel pretty average today.

Jumble

Since I last posted, I've had what seems like a myriad of things running through my mind.

On Saturday, we went to the Y to see the Carl Bloch exhibit. I could think of lots of superlatives to express the feelings I had. Mostly I left there with a yearning to see a complete display of all of his art. And a wish to have met this most wonderful artist. His view of things was slightly different, and that meant the message was all the more potent. He truly loved our Savior and I wanted to know him more because of that.

Ate lunch at Carrabba's - one of my most favorite places. Even indulged in dessert. Made my tongue and tummy happy for hours.

Added the absolute cheapest data plan to the smartphone I'm borrowing in hopes that I can figure out how to use it, how to streamline things and how to look (old and) hip.

Still working on getting 3 stars on every level of Angry Birds. What a fun black hole for my time.

Mentioned to a friend that my year's motto is to "Be Unexpected." She remarked that was funny because she had just posted a magnet on her fridge to "Be Amazing". So now I'm wondering: Can I be "Amazing and Unexpected"? How about "Amazingly Unexpected" - or better yet "Unexpectedly Amazing"? I think I'll give it a try!

Beautiful, Expensive, Or Worth it?

Read this this morning (and ya, I know it's only 9:15 a.m.): a woman exclaiming over the beauty of another woman she saw, enumerating her lovely-looking points and the man saying she just looks expensive.

Caused me to think about beauty. Women, it seems to me, often see the surface beauty (lots of money spent on looks) as the standard. Men can, with a mere glance assess the dollar value of the entire "look" and dismiss the woman as shallow, or selfish, or high maintenance. (And I've heard wondering comments about what a woman such as this would look like without all the "add-ons.")

So, can I look expensive and worth it (someone wanted to dote on me) and be beautiful at the same time. Can I try?

Then again, I also read this morning that it's not worth living longer if one has to live without cookies. I'm thinking that cookies and beauty are somehow polar opposites. But I'd like them both - preferably chocolate chip and naturally thick hair!

Thursday Already?

Today seemed weird to me. Sometimes I think I'm way too pampered, getting to do what I like, when I like, wherever I like, with whoever I like. Sounds like I should like things a whole lot more. I'd like to.

Went to Hale Theatre tonight. My favorite line of the whole play: "He's lived his whole life at the top of his voice." I know a few other people who have adopted that same philosophy.

Then, chatting with a couple of friends about people who talk a lot, and talk a lot about nothing (babbling) I declared myself a "situational babbler." I know there are those who will recognize the syndrome.

I think I'll toddle this babbling self to bed.

Words

I keep saying how fond I am of words. What they mean, how they sound, how they look, how they're used....so tonight I'm going to list a few that I've thought about today.

Friend - and more than that - Best Friend (Thanks My Love!)

Sight - had my eyes dilated, hated it, still can't see very well.

Hugs - wishing I had one from each of the grandchilluns, they give the best ones.

Sunshine

Door locks - walked in on a lady in the restroom - she should have thought to lock her door!

Miles Per Gallon - wanting to get that number a bit higher.

Pink Blueberries - told the grandson that's what the raspberries were, he didn't believe me.

Luxury - my elliptical, my towel warmer and my small chocolate stash.

Shoes - loving my Sanitas. Do they come in red?

Food - still craving that Jamba Juice I missed out on the other day. Oh, well there's always tomorrow.

Music - used the cd player in the car for the first time - loved the songs I was hearing.

Hope - a concept I never tire of exploring.

Miracle - We've had these occur in our marriage / life together. They are awesome.

Gratitude - may I ever remember to be filled with it.

Why?

Why is it that the more I try to eat less, the more I think about eating (food, what's in the pantry and how can I get more chocolate frosted chocolate doughnuts)?

Why is it that I can look in the full-length mirror at home and decide I don't look quite as bad as I think I look, then go to a store to try something on, look in the full-length mirror and think I look several times worse? (The solution there might be to just avoid mirrors in general.)

Why can I think of something clever to say when the time for that particular clever thought was several days ago?

Why?

January 17th

Just listening to the news and they reported (yaa, must be a slow news day) that January 17th is the day people suffer the most depression. How they came to that conclusion wasn't specified.

After the weekend I had, I'm inclined to agree. Spent the whole entire day on Saturday (and helping in the kitchen) at a friend's funeral. The best part was the joke about the "slumber party". (And I'm absolutely convinced that I don't want a funeral - don't want to feel bad about throwing a shindig and nobody comes!)

Had to teach on Sunday, with a Friend From Another Faith in the classroom, made me super nervous, and felt like I had lost the attention of everyone else anyway. So, when class is over, I heave a huge sigh of relief - until I remember that I have to teach again in only two weeks!!!

To top it off, we went today to see The Green Hornet. It's enough to send even the most dedicated and acclaimed optimist into a deep depression. Run, don't walk, away from this one. Wasn't worth even matinee prices, and certainly not worth our two hours of time.

So, yah, looking forward to tomorrow to a less depressing day.

Some Things Are Just Hard

I went to lunch today with my sweet (newly widowed) friend. In some ways it was even harder than I expected. It's still difficult for her to get out in public, she never knows when she's going to start raining tears. She told me she even went to the grocery the other day and had to find a different grocery, and go at a quiet time of the day so she wouldn't run into anyone she knows. But one thing she said remains with me: she doesn't have any regrets about their marriage. They loved each other, had some fun, allowed each other to retain their own personality - no regrets.

Reminded me of this thing I read the other day: "Legacies are the reward of building relationships...and relationships are built slowly and maintained constantly. Perhaps most important of all, relationships are built one at a time."

It so breaks my heart to see relationships severed, damaged or walked away from. Would that I am never responsible for damage or severing of those interactions so vital to a healthy heart.

I'm working on it.

Gift - For Me?

So, I had a 30% off coupon for Kohl's. Had purchased something for someone else that I really liked. The Hubby asked if my coupon was still good; Yaa, it is. So off we went today to buy something for me, he said.

Ended up buying more than one somethings. Leaving the store I observed that what he said was a gift for me was really a gift for him, wasn't it? (And I don't mind at all, I'll be using it as well.)

Now I'm wondering what I can buy for him (me?). Think he'd like some ear sparklies?

Today I Decided

That I'm still not a shopper. Can't really even like it, in spite of The Hubby's exhortation to "take a deep breath, put a smile on my face, and enjoy myself."

That even though my friend says that lunch out is cheaper than an hour of therapy and much more fun, I'd rather not even need therapy.

That I wish there was a personalized magic list of things to purchase for birthdays. Where can I get one so that I'd never run out of ideas?

That I really believe that guilt is for sin and since sin by definition is the willful disobedience of God's laws I should be able to give up that guilty feeling and feel no guilt about it.

That even though I have three (although fairly small) drawers of socks I still feel "sock urge" when shopping and go through the sock department.

Apprehensive

At the thoughts of another long Saturday doing a funeral. They take so much out of me.

At the fact that I'm trying so hard to be a kind person, and mostly feeling like a failure at it. I still sometimes think unkind thoughts about people.

At the thought of having lunch out 3 days this week, only getting in 3 days of exercise, and fretting about not only the physical cost, but the monetary one as well.

As I think of relationships - how they can so enrich and fulfill a life, but how they also can go awry, how difficult it can be to truly forgive and move forward.

At the thought of it being January and the beginning of another year of responsibilities, commitments, obligations and my ability to meet them all.

About so much "self imposed stress" - where does that come from? If I could manage even a mini-vacation, would it banish some of the stress? I'd like to give it a try.

Technology

So...if I can manage to help synch a friend's new phone with her car, and help figure out how to make her phone ring and download an app or two....

Why the heck can't I make the eBook app for my iPad work at the public library website? I spent over an hour today on it, and this wasn't the first time. Perhaps I should stick to the printed-on-paper version of books? And maybe that means I should stick to the old routine of buying up cheap read-and-leave books from the library book sale when I'm going to be traveling and need access to lots and lots of words.

And maybe, just maybe I should plan a trip so I can give it a try. I'd love a get-a-way. Someplace where the sun is shining, and there's no snow in the forecast, and maybe a beach?

Sabbath

Sometimes the Sabbath day can be the hardest day of the week. First thing this morning at Church came the announcement that one of our favorite amongst the older ladies passed away overnight.

So then, I spent the morning chastising myself for having mentioned yesterday that I thought we might be having a few funerals this year. Why, oh why, did I have to say that?

Our ward has several of those lovely people in their 80's that I'm not quite ready to say adieu to.

Funerals can be so lovely in their own way, full of comfort and hope and sweet memories. They just make me feel so drained. I tend to grieve pretty deep.

Here's hoping the rest of the week is filled with more hope.

Bozo

I looked this word up to see if I was using it (in my head) right. Yep, I was.

I was using it right when I called that guy a Bozo who parked his Mercedes SUV at the library with his U-Haul trailer sticking out into the roadway. Now instead of traffic being able to be 2-way, only one car at a time could get past. Seriously? (The Hubby said he must be getting lots of books.)

I was using it right when I kept trying to get to an item at Costco and this lady deliberately stood in the way talking (loudly) on her cellphone, refusing to move. I used the display as a jungle gym as I clambered over it getting my own little item.

And I was using it right (in my head at myself) as I'm telling The Hubby something and for the second time in less than 15 minutes, he's reminding me I already told him that.

Sigh....must be a good year for Bozos.

Maybe A New Motto

I read this this morning and I liked it - still trying to find a way to make it fit me:

"They needed me - I was unexpected."

Rather than a New Year's Resolution, or even a plan for this year, maybe I should just set a goal:

To be unexpected. I expect I might could manage that.

Angels

I've been thinking about angels lately. I believe in Angels. I see them around me all the time: those people who care for one another with no regard for their own welfare, those who go out of their way to build others up, and those who do countless unseen, unheralded acts of kindness for others, often people they do not know.

I'm still thinking about an elderly couple I saw last week. They had with them another adult, presumably their son, who is profoundly physically challenged, in a wheelchair. I watched the mother feed him with a spoon and wipe his mouth with a cloth. People who have most likely been retired for some time, who perhaps might wish to be out traversing the country in their motorhome, or heading south to warmer climes for the winter, or vacationing in some exotic location. And who knows, maybe they do get to do those things.

Still....watching them care for their son....makes me think yet again of Angels. I'm grateful for Angels. I know some Angels.

2010 / 2011

I was reading a friend's blog that listed a few of her accomplishments for 2010. I always get a mite melancholy at the beginning of a new year when I think about the year just finished. And I wondered, as I always do (and when I go to a funeral) what could be said about my accomplishments (or even if I had any). Although I will say one of my favorite things about 2010 was the trophy I was awarded on my birthday; for me a truly once in a lifetime occurrence that I loved.

And instead of listing all of my accomplishments, I tend to think of the things I didn't do:

1. I didn't fall and break any bones this year.

2. I didn't gain any more weight. (Even through the holidays - YAY!!)

3. I didn't give up on myself even though others might seem to have.

4. I didn't close out my account on Facebook, tempted though I was.

5. I didn't speak every thought that crossed my mind, didn't voice the snarky things, didn't argue every time I felt like it.

6. I didn't feel guilty for not reading every book for book group - didn't even feel guilty when I didn't feel like going.

7. I didn't collect enough purses, sweaters or shoes.

8. I didn't eat out enough.

9. I didn't get enough beach time.

10. Didn't sing enough songs in my heart.

Therefore, for 2011 my plans are as follows:

1. Eat more gelato, chocolate frosted chocolate doughnuts, Jamba Juices and Cafe Rio tamales.

2. Ride my bike for fun and not competition. (I dislike feeling inferior when I lose.)

3. Continue to eliminate guilt and look for more fun.

4. Get more beach time.

5. Collect more purses, sweaters and shoes. (Maybe even a few more sparklies.)

6. Give and receive more hugs.

7. Voice a few more cheerful thoughts.

8. Eat out more.

9. Clean out more stuff, donate more to D. I. (except for those purses, sweaters and shoes.)

and

10. Maybe, just maybe, do a little more dusting while I'm singing more songs in my heart.

Looks and Cold

So, when someone tells you you're pretty, then follows up with how lovely your eyes are and then your teeth, I think the take home lesson here is: You're not pretty!!! People only compliment your eyes and teeth when they can't think of anything else to compliment you on.

It's 27 degrees outside. That's cold. But....my Jamba Juice coupon expires tomorrow and The Hubby will be back at work then. So: (You guessed it) I am now freezing and trying to get warm in my thickest slippers and warmest sweater after consuming a 16 oz. Berried 'n' Chocolate. Better get going on that clam chowder for dinner so I can get warm. And, in spite of my expectations, Jamba Juice was busy and crowded with other crazies like us getting cold drinks on this cold day.

Church

For a whole year, I grumbled (basically in my head) about having to go to church on the late schedule: 1-4 p.m.

Now we're on the 9 a.m. - 12 noon schedule, and all I could think was how long the day was.

Actually I loved having the whole afternoon to just be here, be reverent (i.e. lazy) and be relieved that it will now be two weeks until I have to teach S. S. again.

I'm a bit worried about what our heating and electrical bill will be for December - the last few days were so very, very cold (down to -1.6 night before last) and we've been keeping it warm so the pipes won't freeze. I try to be so frugal about stuff like that.

I'm off to warm up my blanket to put in the bed so the bed will be warm for me. Small luxuries!!!

January 1st

And we celebrated by sleeping in, eating, reading, eating, going for a two hour walk, then eating some more.

Happy New Year!